Meant to be, again

Mar 15, 2009

A few months ago, I had my eye on this beautiful turquoise dress at Banana Republic but there was NO way I was gonna pay 130 bucks for it.  Yesterday, I had one of those Friends and Family coupons for Gap/BR/Old Navy and I went in to BR because the sign said there was a big sale.  Indeed there was.  The blue dress was on the sale rack, the ONLY one left, and in my size.  With the clearance price and my coupon I got it for 30 bucks.  YAY!

I was at the beauty supply store a little later and they always ask to see your ID when you pay.  Well, the cashier did the whole "omg that doesn't even look like you" thing so I explained about losing 110lbs, surgery, etc.  I think everyone in the store congratulated me by the end of it all and said I looked great.  That was a pretty nice confidence boost.

I can use situations like that because more and more I feel down about my belly.  It's so stupid.  No matter what jeans or pants I wear and how loose the are (my American Eagle jeans are a 14 and now they're way too big but that's what I was wearing yesterday), I still have a muffin top.  Or rather, a Dunlop tire in the front because my belly "done lopped" over my waistband.  I have a few shirts that I love but no matter how much I stretch out the bottom they still show off the flub.  They're sz XL, too (probably juniors, but still).  I have tried to wear them on three separate occasions but each time I get so annoyed and frustrated that I change so now I'm giving them away.  *sigh*   I have neither the time nor money to have PS but I wish I could have a tummy tuck.  Same can be said for my thighs...I could probably wear a 10 or 11 in lots of pants but because of the loose thigh skin that should NOT be there they look terrible and I have to go a size up (and wear a belt).

I used to post on the lightweight message board here a LOT but I haven't in probably two weeks now.  It's nothing against them.  They're all wonderful but being lightweights, many of them are petite to begin with and often are size 0, 2, and 4 at goal.  Meanwhile, I'm a 12.  It's just like being MO again and being the biggest girl in the room.  Again, my psychological thing to get over but for the time being, I just can't post right now for my mental health's sake.

2 Comments