babynurse1

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

 All  I   can  say is that  I thank the Lord that  I'm here to celebrate my b/day after the ordeal I went through with my surgery I almost did not get to have this b/day!!.....Now when I even think about it I get all teary eyed, sometimes I just break down and have a good cry.
  Today was nice, I got a brand new shiney aqua colored  50's style bike! I already took it for a test drive , I LOVE LOVE LOVE  it!!!!....I can not wait to actually get Madison and I on the bike trail and ride, I think it will help me lose the last few  lbs.  that I want to lose! 
  Yesterday was my  6 mo checkup with my surgeon ( it has been almost  8 months). he said I was doing amazing and I have passed up his set goal for me which was  161 lbs,  he sets a goal the day you go into see him and set your surgery date! I want to be down to  145  and I weigh 152, I'm pretty tall at  5' 9', he said that would be a good goal to reach for and when I start exercising more then it will be easier to achive, with my bad back it has made doing almost any excersing nearly impossible, I'm actually going to see orthopedic dr who is my surgeons cousin, he is one of the best around, and he has some state of the art new things for the back and such , so it gives me hope that my back can feel better and I can get my total body working again , I have the wt. part being worked on now to the back, Ive been seeing a neuro. surgeon for many years but now I need a new person to take a look at me.
   I did talk to the Dr about how tired Im all the time and like he said with having chronic pain, taking my pain medication, and what my body has been through yes I will be tired and once I start exercising it is going to help get some energy again, so Im going to ride that bike!!  I'm so excited.
   I did not have a birthday cake, instead I had a fruit pizza, the bakery made it, they made everything with sugar subsitute, except they put some dark chocolate on the bottom of the fruit pizza, so I scraped off as much as I could, I have not had reg. sugar since surgery unless it is in my Light Yogert or something like that,,,,,I have not had candy, cakes, pasteries NOTHING at all and Im very proud that I have kept that up. the fruit pizza was still pretty sweet and it upset my tummy a bit, then my best friend made me a homemade sugar free strawberry pie with fresh sugar free whipped cream, it was good but I think I will put splenda on the next piece I have, the crust was made from all organic wheat flour, etc...and again no sugar or any sugar subsitutes at all.  As I have said before eating solid foods does not go down so well with me, but tonight I ate a very small taco, for me that was great, now my entire stomach is killing me......but at least i got down some more solid foods..........Well  I have  3  1/2  hrs left until my birthday day is over so Im going to go do something.  One more thing, Madison had me wear a crown all day today where ever we went and it said in rhinstones  "BIRTHDAY  GIRL "  I got alot of odd looks for people...and alot of happy birthdays............Good Night

 I was suppose to have my  6 mo post op. appt on 7/22/2010   for whatever reason the appt day and time got all messed up and now it is reschudled for July 30, .....the day before my birthday!!  I hope I will get good news that would be a awesome b.day gift......I love my b/day I always have, not sure why I think because it is MY DAY! and Im not having to share with anyone, I can do what I want and not feel gulity about doing NOTHING , I do not take enough time for "just me time" and when I do I feel like ....oh I should be doing this or cleaning that ...blah blah blah, I may have a bit of OCD disorder when it comes to things being neat , clean and everything in order, my kids have told me that all their life....I think that is why I have not got as much scrapbooking done like I want to because when I start to do my crafting I think oh no I should be doing something else.....and so there goes another day that I do not spend in my craft room!!.........It is even hard for me to actually sit down and watch a 2hr movie, Im always up and down doing things....and even when Im chatting in the OH group Im doing more than one thing at a time.
  I did have a dr's appt last thursday with my family dr.  Ive lost another  4 lbs in a month, he told me that is a good wt loss, slow and steady!,,,,, I still would like to get to  "my goal" by Labor Day, Ive hit the goal wt for my ht and what the dr said I could weigh, but I want to do even better,  right now I can not exercise so I have to do what i can to lose the wt, and the eating is still hard,  I eat a ton of   Lt. Yogert and  Sugar/free puddings,  I make different protein drinks that I play around with to come up with some fun combos, I do love the UNJURY protein powder,that makes all the difference.  
  On Monday I went into the clinic where i was nursing director for  8 1/2 yrs at, I had not been there since my surgery,  nobody could believe it was me....their mouths dropped and they looked as if they seen a ghost.........I just calmly said " what is wrong with all of you ?".......like nothing had changed at all.......it was funny. and it felt good to get that reaction from all of them.
         Madison and I are trying to figure out where we want to take a trip to over her Spring break,,,,,,( yes spring break 2011) we always travel somewhere for either  1 or  2 weeks, last year it was Central and South America,  I think we are going to go to England so she can see castles and  get some history lessons as well.
     This summer it was just to much for me to try and take a big vacation and Madison understood, I just am not up to it yet, so we will go somewhere this fall, and then do a big spring break trip, she wants to go to Disney World  and I told her I will check on when is the best time to go and we can plan that trip. I just worry about my back holding up , hopefully when Im all healed up my back will be feeling better.
   My veggie garden looks so awesome this year, after the sad way it was last summer Im so pleased with it........all 20 of my tomato plants have tomatos and my patio tomatos are huge!! Madison has 2 pumpkin plants they are all over the place with pretty good size pumpkins on them already , and the jalepenos we are already picking them like crazy... and the giant sunflowers ,,,,well they are GIANT alright!   I better take some more pictures tomorrow........just in case  we get a hail storm, that is what happend last year we had a major hail storm, wiped out everything, so we replanted thinking it would not happen again .sure enough 2 wks later the garden was gone........a few tomato plants were saved and we were able to eat a few ,but it was a pretty pathetic garden.. On that note .....I will say goodnight, it is yogert time.............
  

