Jenniffer H.
A Recovering Food Addict's Realization a month after surgery...
Jan 27, 2010
Wow... hard to believe it has been a month since I had surgery!! I can remember back in August when I was telling my sister in law that I didn't think surgery was for me. Now I am a month out and man have I learned alot. I have thrown up twice once because I had too much water and then tried to eat cottage cheese after a half an hour and then a week later because my broccoli wasn't mushy enough.It has truly been the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. I have struggled with my weight since the day I was born I have always been overweight or obese or morbidly obese. When I was born I weighed 10lbs. 5ozs. My mom always tells me the story about how people used to comment on how big a baby I was. I remember being in middle school and being 150lbs and thinking how fat I was. I remember in college being 250lbs and life after college went from 300lbs all the way to 1lb away from 400lbs.
I have had a long relationship with food than I have with almost anything else in my life except family. I remember being in school and getting through the day thinking about what my mom would be making for dinner and that would get me through the day. I remember in college not having a lot of money like most and eating a mixing bowl full of egg noodles or rice covered in butter and salt and pepper. As I got older and made a little more money fast food started to become away of life as did going out to dinner with friends. I work 12 hour days and love going and sitting in a restaurant and having someone serve me. It was a treat plus I enjoyed being out with my friends and felt like such a grown up when I would go out to dinner. I remember loving the food so much at times and other times going into auto pilot when I ate because I knew I just had to eat. I can remember hating eating at times because there were times I couldn't control myself and would hate myself after I ate because I felt miserable after eating a meal of nothing but fat and carbs.
I say all of this because I didn't realize that I wasn't getting a 2 for 1 surgery. My doctor did a gastric bypass but did not do a lobotomy. I never knew how deep my food issues ran until I could not have those things that gave my so called comfort. I miss those foods but wouldn't do anything differently. I don't regret my decision to have surgery but sometimes I struggle with knowing I can probably never have chicken fettuccine alfredo again. I never watched Food Network before surgery and now I find myself watching it all the time. I miss those foods but I think I am also a little afraid of what's to come. I say that because I see people who have been thin before in their life and remember what it's like to be thin. I have never been thin so while I am extremely excited about what's to come I am intrigued by the journey.
I struggle with food every day and realize that I am similar to an alcoholic and need to take each day at a time. So I will do my best to take each day at a time but let me say this now I appreciate you all who will be there for me in the future to dust me off and help my stay on the positive track to my journey's destination. I am making a promise to myself to do my best to get the absolute most out of this gift I have been given and to always find the silver lining even when I am having one of my little pity parties. I can and will work every day to beat my addiction once and for all:)
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About Me
Grand Rapids, MI
Location
37.6
BMI
Surgery
12/29/2009
Surgery Date
Feb 18, 2002
Member Since
