bamma2006
Update 5/8/2010
May 08, 2010
Wow, I cannot believe where the time has gone. I am 21 months out, hardly seems like that long. I have not been as successful losing more weight, but for me the biggest success has been keeping it off. I have fluctuated 5 pounds or so, but keep going back to my lowest weight. This week, though, I was actually able to move my ticker!!!
It has been a roller coaster year for me, but now, I hope that it is leveling off a bit. I left my job of 13 and 1/2 years the end of April, and started a new job May 3. I am still doing probate work, which thrills me, but it is so hard to pick up and start over, especially at my age. I could not stay in my old job though. It was affecting my health, my ability to lose weight, and I was miserable. For a very long time I felt that I was the only one who could not handle the fact that my boss and my co-worker were having an affair. At least now they have split from the husband and significant other, but I was having a very hard time with having a personal relationship in the office. But now, the more people I talk to about it say that what I was feeling was completely normal. Anyway, enough of that. I am now with a firm in Concord, Flood, Sheehan & Tobin. It is a firm of 4 women lawyers, one other paralegal, a legal secretary/receptionist, and an office manager. Their system is completely different than what I have been using for 13 years, and it is confusing, but I am learning it. I really like everyone there. I think I will be a good fit. I ended up losing about 8 pounds this week, simply by not eating too much, and not eating any junk! Wow, what a concept. I just want to continue the down trend. I am also loving going to the gym again. I feel good.
0 comments
It has been a roller coaster year for me, but now, I hope that it is leveling off a bit. I left my job of 13 and 1/2 years the end of April, and started a new job May 3. I am still doing probate work, which thrills me, but it is so hard to pick up and start over, especially at my age. I could not stay in my old job though. It was affecting my health, my ability to lose weight, and I was miserable. For a very long time I felt that I was the only one who could not handle the fact that my boss and my co-worker were having an affair. At least now they have split from the husband and significant other, but I was having a very hard time with having a personal relationship in the office. But now, the more people I talk to about it say that what I was feeling was completely normal. Anyway, enough of that. I am now with a firm in Concord, Flood, Sheehan & Tobin. It is a firm of 4 women lawyers, one other paralegal, a legal secretary/receptionist, and an office manager. Their system is completely different than what I have been using for 13 years, and it is confusing, but I am learning it. I really like everyone there. I think I will be a good fit. I ended up losing about 8 pounds this week, simply by not eating too much, and not eating any junk! Wow, what a concept. I just want to continue the down trend. I am also loving going to the gym again. I feel good.
Been a while
Jan 12, 2010
Wow, it has almost been a year since I have written. Life has been such a rollercoaster the last year. From struggling with my weight loss, to learning how my band actually works, to medical issues unrelated to weight, and learning more and more about myself, it has been an incredible year. I have lost a little bit of weight, but for the most part, I have just stayed the same. That is huge for me because at this point, I would have gained most of what I had lost back. I have also become more active. I am able to play with my grandson, running, climbing rocks at the beach, playing baseball, all of the fun things. Waterskiing was awesome this last year, as was snow skiing.
I have also had my share of rough times. Coming back from Florida was extremely hard for me. Went into deep depression again. Was able to get out faster though, which was great. Summer was awful. Rain, rain and more rain. We tried to make the best of it though. End of the summer I had a gentamiacin shot in my ear to try and stop the vertigo. Well it did just that, but left me with no balance. I did not drive for 6 weeks, and had a really hard time. I am still feeling the effects, having a hard time driving at night and still have moments of unbalance. I also had a Synvisc shot in my knee which for some reason left me without the ability to put any weight on my knee for a long period of time. I am also struggling with food issues again. And I cannot seem to lose weight any more. I am not were I want to be by any means. I am getting frustrated.
But now, my depression is under control. I feel good about myself for the most part. I am trying to work on getting my eating under control again. That, I believe, is going to be a lifetime struggle for me.
