Never Again

Jun 12, 2010

As I am approaching my surgery date 6/21/10 I am thinking about all the things that hopefully will never happen ever again. It's no life to live being this heavy and these are a few things I never want to think about again....  
Never Again
~Dodging pictures or hiding in them. I hate my picture taken and I don't want to see how I really look. Or have me "Tagged" in pictures on some site.
~Passing a mirror in a store and I can't even look at myself because I am so ashamed.
~Worrying about when I go to a restaurant if I will be able to fit in the booth comfortably or have my boobs laying on the table, as if it was my main course!
~Eating McDonalds 2-3 times a week and seeing the same drive thru woman. Sometimes I will order more so it looks like I am bringing some food back to my "anonymous" friend- LOL
~Terrified of the airplane seatbelts. Avoid flying now!
~Having people say "oh! but your face is so pretty" and the rest of me is??
~Going to an amusement park and of course waiting in a line worrying if I will even fit on the damn ride.
~Avoiding going out with friends because I look and feel disgusted.
~Hopping out of the shower and getting dressed so fast so nobody can catch me naked or so I can't even see myself.
~Have some excuse when I jump on the scale to only see it going up. I will have some excuse that will make me feel temporarily better for ummm 5 min. Man, I have a lot of periods! Haha
~Thinking people are always judging me when they see me. I feel complete strangers walk by me and think to themselves "how could you let yourself get like that."
~Love Lane Bryant but I'm so ready to cut the ties in the near future. I even hate carrying the Lane Bryant bag around in the mall. As if people didn't have a clue already I would shop there.
~Going to a social event and looking around the room to see if I am the biggest person there.
That's it for now. I'm sure there's many more but I have to pull the plug at some point. I can't wait till a year from now and read this back and think about everything I went through and how miserable I was being fat. NEVER AGAIN!

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