It is Summer and that means Summer Clothes

Jun 24, 2010

  I spent the day outside with Madison and her 4 yr old cousin and 6 yr old friend today having water fights and just playing and playing....until it got so hot that we had to come inside...this time last year I was not up for this ....I'm still not feeling that great but I just do it, I have to for Madison and for me..........Im more excited about this summer than I have been in a long time, maybe because of the change in me, maybe a combo of different things, I still wish i had MORE ENERGY, in time..Im sure it will happen.....
  This may sound vein but I want to wear all the cute summer dresses and shorts and swim suits....it has been a long time since Ive been able to do that and now I can ......but am still a bit reluctant to do so , I still have a mindset that Im over wt even though I'm not I look in the mirror and can't see me as thin yet, I wonder if this is a problem for anyone else???? I ask my  8 yr old all the time how does this look ....does it make me look fat?..or should I change my clothes,,,,,so what do I do ? I put on tops that are so big for me they are falling off, and I can not seem to get it through my head I can't wear those anymore......as a Nursing Director for over 8 yrs I was always dressed very well , this was before my accident and my wt gain, so clothes meant alot to me, as I got bigger I just bought bigger clothes , very nice and expensive ones but bigger,,,,,,,those  I can not seem to get rid of ....( not sure why) Ive gotten rid of alot of jeans and slacks....swethers...etc........I still look at my self as overweight and not pretty, maybe it is because of the way my family saw me and they have yet to say many positive things to me.....I do not go out much unless it is to the grocery store, craft store or shopping for Madison, I think people are looking at me, and staring at the " fat lady"........I know I was not as over wt as some but my self confidence went into the toliet......Thank goodness for my education and job .....as a Nursing Director I still had that power that I had to be listened to and i could take your job away ......I had the upper hand.....and enjoyed going to my office each day with that little bit of power behind me.....( smiling)........So as I walk into my closet and start throwing things here and there looking for summer things to wear and wondering if they will fit or look good.......I think about all of those who are just about to start their journey into this new adventure and hope that their biggest problem will be finding the right clothes that fit.........We all find the right place we fit in ........it may not be right for anyone else but as long as it is right for you that is all that matters..........I hope to find that right summer dress.........................until next time...............My thoughts are with all of you my new friends..............

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