0 comments
I have also had my share of rough times. Coming back from Florida was extremely hard for me. Went into deep depression again. Was able to get out faster though, which was great. Summer was awful. Rain, rain and more rain. We tried to make the best of it though. End of the summer I had a gentamiacin shot in my ear to try and stop the vertigo. Well it did just that, but left me with no balance. I did not drive for 6 weeks, and had a really hard time. I am still feeling the effects, having a hard time driving at night and still have moments of unbalance. I also had a Synvisc shot in my knee which for some reason left me without the ability to put any weight on my knee for a long period of time. I am also struggling with food issues again. And I cannot seem to lose weight any more. I am not were I want to be by any means. I am getting frustrated.
But now, my depression is under control. I feel good about myself for the most part. I am trying to work on getting my eating under control again. That, I believe, is going to be a lifetime struggle for me.
February 19, 2009
Feb 19, 2009
Wow, it is February already. Things are starting to slow down for me, but I am still losing. We just came back from Orlando and Daytona Beach, and had a blast. I was so happy and comfortable with myself. Cam was so much fun. We spent two days in Disney, one at Sea World, and two in Daytona. We went to the race, walked along the beach, waded, and just had fun. Gary and I were so content together, it felt good. We walked, oh did we walk. I did not tire easily, and really out lasted everyone. It made me feel very good. It was very difficult to return home, to the cold and snow. the weather was beautiful down there. It has also been hard, because it seems that we moved right back into the same old...same old, way to easily. I know I am fighting depression a little bit, but I will not let it take me over like it did before. I am stronger.
0 comments
The New Year, a New ME
Jan 06, 2009
Well, it is 2009, the year for me. My main goal is to reach my goal weight by the end of this year. But I am also looking forward to becoming a better person all around. My personal growth over last year was amazing. I found out so much about myself. I found out my dad was not as bad as I thought; that my mother really messed me up; but forgiveness is serenity. I cannot forgive them face to face, but I can in my heart and mind. I can also forgive Gary. With a better understanding of me, comes a calmness I have not experienced in a very, very long time. I think I am scaring people!! Things that I was holding on to, angry about, no longer seem important. What is important is recognizing that I am not a bad person. That genuinely, I am good, and worth working on. So, 2009 is my year. I will be more aware of what I eat, and how I eat. I will drink my water, take my vitamins and calcium. I will exercise. I will be more aware of people around me, and how their actions relate to me, not how I think they relate to me. I will not sweat the small stuff. I will love my family, and allow them to love me back. I am worthwhile. I am beautiful, in body and in mind. I am strong. I will no longer allow people's ideas, thoughts, and visions affect me the way they used to. I will be more understanding, less sarcastic and defensive. I will walk and talk softly. I will find joy in the little things life offers, and reveal in the smile of my grandson, for he loves me unconditionally. I will be more patient. I will smile, laugh, and not be afraid. I will not fear the things that I have feared most in the past. I will approach everything head on, and will not shy away. I will work hard, and play hard. I will be good to myself. I will not get angry, unless anger is the only way to resolve something. I will try new things, and not be afraid or ashamed.
So this is the new year, and the new me. I only hope I can accomplish all of my wants, as well as my goals. It is a daunting challenge, but I like a good challenge.
0 comments
So this is the new year, and the new me. I only hope I can accomplish all of my wants, as well as my goals. It is a daunting challenge, but I like a good challenge.
December 31, 2008
Dec 30, 2008
Wow, the last day of 2008. What a year. I have gone from severe depression, to losing 58 pounds, working out, feeling good, and in a really good place mentally. This was such a good decision for me. I think this is the first holiday season that I made it through not gaining weight. To lose was even more unbelievable to me. I have stuggled a bit lately with my closet eating. Had to walk through Walmart yesterday talking to myself, but it worked. This has been a very stressful week with Mya and Pebbles eating sugar free gum and having to take them to the vet twice a day. I have really not gotten anything done that I wanted to. But they are doing better. We should have the results from the additional tests today. Hopefully everything will be good. I have done well to not do emotional eating.
My relationship with food has also changed. I think I respect it more now than I ever did. It is there to nurish me, that is all. I have to find other things to comfort me. Food will just not do it any more.
So my new goal....to lose an additional 15 pounds before we leave for Daytona in February. That may be hard, but I really want to do it. I also want to lose an additional 20 pounds by Memorial Day....first official day of camp. I also want to run the Barrington Peeper 5k race.
I will accomplish all of these goals.
