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Headed toward my 7 year anniversary in February.  2/13/2009 I thought my life was changed forever.  It was and I am so much healthier physically.  However, mentally, food is still my friend.  Older age helps nothing.  Being 50 now, things change physically and the honeymoon phase of RNY is long gone.  I know my tool is still working, but I have learned every way to eat and drink around it.  So, what changes do I make.  I have tried a program with huge sucess regarding all areas, not just food.  Education and focus on all phases of my life including self care and self development.  That was super informative, but I didn't lose my regain.  This month I have committed to the Baratric Eatiing No Regain plan.  I am protein shake and small baratric friendly meals to LOSE this REGAIN.  Gosh, regain, me the poster child of my RNY surgery.  My surgeon told me so back in the day.  This is the other side.  I had my surgery and the size 4 clothing.  How did this happen.  I dont even want to return to my lowest weight.  I am committing to losing 30 pounds.  That will put me back into my happy weight range. 

It has been really inspiring to go find and post my before pics today.  I am in the eternal conflict with my mirror.  There is always something that I don't like.  For today, I am going to enjoy.  I believe I could lose that last 20?  I don't know, but I do know that I am beyond thankful for my WLS.  I have slipped and stumbled and the ease of bad habits amazed me.  It is all still SO hard.  I am blessed with wonderful support.  I am blessed with the love of working out.  I am blessed with a Sugar Monster too, but I fight the good fight.  Thank You OH.  I am inspired to be more supportive of newbies and those needing answers about hair and vitamins and protein suggestions.  Bless you All!

Goal weight?  Do I want to fight to get more off?  I am up 3 -  5 lbs from my all time lowest.  I haven't been logging onto OH much lately.  I think mostly a time issue, but I don't want to forget the tools I have right here.  If anybody understands the post WLS struggle it's my OH peeps.  I really have been overcommitted with my schedule lately and my YMCA visits have decrease.  It really hasn't increased the pounds on the scale, but the wiggle in my jiggle.  It is so frustrating.  I know with my mind that WLS isn't the cure.  It is just a tool.  I am hoping for some support to get to my goal.  I am looking to lose 15 lbs.  That is really laughable compared to what my weight loss goals used to be.  I am just gettting over my addiction to Cheetos.  That darn Chester.  I think about the calories I have wasted on those little bits of orange.  Very Sad.  It is really shocking that all your tastes change after surgery.  I crave crunch now.  It is always something.  Kit Kats fall into that category too.  However, it is still ALL GOOD.  I am thrilled with my results and I just have to refocus.  I don't want to slide down the slippery slope towards serious weight gain.  Post WLS, there is no such thing as "I would never do that if I had WLS surgery"  Whateva. 

I have been content and so thrilled with my new abilities and loving my new body.  Content isn't really a good thing for post WLS.  I am ready to focus and get to goal.  I have to lose 20+ more.  It will never come off if I don't step away from playing around with eating sugar and just coasting.  The workout part is so easy for me.  I don't know why, but I enjoyed classes at the YMCA as the fat chick.  I am loving them now.  I empowered by the "new" body and how it can workout.  Woohoo!!  It is a lifestyle choice and still a big change.   Maybe because that portion has been so easy for me... the sugar is slapping me upside my head.  I don't dump.  I have had a few queasy issues, but... I have tested it out.  I can really eat anything I want.  The food that makes me sick most often is chicken.  It has to be super moist or it gives me a pouch-ache.  I have some body image issues still, but I don't think workout will tone "it" up much more.  I had a free laser treatment done at a plastic surgeons office.  I saw what I would like to do for my upper arms.  Realy good results with only two holes in the arm, lipo and laser.  Maybe someday.  My arms and my stomach are what bugs me.  Really, I am pretty please with how well my skin has bounced back.  Those darn twins hurt my belly more than being overweight.  I am logging my food online again.  I know to have continued success I should be more dedicated to knowing what I put in my mouth on a daily basis.   My 15 months is coming up in May.  My 18 months in Aug.  Small goal for next month... the stupid scale to move.  Bigger goal for August.  Make goal.  My intent for surgery was to have a healthy lifestyle for the rest of my life.  Even if I didn't lose another pound, I have no reason to start a daily sugar habit.  Contentment and sugar would be a very bad combination. 

Seems crazy that it could have already been a year.  I am so happy with my decision to have WLS.  I wish that surgery alone cured the weight issue, but.. it doesn't.  However, the surgery is a tool.  I intend to use my tool for the rest of my life.  I am so thankful that I have been so incredibly healthy and no side effects from surgery.  I have been hovering up and down and around the same 3 pounds for several months.  I know I need to  focus more on my protein.  I will be making that my priority to get closer to goal.  There are so many things that I am able to do right.  I love being able to work out at the YMCA and not be the fat girl.  I love shopping in regular stores for clothing.  I love not being controlled by how overweight I am. I love feeling good in my own skin with my family.   I can pick out things that I wish I would have done better..  The carbs, the sugar... etc  However, I am so proud that I have been able to do so well. 