Right now NOTHING is interesting to me.......I have this entire craft room with thousands and thousands of $ worth of scarpbooking machines, tools, paper, etc...and I can not bring myself to do any of it....I keep telling myself that I will take the camera card out of my camera and get pics made so I can do some scrapbooking, but hell I still have hundreds of pictures I have yet to use.....I do love my camera and I do use it!!...   I think I do so much for everyone else and worry so much about everyone else that I forget about ME and I need to take some time for just ME ME ME and Im not being selfish we all need to ........I do not think Im having a eating issue, other than food does not sound good, I had some lasanga for dinner last night and left over for lunch today, I know CARBS, but sometimes you need them, I do not eat sweets or have desserts so with what little carbs I do it , I think it is ok,,,,,,,,,,oh yeah I do eat grilled ham and cheese sandwich on wheat bread which is low carb, that is one food my stomach can tolerate, well most of the time,,,,,,,,,I do look forward to my snacks everyday .....my wonderful light cherry yogert !!! mmm so yummy , and it really makes my tummy feel better if it is hurting.   Im going to out get a little more of a tan then come in and take a nap ( I do not sleep much and need a nap) then order some Vanilla flavored Unjury online....mmmmmmm love that stuff really good protein drink.   Then try and post some pics of the " new me"     I really really hate to have my pic taken because Im so not photogenic, even photoshop can not do good touch ups on me,,,,,Ive always felt that way ....oh well..........

 We spent the day at the pool ....with Jennifer and little Logan.....watching him and Madison together is so much fun....I can not believe what a good swimmer she is getting to be.....at  8 yrs old, I guess the last 5 yrs of swimming and diving lessons are paying off, I told her that will be her college scholership money being on the swim team....LOL......I think I got a little sunburned!!.....
  Lately I have not been doing a good job of eating, I've been to busy or just do not feel like it, I eat my yogert  ( my main food staple) and s/free puddings, and always, always drink drink drink!!..as far as eating a reg meal Ive not done so good with that, I need to just force myself and another reason is because it still hurts alot to eat, or i get sick to my stomach, take your pick...
 Most of the time I forget I even had any type of surgery and just go on about my daily business, ( that is the way it is suppose to be ) that is until I eat something and it hurts so bad, then today when I wore a 2 piece bathing suit to the pool , I was reminded that I had surgery and this was the outcome and how happy Im that I did have it!!......eating used to be such a big part of life....now it is because I have to eat to survive, not that I want to eat because it is there or taste good.....and Im full after only a few bites...that was the hardest to get in my head it took me a long time to stop giving my self large portions and then wasting it because i could not eat it.....or going out to eat and ordering alot, now I can eat 2 or 3 bites of something and be full.....i do try to eat  2 or 3 bites of a few different things on my plate......I was a big salad eater before now it does not taste good, tuna is another thing that i have lost the taste for.......YUCK!.....it is so odd how it changes your taste for things, even some things cooking will make me sick. I still love mexcian food and spicy food.......one of the worse is my love of coffee, I could drink 4 cups every morning, now i drink 1 cup of coffee wtih s/free vanilla creamer in it........I really want  french toast but i have not had any, I know I could but I do not even want to try it , even if i could do it all sugar free and low cal. I think I would be addicted to having it!!..I would do a better job on cooking and trying new things if I felt like eating and had the energy to actually cook it, I do a great job for Madison and make sure she has her balanced meals etc....I'm a different story.  She knows about my surgery and if we are out to eat or in the store she will say you can not have that because of sugar, she even knows where to look on the labels for sugar and carb, protein  content!........Im not sure if this is a blog or a open diary !!!.........Im watching 3 dogs this weekend mine included......OMG they are keeping me jumping, mine is a schnauzer, one is a Bichon Fr. and the other is a  8 month old chiuauawa ( however that is spelled).   Yesterday we went to see Marmaduke, what a cute, funny show , I told Madison we will have to buy that one, I love the  $2.00 movies, plus yesterday was almost  100 outside, so it was nice to sit in the movies with something cold to drink and relax,  I bring my own big bottle of crystal light and when Im told I can not bring my own stuff in the movies I show them the card my dr  gave me that i had this surgery and for them to please allow me to bring my own drink and to order off the childrens menu, so far Ive had no problams with it.
  I need to have my surgeon or family dr check out this area on my lower back left hand side, it has been hurting for a few weeks now, sometimes it hurts alot more than others, it just does not feel right, maybe it is just my back giving me problems again , after 12 back operations it could be anything, I get to see a wonderful dr that specializes in back problems he actually is the inventer of this new surgery and device that is not as invasive, Ive heard good things about it, he is my surgeons cousin which I did not know until I was talking to him about it, he said he would refer me, but not until Im all healed , and that could be a few more weeks out.........come on it has been 7 months!!...for the first 3 months I was seeing him every week ,,,,then every 2 weeks and now it has been 4 weeks since my last visit.......It is  7:35 pm and Im really tired so Im going to go sit outside watch the dogs play for awhile , wait for Maddy to get home, she is with Jennifer and Logan and then Im going to bed!!........her and I usually have movie night on saturday nights but not tonight , I could not stay awake to watch it, we pick a movie , crawl in my bed, eat popcorn and she usually falls asleep..lol..............
       Tomorrow is another day ............Night