0 comments
My relationship with food has also changed. I think I respect it more now than I ever did. It is there to nurish me, that is all. I have to find other things to comfort me. Food will just not do it any more.
So my new goal....to lose an additional 15 pounds before we leave for Daytona in February. That may be hard, but I really want to do it. I also want to lose an additional 20 pounds by Memorial Day....first official day of camp. I also want to run the Barrington Peeper 5k race.
I will accomplish all of these goals.
November 12
Nov 11, 2008
Wow, a full month has passed by. What a rollercoaster ride so far. I have lost 51 pounds....have gone from a 20-22 to a size 16. My blood pressure meds have been cut in half. I feel awesome. My relationship with my hubby, however, is getting tough. I talked with my counselor yesterday, and I am trying to work it out. We have come so far....I have grown so much in the last year, which is funny to say for a person of my age. I have worked through some very old demons, and have come to terms with them. They go back some 40 years....it is amazing how you can keep things bottled up and hidden. She asked me if I am, at times, so self-absorbed that I shut him out. Probably, at times, but my self-esteem which was in the basement just a year ago, is flying high. I was pretty much at rock bottom last year. WOW what a difference. I also think it is important that I talk about it, because it has so much to do with my weight problems. Now that I am working through all of those, I find that the people who I was once so angry at, really had no idea what was going on, and how it touched and affected me. It is too bad I can't tell them now, but I think they know...they are my guardian angels now...maybe they could not be there for me in life...but they are there for me now.
So am I self-absorbed....yes. It is hard not to be, since for so many years I have lived in this box with a black cloud over me. The sun is shining....life is good. I am in a really good place right now. Depression is very much under control, I feel good about myself. I like myself!!! I just wish Gary and I could be in the same good place at the same time. I am not going to give up though. I love him, I love my life with him, and I can't wait to see what is around the corner for us!!!
So am I self-absorbed....yes. It is hard not to be, since for so many years I have lived in this box with a black cloud over me. The sun is shining....life is good. I am in a really good place right now. Depression is very much under control, I feel good about myself. I like myself!!! I just wish Gary and I could be in the same good place at the same time. I am not going to give up though. I love him, I love my life with him, and I can't wait to see what is around the corner for us!!!
October 10, 2008
Oct 09, 2008
Things have been going so well for me. I am almost scared! I am becoming more comfortable talking about my surgery, and what it has done for me. Dinner with my sisters was good. I only really get along with one, but we had a good time. The one sister I was most concerned about actually was quite supportive. She knew a little about the band, so it was interesting to talk with her. Just before we all left, she said, well now that you have yourself under control, and are successful, we need to work on our other sister, who is very overweight. It was funny, almost like a compliment!! Many people are noticing now, and saying something. It is pretty cool. Stress is just a bit higher right now with me, as Gary has pneumonia, and is not doing so well. He did seem to be a little better tonight, but he still has no energy, and is coughing horribly. At least he is sleeping better than I am right now!!
On a better note, I had my check up with Nancy and Dr. Gens. They are both thrilled with my progress. I have lost 21 pounds since surgery....43 all together. I feel so great it is scary. I am back working out at the gym, and being able to do more and more. Even started working with weights again. So things are going well for the most part. Still in a really good place.
On a better note, I had my check up with Nancy and Dr. Gens. They are both thrilled with my progress. I have lost 21 pounds since surgery....43 all together. I feel so great it is scary. I am back working out at the gym, and being able to do more and more. Even started working with weights again. So things are going well for the most part. Still in a really good place.
September 30...6 weeks out
Sep 30, 2008
Wow, been way too busy. I am doing so well. I have lost a total of 40 pounds. Kind of stuck at 200, can't seem to get into the 100's. I am not getting frustrated though. Just need to pay attention more. I am feeling so much better lately though. I have started to exercise again, going back to the gym. Been gone way too long. Now that summer is gone, and fall is here, we are staying home on the weekends more and more. Will close camp soon...so sad. But it will allow me to get to the gym more. I did go out shopping for some plain black pants, and a couple of sweaters...and was so excited to be in a size 16 petite!! Not woman's. I also got large shirts. This is down from 2x shirts, and size 20-22 pants. I have also been going through my old packed away clothes, and found quite a few that fit now.
