I love life, but I don't love being this weight. I can't wait until my surgery and rebirth!
7/20/2006 Today I woke up and peace has settled over me. I guess I got the usual pre-surgery jitters. (I even wrote a list of instructions to my husband should something go wrong with the surgery). How dumb is that? Anyway, this morning the Lord laid his hand on me and gave me peace. He will guide my surgeon's hand on Monday and I will be OK.
Guess I should start with my story...I wasn't always MO. Before I had children I was a normal weight of 120 lbs. With my first child I gained 85 lbs. due to gestational diabetes. After she was born, I lost 30 lbs, but no where near where I was pre-pregnancy. My second child came along 2 1/2 years later. By then my marriage was falling apart and I was using food to fill the hole left in my life. My second daughter was born and my marriage seemed to even out. I gained another 50 lbs. with my second child and only lost 20 lbs. after she was born. 3 months after having my second child, I was pregnant with my 3rd child. Of course, this was not what my husband wanted at the time. Neither did I! I have never been a believer in abortion, so along came daughter #3! (BTW, my girls are all a blessing. I truly believe they are gifts from God). I gained another 50 lbs. with my 3rd child and only lost 10 lbs. after that pregnancy. So you see where I am going here, right?
Not long after that my marital problems reared their ugly heads again. Sitting down to eat a whole bag of Funions was nothing for me! I was depressed and denying anything was wrong. I found comfort and solace in food! I gave up my whole life for my husband, including my music. I gave up my health and my sanity as well. It is unbelievable what you are willing to do to save something you thought you wanted!
When my 3rd child was 3, I decided to try home daycare. Soon I was running my own daycare business. I had 15 children, a van and 1 employee! I lost 60 lbs. running the daycare. Those were some of the best years of my life. I have always loved children, so this was perfect for me. (Running around with them helped me to shed that 60 lbs. let me tell you)!
After running the day care for 4 years, I decided to go back into the world that I have given up. I got a job in an office working as an accounts payable supervisor. GUESS WHAT??? Those people loved to eat! I ballooned to almost 300 lbs. in the space of 6 months! That was when the weight loss nightmare spun out of control.
Most of you probably know all of this, don't you? I tried pills, Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem, and anything I could think of to lose the weight. I was in a yo-yo spiral and getting no where. Then I finally found something that worked, DIVORCE!!! I lost 80 lbs. I was ecstatic, miserable, mourning, but ecstatic. I lived in 12 years of marital hell. Then one day I woke up after my husband had left and thought to myself, "Wow, I don't miss him. I'm OK, I didn't need that relationship anyway"!!!
About 4 months after my 1st husband left. I met the true love of my life, my husband Bryon. We met online! Bryon is a professional pianist! I knew we were right for each other because we were so much alike! We were married secretly December 14, 2002. (More on that later). I lost another 20 lbs. after we were married, but as with all marriages - when you get comfortable in a stable relationship you gain weight. I gained 30 lbs. back.
That leads me to today. I am a happy and active 264 lb. woman. I work out regularly at Curves, I have 4 beautiful daughters (Bryon had a daughter from his previous marriage), and I love life. I sing opera, perform music whenever I get the chance and I love to travel. I DON"T love being a 264 lb. woman!
I have been looking into WLS for about 5 years now. Yo-yo dieting didn't work, diet pills were not good for me, starving myself wasn't the answer. Finally, my voice teacher and I had a heart to heart talk. I couldn't understand why I wasn't getting bigger opera roles. I can sing circles around just about anyone, so why wasn't I being chosen for at least a smaller role? My voice teacher told me it was because of my weight. Deep down I knew that, but it took him to tell me that before it really sunk in. I kept thinking "opera singers are supposed to be overweight, right", WRONG! So to make an already long story short; my voice teacher, Jerry Kopmar, put me in touch with another voice student, Dr. Barry Taylor. My PCP wouldn't even touch the WLS issue, he didn't believe in it. Dr. Taylor would.
I met with Barry in Feb. '06, told him I was trying to pursue WLS and asked his opinion. He told me I would be a perfect candidate for it. My BMI was 42 and I was healthy enough without alot of co-morbid issues, that I should try for it. He wrote a recommendation letter to my insurance company along with several other diagnosis, i.e arthritis and borderline diabetes. I was approved in 3 months!
After attending the WLS info session with Premiere Bariatric Associates at Miami Valley Hospital, I was impressed with Dr. Teel and Maguire. I went through the battery of tests including the psych evaluation. (Turns out I am completely sane, to which I thought. "Take that ex-moron)! My surgery is scheduled for July 24, 2006 at 12:45 p.m. My re-birthday! I will see you on the other side!
08/04/2006 - Today I am 11 days out of surgery. I'm still hobbling around a bit, but other than ocassionally getting tired, I'm doing great. Finally had the great "poop fest" on Wednesday morning and things are moving fine! My weight today is 249! I can't believe this!!!! It took me 6 months and a whole lot of dieting to get 16 pounds off in 6 months and with this surgery it has been 11 days! WOW!!!!! You would not believe how bored I am right now! The girls have gone to their father's house for the weekend and my husband is going crazy trying to reboot the cable box. (Something about the sound). Anyway, I am looking forward to going back to work on the 15th and getting this stupid J-tube out next week. WHAT A PAIN!