  I spent the day outside with Madison and her 4 yr old cousin and 6 yr old friend today having water fights and just playing and playing....until it got so hot that we had to come inside...this time last year I was not up for this ....I'm still not feeling that great but I just do it, I have to for Madison and for me..........Im more excited about this summer than I have been in a long time, maybe because of the change in me, maybe a combo of different things, I still wish i had MORE ENERGY, in time..Im sure it will happen.....
  This may sound vein but I want to wear all the cute summer dresses and shorts and swim suits....it has been a long time since Ive been able to do that and now I can ......but am still a bit reluctant to do so , I still have a mindset that Im over wt even though I'm not I look in the mirror and can't see me as thin yet, I wonder if this is a problem for anyone else???? I ask my  8 yr old all the time how does this look ....does it make me look fat?..or should I change my clothes,,,,,so what do I do ? I put on tops that are so big for me they are falling off, and I can not seem to get it through my head I can't wear those anymore......as a Nursing Director for over 8 yrs I was always dressed very well , this was before my accident and my wt gain, so clothes meant alot to me, as I got bigger I just bought bigger clothes , very nice and expensive ones but bigger,,,,,,,those  I can not seem to get rid of ....( not sure why) Ive gotten rid of alot of jeans and slacks....swethers...etc........I still look at my self as overweight and not pretty, maybe it is because of the way my family saw me and they have yet to say many positive things to me.....I do not go out much unless it is to the grocery store, craft store or shopping for Madison, I think people are looking at me, and staring at the " fat lady"........I know I was not as over wt as some but my self confidence went into the toliet......Thank goodness for my education and job .....as a Nursing Director I still had that power that I had to be listened to and i could take your job away ......I had the upper hand.....and enjoyed going to my office each day with that little bit of power behind me.....( smiling)........So as I walk into my closet and start throwing things here and there looking for summer things to wear and wondering if they will fit or look good.......I think about all of those who are just about to start their journey into this new adventure and hope that their biggest problem will be finding the right clothes that fit.........We all find the right place we fit in ........it may not be right for anyone else but as long as it is right for you that is all that matters..........I hope to find that right summer dress.........................until next time...............My thoughts are with all of you my new friends..............

 I was so excited about summer coming and being able to get out and do so much, but with little energy I do have, I use it all on Madison  ( my  8 yr old ) and by  6 pm ,,,Im pretty much done for the day.  We still go swimming and have picnics, I took her to the fish hatchery the other day so see all the fish, we will take a vacation the middle of July, hopefully my body will hold up, I'm sure this is only a temp, problam and before long I will be back to my old self.  Ive been working on all my scrapbooking albums, but i really do not have the energy for that, I have a awesome craft room and just do not feel like doing that, although when Maddy wants to do crafts I do then with her or give her ideas as to what to do.  I'm going away for a girls long weekend with my best friend Im so excited, she is going to drive so i can save my energy for the fun stuff, we are just going to get in the car and go, we will have some kind of idea as to where we are going but nothing sound. I think we are planning on going to find old antique stores and find flea markets in little towns, that should be fun.  This weekend Im watching a friends little boy who is 9 yrs old , Madison will have a great weekend with him, they are school buddies so that helps they know each other.
     People must be getting used to the "new" me I do not get as many comments as I used to as far as my size!......other than my B.Friend who tells me to stop Ive lost enough and I tell her I can not just stop it is something that just happens, she is a size 4 so what is her problam...LOL......she was so against this surgery , she was very angry about it, mostly worried, that is why I did not tell alot of people, I knew how they would feel about it , but unless you have been in my shoes before they have no idea what it is like to be heavy, all she would say is You look good they way you are......YEAH RIGHT......
  I did order me some new clothes sunday online, Im excited to get them , as nothing fits me and I'm pinning things and rolling the tops of my shorts down so they will not fall off of me............I have not actually went in and tried clothes on ....I was given clothes that were different sizes so that is how i know my size.......I guess I should actually try some new clothes on and maybe that would help...........Well goodnight for now......this entry was kind of boring...........