I am driving my hubby crazy though, because I have so much energy, I just want to go and go. Trying to fix up the house. He can't keep up with me now. I am the energizer bunny now!!
Seeing my sisters for the first time since January. I had not told them about the surgery. Saw my sister Diane the other day, and she kept looking at me, trying to figure out what was different. I ended up telling her. I was not worried, because she would be the one most understanding. All four of us are getting together Thursday. It should be interesting!!!
I am driving my hubby crazy though, because I have so much energy, I just want to go and go. Trying to fix up the house. He can't keep up with me now. I am the energizer bunny now!!
Seeing my sisters for the first time since January. I had not told them about the surgery. Saw my sister Diane the other day, and she kept looking at me, trying to figure out what was different. I ended up telling her. I was not worried, because she would be the one most understanding. All four of us are getting together Thursday. It should be interesting!!!
Follow up appointment
Sep 11, 2008
So I went to see Nancy and Dr. Gens this morning. I am down another 6 pounds from my last appointment. I ended up talking to Dr. Gens yesterday about some lower left side pain I have been having. He talked to me about it today, and he thinks it is either constipation, or it could have been a ruptured ovarian cyst, because it came on so suddenly. It is getting better today, but he wants me to check in with him tomorrow. Other than that, I am doing great. I have more energy than I ever thought I would have. I can start stage 5 diet tomorrow. I also have my physical tomorrow, and I am so excited about getting on the scale there. Wow that sounds so weird!!!
9/3/08 what a ride
Sep 02, 2008
Well, it has been a few days since my last post. I cannot believe it is September already, and Labor Day has come and gone. We did have a fantastic weekend. It started with finding my favorite bathing suit that I wore to the Bahamas about 4 years ago. I was much thinner back then, and I was amazed that the suit fit!! We got to camp later than we planned, so we just hung out, enjoyed a fire, relaxed, and played with the dogs. Saturday, my daughter and grandson showed up late afternoon, and just hung out. We were so incredibly lazy that day, but it did feel nice. I took the dogs for a walk around the camp, and just enjoyed the wonderful weather. Sunday, we got right up, and started to prepare for our trip to Storyland. We packed food and drinks. I also packed a couple of protein bars just in case. We got to Storyland, and decided to eat lunch before going in. That was about 12:30. My family is being very understanding when it comes to me eating slowly, and I am not rushed at all. We went in, and started to walk around. Cam wanted to see everything!! He was so funny. They took a ride on the small swan boats with Cam driving!! Around and Around in circles they went. Meanwhile hubby and I were standing and watching. We then went to go on the roller coaster, which was small, so I did not mind going on it. Cam was awesome. He loved it, and wanted to go again. We went through the petting zoo, and the storyland zoo, then back to the rides, doing the river raft...getting soaked, and then the log ride, where I got soaked again!! It was so cool to be able to get in and out of the rides without problems, and be able to put the safety bars down!! Everyone was getting hungry at that point. I was still fine, I had been drinking water to stay hydrated. Cam and I shared a shaved ice, which was probably not the best choice, but he had most of it....one wired 2 1/2 year old!! We walked around some more, and then decided to go, and try and drive up Mt. Washington. We got there, and the sign at the bottom said 40 degrees, and 75 mile an hour gusts. We decided to go anyway. Man it was COLD and WINDY. We could really not go out on the deck. We stayed up there for about a half an hour, then headed down. We did not get back to camp until 8:30, and I realized then that I had not really eaten anything since lunch (bad I know) but I was not really hungry!!
Monday, we decided to go out on the boat. I snorkled for over an hour. It felt so good. When we got home Monday night, I was so energized, I had a hard time relaxing. I felt so good, not sore at all. I was totally amazed after all the walking, standing, and swimming I did. Before, I would have been popping advil every four hours!!!
Monday, we decided to go out on the boat. I snorkled for over an hour. It felt so good. When we got home Monday night, I was so energized, I had a hard time relaxing. I felt so good, not sore at all. I was totally amazed after all the walking, standing, and swimming I did. Before, I would have been popping advil every four hours!!!
About Me
Nottingham, NH
Location
32.0
BMI
Surgery
08/15/2008
Surgery Date
Jun 24, 2008
Member Since
