Quiet morning for reflection...or something cheesy like that...

Jul 23, 2010

 I started to blog here yesterday.  I was really kind of down and not feeling great.

I think my back issues have had me really depressed.  The last bad flare up I had was January 2009 and it was basically what prompted me to seriously look at WLS and start my journey.  I had another 'mild' one in July but that seemed to come and go without going to my chiropractor.  Since I live in Arlington and my WL surgeon was in Plano (almost 40 miles from where I live), getting another almost 30 miles to Keller (in the other direction from Plano) to see my chiropractor just was not a priority.  And then I had surgery.  The weight started coming off...falling off really.  Since then I've been pain free.  Oh and don't think I hadn't been telling everyone, "Oh...yeah.  I'm so glad I had this surgery.  Not a single back problem since I've started losing weight."

Then this past week started.  I still don't know what I did.  I don't know how I twisted or overworked the area but all of a sudden, I couldn't stand up straight.  I couldn't even sit down without pain.

So here I am, 104 pounds lighter than I was before surgery and having the same issues.  I was convinced my weight was what was causing the issue.  I was so sure I would never again have to worry about dealing with this again.  The fact that it is apparently a deeper issue than my weight is something I'm struggling with.  I grew up on a farm with parents who let us get bumps and bruises, scrapes and cuts.  They didn't freak out.  They didn't whip out the anti-bacterial ointment and bandages with every injury.  I was a competitive gymnast, a dancer.  I have had so many injuries I can't count.  So the fact that I have something chronically 'wrong'...that I may have to deal with this pain off and on is REALLY bugging me.  I just don't like feeling like I'm weak.

There is so much I am thankful for.  I know I feel better than I have in years.  I'm not disappointed this didn't "fix" the problem, I'm just disappointed to find out that my weight wasn't the problem.  Better in the long run...I know.  And I absolutely know in a matter of weeks I'll be back to feeling wonderful.

I know...I know...just shut up...be happy.  I'm already feeling mentally better today than I was yesterday.

It will be a great day!

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