08/18/2006 - Wow, the scale says 242! The J-tube came out ok, but it was sort of painful. Seems my body loved the stupid thing, so it just accepted it as another part of my body. OUCH! I went back to work on 8/15 and I am having the time of my life. Thank God for DS, thank God for DS!
Here's a ticker so far! I am so excited. Today I have on a pair of pants I bought in March for a party. They are WAY to big for me! WOO HOO!
a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/" mce_href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/">
8/31/06 What a beautiful and wonderful day it is today. The weather is gloomy and rainy, but I don't care. Today I have lost 30 lbs! As far as I am concerned, it is a beautiful, sunny day! Life is good!
9/18/06 Words cannot express how grateful I am for having this wonderful surgery. There have been pitfalls and great joy, but I thank God every day for my DS surgery!
The pitfalls: Bathroom issues. Either I am running to the bathroom every 5 minutes or I am not. I cannot tell at this stage of the game, which it is going to be.
Food issues: Some things I am tolerating well, some not. It's a crap shoot.
Surgery issues: Seems my incision is coming apart (yes, this late in my recovery) just at the "bra line". I have to call Dr. Teel about that.
The joys: NOT counting every calorie or gram of fat!
Walking and NOT having my knees ache!
Having people tell me how skinny I look.
My back doesn't hurt anymore.
My rings are loose.
Imagining what I am going to look like when I lose all this weight! (My mother tells me I am starting to look like I did when I was in high school).
Catching my husband looking at me in a dreamy sort of way!
Hearing my children tell me that I'm pretty.
The other joy (and I imagine this every day), is finally going to my next opera rehearsal, in Jan. 2007 and having the director finally notice me. I can't wait to WOW everyone!
Today I am 228 lbs. I never thought it was possible! I see Dr. Teel in a few days and I am hoping he is pleased. Lord, thank you for the wonderful gift of WLS!!!!!!!
10/16/2006 Dopey me keeps forgetting to put the dates on my posts! Anyway, I am down 51 lbs. as of Saturday 10/14/2006. I only weigh on Saturday's now because the scale was being an evil thing! So I decided to stop the insanity and get off the scale every day and miracle of miracles, the scale moved...A LOT!
I cannot believe how much better I feel and how sexy I feel. I am wearing a very loose 20 now, (think I am more like an 18 now). I am not buying new clothes until my clothes are falling off me. That will be in the next two months! I fully expect to walk into my first opera rehearsal in January and have jaws drop!
Words really can't express how grateful I am for having this gift. There have been a few drawbacks, like toilet issues and some odor, but I wouldn't trade this for the world! Before a pre-op goes into surgery, they never really know how this feels. I was even afraid that it wouldn't work. Here I am a post op (by almost 3 months) and it HAS worked. This feels wonderful!
10/25/2006 Yesterday was the 3 month DS anniversary and I am down now 55 lbs. I am wearing loose 20's and went down two bra sizes! My shoes don't fit anymore (darn, now I have to go buy new ones) What shall I do??? Ha, ha!
This past week I started loosing my hair. I nearly freaked out! My hair was my best feature! It's comong out in handfuls!!!! The girls on the DS board have been very supportive and they tell me it will grow back. I went to the salon yesterday and had two inches cut off. My girls tell me I look like a Carol Brady cast off. (How's that for nice)? Anyway, the shorter "do" will hopefully stop the hair loss. I know nothing will stop it when it has begun and it is temporary, but I am freaking just the same. When you spend the last 20 years of your life being a heavy person, you grasp on to the one or two features that you really enjoy; mine was my hair. I'll try to post more pics this weekend. Have to have the hubby take the 3 month pictures.
My husband and I are planning a cruise in June of 2007. I can't wait! This will be the first time we have traveled and I won't be extremely overweight. I have even been out shopping for a "little black dress". Maybe by the time we go on vacation I will be down to my goal weight.
I will say I have been having trouble working out. I just can't seem to get to Curves lately. What's up with that?
11/08/2006 After 3 months I am starting to realize what all the fuss is about. There have been so many incredible WOW moments. I am down 61 lbs. now and I am starting to look THIN! It has been so long since I looked this way, I'd say at least 15 years! This past weekend my husband and I went to a bar mitzvah where we saw people we hadn't seen in months. Although it was a long service (we are Methodists and we tend to keep things at an hour), it was a beautiful service. There was such a sense of family. Even though we are not related to this family, they are dear friends and it was such an honor to be invited to this event. It was important to me as well, because these people hadn't seen me in about 6 months. They couldn't get over the change in me. Not only have I lost weight, but my outlook on life has also gotten better. Lighter I should say, lol!
The same day as the bar mitzvah, I went to a vocal concert given by my voice teacher who also has not seen me since the day of surgery. The concert was wonderful! My teacher has such a beautiful tenor voice and I was again honored to be included in something so personal. My teacher was one of the people who was instrumental (forgive the pun) in helping me to make the WLS decision. He understood right from the beginning what a huge decision this was. Jerry (my teacher) was not only concerned for my voice, but my health. He knew how unhappy I was, he could see it. When he saw me the other night, he said he almost didn't recognize me. A lot of people who saw me that night couldn't believe it was me. One of my former voice teachers said I looked like a NY model! I told her thanks, but I have a long way to go. For once, the stares of other people didn't bother me. I knew they were floored at the change in my body and my spirit.
I am more outgoing now, (not that I wasn't before), but there is no longer a frightened fat person awaiting judgement from others here. There is a beautiful, healthy and happy thinner person here.