barbiej
Hi to all, it feels as though I've been on this trail so long, that I'm waiting to see the end of the tunnel. You know the one with the light. Things are getting brighter.
As I was growing up, I remember being told to push away from the table. All of my friends were dating, I was the one that didn't get asked. And when I did, it was a rear. My sister which was very thin, always had a date, good friends that never said " Oh so- n- so is going to ask me out. Or no dates again this weekend." I always felt like a 3 rd. wheel.
My own dad told me'"Sis do you realize how pretty you would be if you would lose the weight." No one could except me as I was. Because I was bigger I was offending them. I would stand in front of the mirror and just cry. The bad things is that for some reason they couldn't except me for me. Or here's Barb shes the bubbly one. Or fat girls look better with short hair. That long hair made by face look fatter.
I was married at the age of 18, at the time, as I looked back, size 14 wasn't a bad size. Not that big, While pregnant with my son, I lost more weight, then through a divorce, back came the weight. For 3 yrs. I can't say that I found anything or one that enterested me. But food did. Back up to 265.lbs.
Then in 1981 I met my husband, he didn't look at me for the weight, he never tried to make me something different. A yr. later gave birth to our daughter, after her birth I lost down to 174 with the help of the Doctor. But after 7 mos. put 30 lbs. back on.
I stayed at 206-210 for several yrs. I even had a manager of a telecommunications co. hire me as a admin assistant. But he let me know that he hired me because I was big enough that I wouldn't make his wife jealous. And never let me forget it.
I stayed at the 210 for so long I honestly thought maybe that was the weight I would be the rest of my life. But there was something different in my lifes plan. On Dec. 2003 I went into surgery for my Ackilles Tendeon that I had ruptured. When I came out a walker was handed to me. I was still loopie from the surgery, as I put the walker down so did I put my foot down that was in a splint. re-rupturing the tendeon. Back into surgery for the second time that day.
During the next yr. I was in a wheel-chair for 4 mos. In 7 different cast. and had to learn to walk again. During that time my weight had risen to 310 lbs. and then to 326 and that is where it has stayed.
Now I not only have the tendeon complication, but a list of co-mobidities. as long as the arm. I know this second chance has been along time coming. But lord knows I can't wait to see the thin me inside this lg. unhealthy body. Even if it don't take everything away, hey just half will do.
I am scheduled for my Seminar on 9-7-07. This will be the second one for me. Because of the insurance, and Doctor change. I know there is a reason for everything, and god has a plan. I know there are better things for me. I just want to thank the folks that have gotten me this far.