Well, I still need to lose some more to get to my goal by my surgiversary.  However.... Happy New Year to me.  This year is so different.  I do want to use the New Year to refocus and get back on track with my protein.  I am not overwhelmed with a depression about starting the new year knowing that I am severely obese.   We didn't do too much for New Years.  Small get together with BFF and family.  However, I was wearing my size 6 Levis.  That says it all.  

I tried a new class today at the YMCA, Circuit Class.  I thought I was in pretty good shape.  OMG  This class is all about constantly causing muscle confusion.  Cardio, weights, sit-up, jump-ups, crabwalks, frogjumps, crazy.  I am so thankful for my WLS.  I was sucking air and red in the face, but I DID IT!!  This was a very HUGE accomplishment.  I am not to goal, but I am so thrilled that those numbers on the scale don't mean as much as what I am able to do now.  I can physically do WHATEVER I want to.   I still feel like the fat girl, but it doesn't stop me from trying new stuff.  My body has changed and I definitely am very strong, but also VERY jiggly.  I will take that any day compared to where I was last December.   Today I tried this new class and then another hour with my Body Pump class.  My diet is not always what I imagined.  However, I really am thankful and thrilled that I have embraced so many healthy changes in my lifestyle.  Happy New Year to me!! 

Finally the scale moved a little this morning.  177.8    89.2 since surgery and 104.2 total loss.  WOO HOO!!

I have been trying to be less obsessed with the scale.  Having Shingles helped that.  I was so obsessed about the rash on my neck that I didn't worry about the scale for the last couple of week.  I took a week off of working out because of being sick and gross.  My eating habits have not been the best.  I can eat sugar and carbs without dumping.  That  doesn't have to be a totally bad thing, but I have been wallowing a little in my Shingle misery.  However, last week I started working out again.  I have been feeling smaller.  After my long stall, it is nice to see the scale move a little bit.  

So, I am at 10 months.  I am thrilled with my loss.  It has been slower than I would like, but .... It is awesome.  I am fitting into jeans that are 8 or 6's.  I topped out at a very tight 20.    I am a large or a medium on top.  I was a 22-24, 3X.   My bra size has gone from a 42E to to 36DDD.  I just feel so much better.    I wonder where I will end up.  My highest was 282 lbs.  My first big goal was to lose 100 lbs from surgery.  On my surgery day, I weighed 267.  I am getting close.  10.8 and I will hit that mark.  After that my next goal is to meet the surgeons goal of 155.  My initial random goal was 142 (half my higest weight). 

Where will I end up?  Very slow losing for me so I hope to get to 167 by my 1 yr anniversary.  After that, I just don't know.  I am not sure how much more I can lose.  I do have tons of extra abdominal fat/muffin top.  It is from being obese, but also from my pregnancy with the twins.  My babies were 7.5 and 6.15 so... my stomach is stretched out to say the least.  Excercise will not help that.  That is the BEST thing.  I have always worked out.  I enjoy going to the YMCA.  I just am thrilled now to be able to workout and see the results.  I definitely am going to buckle down and get more protein oriented with my food so that I can hit my goal by my year anniversary. 

Now, I am at the point were people do not recognize me.  I also am at the point were so many people at church are telling me not to lose any more.  I am a very muscular person.  I may end up weighing more than I would like, but I DEFINITELY want to lose more.  I will reach my 167 goal. 

Thank God for this surgery....

Yesterday was my first Thanksgiving post surgery.  It was okay.  I ate a couple more snacks yesterday and today, but that's it.  It's not even the amount of food that I would have had on one plate before.  I want to get back to the basics, but it was not a big deal.  I have definitely found out that I can eat sugar w/o dumping so far.  It's sad that I am hoping that I would have dumped with severe symptoms.

I had my 9 month checkup with Dr. Shina.  All is well.  I just have 3 more months till my 1 yr anniv.  Can't believe how much my body has changed.  I looked at my before pics and it just really amazes me. 

I am thankful for WLS.

that says it all.  We went on a family bike ride today.  The first part was easy, but when we turned around to come back the wind was very strong and it was hard.  I was tired and it was really windy in places, but I did it.  It is soooooo amazing to feel that strong.  I could keep up with my husband or pass him.  I am amazed.  I would have never agreed to go on such a long bike ride a year ago.  It is so amazing.  I have been spinning at the YMCA, but that was the first time on a bike in a couple of years.  I felt so young and free.  That is such a WLS moment.  I would never be where I am today w/o WLS.   I will weigh in the morning.  I am committed to logging my food and trying to break through my slooooow  loss/stalls.  Today gave me such pleasure.  It totally wasn't about what size I was wearing today.  It wasn't about how many pounds the scale said.  It was about feeling good and confident in my own skin.  It feels good to LIVE in the moment instead of saying when I lose or when I was younger or before I was pregnant.