Aundrea89

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Well, one of my MAJOR goals personally was to see a 1 as the first number on the scale. I FINALLY saw that this past weekend.  Even though it was 199.8 I didn't care, just seeing the 1 was such a great feeling.  I was so excited I started sending texts to those who know my struggle.
I feel like I finally have broken what I considered was my self destruction.  Every time I got close to that mark, I would sabotage myself by eating more or just eating things I knew I shouldn't be eating.  Since I saw that, I feel SO much better & now, I can't wait for the next mini goal - to have lost 20 since my last fill.  I have a lot of work to do, but I am inspired!
I also had a great NSV last week.  Several weeks ago, back in March, I went to a birthday party & was forced to buy a pair of jeans (long story) at The Gap, which I haven't done since I was a kid.  But I bought them in a 16 & they wound up being too big so I exchanged them last week & I was able to fit A SIZE 12. WOW I really cannot believe that this BUTT fits a 12.  How exciting!!!

This past weekend I went out to a friend's birthday party which was at a bowling alley in Hollywood. I was wearing a velour sweatsuit & they wouldn't let me in (A BOWLING ALLEY!!!). Anyways, just around the corner was The Gap, whcih I never expected to be open. I was exactly 11 pm when I got there & they had already locked the doors. I was blessed & they allowed me to come in, but I was so stressed because I haven't bought anything from The Gap since high school. I just knew I was NOT going to fit the jeans.
The girl was trying to go home so she asked what I was looking for and asked what size. I told her a 16 I guess. I know that those now fit from The Avenue, but we all know how "regular" stores have different sizing.
THEY FIT!!!! I put them on, & they zipped right up, actually, they were too big in the waist & butt so back they will go tomorrow. I will be getting a 14! I am so excited I will probably wear them every day LOL.

Ok, so I guess I need to admit that like a 12 stepper, I am powerless to the combination of food and boredom. Since I own a coffee shop and I am there most of every day, there are many hours of "down time". During those times, I try to keep myself busy but I have come to the realization that when I am bored, I eat to pass the time. Tomorrow is my next fill and I am NO WHERE NEAR where I wanted to be when I went for it.
I know that the band will and does work, but I have to work with it and I have to admit that I have not been. I think what I am going to try now is to journal my food again like when I was on Weight Watchers. I need to make changes and FAST! Maybe it will get tedious, but I have to keep track and I also NEED to exercise.
I can't believe that I went through this process and I am letting myself down because I am using no self control! I eat things because I can and they don't get stuck, not because I SHOULD.
Anyways, just needed to vent!
Hopefully, after tomorrow's fill I will begin my path again. At least I haven't gained, I just wanted to lose more.

Well today I had my first fill and I was very nervous.  I really didn't know what to expect and I had heard some horror stories so although I was excited to finally get it done, I was scared.
But, it was NO BIG DEAL.  I went in, had an x-ray to determine exact location, they put on some Betadine, some skin numbing stuff, put in one needle, which I am guessing was another numbing agent and then put in the fill needle.  The doctor asked several times if I was ok because I told him I hated needles.  I actually was fine because I didn't look.  Then, once he was adding the saline, he said I would feel a little strange inside, and I did. No pain, just a weird tightening sort of feeling, and then, they stood me up on the x-ray table and had me drink some Barium.  We all watched it go down on the monitor and then he asked if I felt ok.  I said I was all good and he said great, I will see you again in 6-8 weeks.
WOW and to think...I was scared.  It really was no big deal.
I will be on liquids for 2 days, softies for 2 more and then chew, chew, chew!  I can't wait to feel some restriction.  I felt myself falling into some old habits since I knew there was none before.  The doctor asked how I was doing and I told him that I think the reason I had lost and kept it off was because I am so anal about NOT throwing up that I never push it.  He said, well whatever works!
My sentiments exactly.  Now I just need to exercise more because the whole flabby thing will NOT work for me.
Well, that's all for today!

Sometimes our minds really do play tricks on us.  Last week, I was feeing down because I felt like I lost so quickly at first and then the hunger began to set in.  I felt like I was losing ground on my weight loss quest.  Then, on my 1 month out date, I got on the scale & low and behold, I had lost a few pounds.  Granted, not the rate that I was losing at first, but duhh, I'm eating nor just "drinking" every meal.
Funny how we lived our lives for so long, just accepting being heavy & when we start to lose, we want it to be so fast.  Slow is much better for so many reasons.  
Besides, I am really trying to not just focus on the scale, but on the way I feel, the way I look, and the way my clothes fit.
I was so excited the other day when my 10 year old so said "hey mom, that shirt is really loose on you now!"  I was like, ok, what ever you want you can have today.  LOL - not really, but you understand.
I will just keep on keeping on!

Wow, it is so amazing how many little things can make such a huge difference to your self esteem when you are losing weight!

I need new shoes to wear out tonight and I just went into Marshall's to look on Friday.  I have not been able to fit into ANY shoes that were not wide width in years.  My feet always looked swollen like they were squished no matter what I put on.  I hated the way they looked in heels.  BUT when I went to Marshall's, I was able to fit almost every shoe I tried on, 1/2 size smaller than a few months ago & NONE of them were wide width.  I was so excited I sent text messages out!  LOL

Then, yesterday I went to church and I left before my husband woke up.  When I got back home, he looked at me and asked if anyone commented on my weight loss.  I told him no & asked why he asked & he said because your clothes look way too big on you!  Amazing how a little comment like that can make my whole day.

Today, I have to find either a new outfit to celebrate in tonight or a jacket to wear with a dress I have. I'm buying new shoes (NO WIDE WIDTHS YEY!) and new under garments.  I'm actually excited to go shopping!  Although I LOVE to shop, I have hated shopping for myself for such a long time.  But today, I am excited!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I am SO excited.  I have lost a total of 21.5 pounds!  YEY!
I was even more excited that my daughter called me while I was there just to see how well I was doing.  She is such a great cheerleader!
The doctor and nurse said I am doing great.  Losing too fast, they say, causes lots of hanging skin & "turkey neck", neither of which I am interested in having.  So, although I wouldn't mind seeing a bigger number, I am very happy with what I have accomplished.
So, they told me I cannot use weights yet, but I can lift up to the weight of a phone book.  So, I'm gonna use canned goods for arm workouts for now so I can work on those lovely triceps that keep on waving after my hand stops!  I have been doing some exercise each night, but this weekend, I'm gonna hit the gym here at the house and spend some time on the treadmill.
I can't wait to weigh in next week at home to see where I am!
Will update again soon!

I am writing today even though I know for sure I will want to write again tomorrow because I go to the doctor.  Things are going very well.  I have not been hungry at all and I have not been sick, no nausea, no nothing!  I feel great and I am losing.  I see a difference mainly in my face, but all of my clothes are feeling very loose so I cannot wait for tomorrow to come so I can see the changes!

Honestly, I cannot post very often, but I will try to do as much as I can.  I had to go to the doctor yesterday because the area around my belly button was red and a little swollen.  I got antibiotics and that should be fine, but what I was most excited about was that I had lost 14 POUNDS!!!  At Cedars, they use your pre-op appointment weight so from December 7th to yesterday it was 14 pounds.  I am OVERJOYED!!
I feel great.  We own a coffee shop so I have actualy been working since the day after surgery.  I think the fact that I didn't lay around much helped a lot.
Will post again soon!