Ok lets see my story I am sandra a wife of a wonderful man and I have 4 kids.

I am 31 years in Southern Il.  I struggle with being anemic and being bipolar as well.My kids are 11 Jaden 4 Kedan he is autistic 3 anthony and almost 2 is my baby girl Makaylee.

I have been fat as long as I can remember. embarassed and feeling lower than life in my own world. I dont like letting people know these things baoput myself. Ive done dieting ect for several years not. I actually lost 50 lbs with weight watchers only to gain it all back.  I have always saidif you love me then  love me know matter what I look like. I guess most people don;t really love me then.

 Everyone seems to always notice my weight and comment. No one notices my new outfit or haircut just my weight. Why do people think im not human? Dont they think this hurts? Do people not realize yes I KNOW IM FAT !!! ok I feel better now. LOl

Like most everyone here im sure I feel worthless not even worth of life. I fear im not known as jadens mom but "the fat one over there". I hate being labled and eating in front of people wondering what there thinking of me.

Ok enough depressing stuff.

March /16 /2007

Ive been depressed for 3 days now wanting to find a way to have wls. Ive read this site and others on the net all night long for days. I only have a medical card. I never knew anyone would take it. I began emailing back and forth someone here from OH. Shes not too far from me and talked about her doc shes waiting for her surgery too. I called and even made an apt with them.

i went to the bank and was told they would have no problem loaning me the 8,000 for the surgery !! yay !!

How I will pay it all back is a bridge I have to cross later on i guess. Ive been praying God would open a door for me. I believe he has. Im a little less depressed tonight now.

 

March 18/07

Todays been a better day for me. Im full of anxeity over the consult and knowing my surgery will be in may probably. I can't stop thinking about it. this darn Bipolar isnt helpingme either. ive  been battling it for a few weeks now. Anyways ive not been scared today thinking about it but excided. I have decided to try and change my life more now before the surgery this way maybe it will help afterwards. Im going to look into some vitimins and shakes tomorrow. Plus I figure the healthier I am at surgery the better ill heal. Im hoping anyways.

About Me
energy, IL
Location
48.6
BMI
Mar 14, 2007
Member Since

Friends 117

Latest Blog 14
Almost a year
Things are looking up.
DEC -02-07
I made it through surgery
Wont be on the internet awhile
OCT 1 2007
some good news and an update
My day of arranging to burry my baby.
My baby Kedan is gone and I cant believe I have to even say it.
5-30--7

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