So Here I Am and This is Me

Oct 04, 2009

  So here I am....coming into fall this year.  I had my surgery 20 months ago and will not be able to use 'months' in the equation once I reach the 2 yr mark.  How am I doing and how am I feeling?  I am, pretty much, at a stand-still as far as losing weight.  I have lost almost 200# (staying steady between 210-217#)  Do I care?  I'm not going to kill myself to get under 200# because I know, for a fact, if I would remove the excess flab, I WOULD be under 200#.  I am wearing my flab like battle scars.  I am just thankful to God for allowing me to be able to lose this, be at this size and the strength and willpower He has given to me to maintain this weight. 

First of all, old habits die hard. I commend the bingers and fatties who have been able to lower their weight to the point of being "skinny".  I was a binger and, like any addict, old habits die hard.  I have never allowed myself to eat candy, chocolate or anything that is over 7 grams of sugar.  This is something that I did for myself and I have never gone back on it.  Yes....I do drink diet soda....it has not killed me or caused me to gain.  I try to drink water products (Crystal Lite, tea, etc)....but sprinkled among them...is soda...but not everyday.

I could NOT, in any way, shape or form, give up cheese.  Not only is it full of vitamin D....but I LOVE cheese.  I have watched myself with it....but it is a daily product in my life.  I boil my lean ground beef instead of frying......we NEVER use sugar in my home, but only buy Splenda.  I'm raising 4 grandkids under the age of 9 and have made many homemade cookies, in which I NEVER so much as lick my fingers when I make these.  I don't crave chocolate (my old downfall)....and yet I buy it frequently for my husband and grandkids.  Sometimes I say, "Just give me one sniff of it," but I never eat it.  I don't buy anything sugar-free that is chocolate because of the fear of not being able to stop eating it.  For my youngest son's birthday, he asked me to make him a strawberry cheesecake.  Fine.  I did make one which had no fat cream cheese and Splenda.  I shared one slice with my husband and almost got sick because I felt that it was too rich for me!  The word "Rich" was never a word I could ever understand years ago.  I sent the whole cheesecake home with them,...not because I feared that I might eat it, but because I knew that I wouldn't eat it and did not want it to go to waste!

I guess that is the TOOL that they talk about when giving us the weight loss sermons.  I try desperately not to eat anything fried.  I fry NOTHING when I cook.  I boil my hamburger and then season it and bag it in freezer ziplocks for meals for our future.  I use a lot of seasonings (which I always have) of garlic, onion salt, pepper, salt and alot of Italian seasoning).  I do love to cook and have replaced anything that calls for sugar in a recipe with Splenda (or the Walmart brand).  I refuse to eat anything that has over 7 grams of sugar, but that has been a personal preference for me. 

Last week, when I did our family grocery shopping, I didn't use the mobility carts (first time in 3 yrs).  I will admit, it killed me.  Because of the obesity damage that I had incurred upon myself, the arthritis and the hot flashes that I suffer with are there....there is no mistaking it.  I chose to walk the store the other day.  I was there for 4.5 hrs and ended up with 2.5 grocery carts.  I am shopping for 7 people and I ended up leaving the store having spent almost $700.  It's funny, because the cashier at Walmart didn't even ask me if I needed help out.  You would THINK that after someone spent that amount on their products and left with 2.5 carts, that you would normally ask....but she didn't.  In fact, the girl, in line behind me, had a friend who wheeled the other carts out with me. 

Life has become so much easier for me.  No one looks down upon me.  No one questions my purchases or looks at me rudely.  Life has changed and so have I.....

Welcome to the Future!!

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