Barb
December 21, 2008...the year's almost over...who am I?
Dec 21, 2008
Wow....what is really going on? I am down to 235# now. I honestly imagine I will stop losing any day now!! The one and only exercise that I am doing right now is resistance bands that I bought a year ago. I put one end on my feet and pull the other end with my arm for like weights. Then there are several moves I use with my legs. That is all I can do right now due to the limited space in my room and my limited equipment (which is only the resistance bands and a few small weights). I will be moving my bedroom down to the lower level within a week and I am hoping to have enough room to do some down-on-the-floor exercising...but all is okay, for right now.I ran into a kid (who is 26...which is a kid to me)...who I have known for 5 years. He was friends with my kids, but he ended up having to stay with me a few times in the last 5 years for different reasons. He went to jail over a year ago and I haven't seen him for 2 years. He always called me "Mom", like most of the kids that knew my kids did (I have 4 children). I ran into him at Walmart tonight and said, "Hi, Kevin!!" He said, "Who are you?" I was a little taken aback. I guess he didn't recognize me because I was wearing my glasses which I started wearing fulltime 2 yrs ago (even though I should've worn them fulltime 10 yrs ago). I told him who I was, we hugged and he begged off saying he was in a hurry.
He called my daughter (who lives with me) and said that the reason he did that is because he thought, with my weight loss, he thought that maybe I had cancer or something. You know....a part of me was somehow flattered (you know...for the thought that the weight loss was that great!!) and a part of me was saddened because if he thought I had cancer, maybe he noticed all of my hair loss (which is considerable!!) I hate very volumptuous thick hair (like 3 heads of hair) and now I can barely make a ponytail....so it's considerable...to me. He talked to me and apologized...and I kept asking him, "Was it the glasses?" and I knew why he didn't recognize me...but the insecurities wanted to hear the weight-loss thing. I guess I had to settle...which is nothing different than what we are used to, huh?
There will be a day when we (you all know who we are) won't have to "question" what people say about us or their "motives". I started out at 402# and now weight 235#...and I still question. When I look through my own eyes....I know I am FAT. That will never change, because that person will NEVER change. I am that girl, that woman, that adult, that female....I am me....I am FAT and in my mind's eye....I will never change. I am not asking the world to treat me different, I just want the world to treat me the same. Don't show me that you DO treat the thinner different because that was a fear my entire OBESE life!! I am still NOT THIN. That is many, many pounds away.
I guess if I would have all of this excess skin lopped off, I would probably be 30+# thinner....but that will not be happening. So I will probably never really reach my *goal weight....but I will strive to succeed and continue helping others who are lost, sad, going through the same things I have or anything else....for they are the strong and honestly.....when dealing with obesity....isn't becoming strong and self-assured the main thing?
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About Me
Springfield, IL
Location
37.8
BMI
Surgery
02/12/2008
Surgery Date
Apr 28, 2005
Member Since
Before & After
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