 It does not seem like it has been 6 months since my surgery, since my life changed forever!. .. I keep thinking back to that first day after surgery and how I was feeling, I knew something was not right, and by the next day it just got worse, and that night I felt as if I was dying and nobody was listening to me, I'm so thankful that as a nurse I knew that something was wrong and my 2 dearest friends who are both nurses at the hospital knew that I was not doing well at all, My dr was already gone for the weekend so one of his partners was there and just thought I needed to get up and move around, hmmmmmm not a good idea, the pain was to much for me, so for some reason I do not remember I was ordered to get 2 units of blood, all I remember was throwing up sooooooo much blood and screaming in pain all night long, the next day Sat. Dec 5th, i was being rushed down to surgery and screaming to the orderlies " Hurry and put me to sleep, to make the pain go away!" I was told i was screaming so loud doors were being closed, my family and friends were being told to get to the hospital ASAP!....that is all I remember until I woke up 5 days later in ICU, not able to talk { I had a breathing tube, was on a ventalator} and the pulmenologist was telling me to take a deep breath as he was going to take out the breathing tube and I may have a sore throat, ( which i did not have)...and all my family and friends were standing around me looking as if something was wrong,,,,( If I only knew )....most everyone was crying and kissing me and hugging all of my body .....I was still dazed as to why????........then i was told the story ...I had a central line in my neck with 6 IV's coming out of it, and I was sooooooo THRISTY, but i could only have crushed ice on a sponge, and my Dr came back from his weekend away as soon as he found out I was in bad shape, he promised me crystal light the next day , that was all I wanted. ( and once I got it....YUCK!) I stuck with sips of water.....lol........I spend another night in ICU , then back to my same room. my friends and family never let me stay alone , I finally got to the point where I said PLEASE go home i will be ok sleeping alone at the hospital.... Well for awhile that room became my new home, nothing was going right I had 6 openings on my tummy 3 were infected so I was also being treated for wound care, my potassium was low so that meant getting more bags of Potassium every few hours, along with antibiotics and pain meds, saline, and a couple other things I don't remember now,  I never had to make any of my liquid or puree foods, since I was in the hospital everything was done for me, by the time i came home I was eating solid foods, well for a few days anyway, then I could not tolerate them anymore and went back to soft foods, which is pretty much what i eat now as I still can not eat reg. foods, not sure why it "just hurts" but everyone tells me what my poor tummy went through no wonder it hurts...
  I think right now the hardest part for me is losing my hair as it is coming out in clumps,,,,so I started taking Biotin and I think it is finally helping, it does not seem as Im losing as much, but I do not wash it everyday and try to comb it out only  twice a day.   I have NO ENERGY!.. I was told I would get my energy back.....that is something I need to talk to my Dr about in July when I have another post op....Yes i do take ALL of my vitamins and my monthly B-12 shot which I will get tomorrow, ( i take those at home).  I get asked alot would you do it again ?????? if i could be assured that I would not have any complications I would. Yes I love that I'm in a size 6 now....and look much better, except my mom tells me I look terrible because Im so tired looking all the time.....hell I'm tired all the time.......Since this is my first time blogging about my RNY I wanted to give a brief history.........Oh and by the way , I was never heavy until a few years ago, my family is very thin and Ive been very thin, 3 yrs ago I had a bad accident that left me unable to do anything physical and so when you just sit at your job and eat, and do nothing,,,,,well you know what the outcome is going to be......I was not 100 lbs over wt. like i heard your suppose to be to have this surgery, I had other conditions that helped me get this surgery, I never had any problems with insurance or getting approved it all went so smoothly, as I have heard some bad stories about getting approved for this. My story just got comlicated after my surgery!..... Now I'm trying to find reciepes and foods that I will like and that will taste good, and to make sure I get my protein in daily , I get plenty of liquids daily that is not a problem...... One of my goals is to blog as much as I can about this new chapter in my life.........so until then..........goodnight