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I have spent all morning looking at the date and trying SO HARD to remember WHY is seems familiar.  Someone's birthday?  Anniversary?  Not that I could think of...............THEN, it FINALLY hit me.........4 years ago today was my RNY!  

WOW!  How time changes things......4-5 years ago literally ALL I could think about, every waking moment, was my surgery.  Now.....not so much. 

Not that I am not aware that I had this done, the tool is still working very well.....restriction and dumping are still intact.  It's just become a part of me and I down't obsess about it any more.  I now just live, day to day.  I never lost what I had hoped to lose and have had a bit of "bounce back" but I am in better health than I was 4 years ago and I am NOT giving up.  I keep plugging along and maybe, some day, I will get closer to goal.  If not, I am still much better off than I was and I am grateful.

I have not seriously exercised in almost a year.  A year ago, I had another major surgery (unrelated to the RNY) and I could not exercise for a few months.  During that time, my indoor bike was moved to the basement and not only can't I get my boys to bring it back up, they have lost the electrical cord.  That, and the exercise did not seem to be helping (or so I thought).  NOW, I WANT to get back to exercising, as I have been walking again and I FEEL better when I move.  So, I will continue to keep moving and see what I can do to find a plug for this machine or get another form of exercise.

I contribute my gain to the non-exercise and to more wine than is prudent.  I have stopped the wine and am now paying closer attention to my diet.  I also need to schedule my yearly review with my surgeon's office. 

Today is my 2 year surgiversary!  My, how time flies.  Although I never reached goal and am still very confused by my nutritionist, I would not go back to where I was 2-3 years ago.  If I could just figure out how to lose these last 25-30 pounds, I would be perfectly happy.  I AM happy, don't get me wrong, but I just can't understand how I can eat so much less, so much healthier, exercise so much more, and nothing changes.  The "starvation mode" excuse does not cut it.  There is no way my body has been in starvation mode for 14 months.

I feel so much better, and can do so many things that I could not do before.  I look much better too, but that pretty much goes without saying.

At my 2 year check up, the doctor made me feel a bit better by reminding me that maintaining the same weight, without more than a 5 pound fluctuation for over a year is also an accomplishment.  That would have never happened "before".  "Before", I would have lost 20-30 pounds and gained back 25-40 or more.  So, in this way, I am successful.

My visit with the nutritionist, however, was not so great.  I still don't think that she understands our special needs.  She says that I should only have one shake per day, I only need 60 grams of protein per day and I can eat white carbs.  This is completely opposite of what I have read everywhere else.  SHE thinks that I should stay between 1200-1500 calories, with "45% carbohydrate, 25% protein and 30% fat "----So, with this thinking, I should eat mostly "good carbs"?  I just wish there was a place to get the REAL low down on what will work for most people.  I KNOW that we are all different, but each program has a different protocol, and I am tired of trying them all.

That said, I think I will try to keep my protein at 40%, good carbs at 30% and 30% fat.  This is what I read somewhere and it seems like a decent option.  What I really want to do is not obsess over it so much.

I really thought that surgery would be a tool to help me eat less (which it IS), and that, along with more exercise, would enable me to be "normal" and lose weight into the "normal" range and keep it off with hard work.  I am horribly disappointed that is not the case.  I AM eating less and exercising more............I just can't help but be disappointed.

We had a beautiful day, despite the beginning and forcast rain.
By parade time, the weather was awsome and continued all day, until 11 pm.

Here is a link to the pictures that my Aunt took:

[URL=http://family.webshots.com/album/564186222KgridW][IMG]http://thumb7.webshots.net/t/50/750/8/0/41/2133800410049562867YdJdkk_th.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

My 18 months is at the end of the month (27th) but I thought I would post now since I will be out of town that day.

Nothing has changed for me since 10 months out.  I still weigh 160-162, depending on the day.  I have tried everything and am ready to give up with all the hype.  I did not have this surgery to be "dieting" and trying every silly fad that comes along.  I will continue to eat healthy meals with at least 2 protein shakes per day.  I think I like the "6 small meals" idea better than 3 larger ones.  I exercise almost daily, cardio and strength, which I would never have kept up with before.

That said, I feel and look much better than I did.  I am able and willing to do many more things than before surgery.  My husband thinks that I am "hot" and he told me the other day that he is proud of me and notices all my hard work.  I feel that I am no longer an embarrasment to my children and grandchildren, and I enjoy the occassional times when someone does not recognize me.

I would do it again, even though the results have been somewhat of a disappointment. 

My biggest fear is that since I am still "obese" in BMI, that I will still have the health issues that go along with being obese in the long run.  That, and the fact that with even a 10-15 pound possilble re-gain, I will feel like a real failure.  My hope for this surgery was to get quite a bit closer to "normal" BMI, but that does not seem to be in the cards.  So, in addition to the heath risks of being obese, I have an added component of malnutrition to contend with.  That is going to have to be OK.  I will deal with it and get over it.

I will continue to be supportive of my fellow WLSers on the Illinois board where I am most active.  I will continue the good habits that I have instilled and continue to be an example for my children.

I am slightly disappointed in my surgery team, as they don't seem to take my concerns very seriously.  Maybe it would just be better if they admitted that this happens sometimes for reason they don't yet understand.  This tool was supposed to make all the hard work that I do to become healthy a bit easier, but just like before surgery, it now does not seem to matter WHAT I do, nothing works.  That is very discouraging day after day after day.......that is why I failed in the past.  After working as hard as I could, with NO results, I would eventually give up and the pounds would pile back on.  Now, my body is responding in the same way as before, but I am terrified of the re-gain as there is NO other fix.  So I will keep on keepin' on.  (I hope....)

Oh well......in for a penny, in for a pound as they say.

 

Well, the nutritionist finally looked at my logs and got back to me with more conflicting advise.  My average carb percentage for the two weeks logged was around 30% (short of her 45%).  She tells me that I may be eating too many carbs.  She also does not like the protein bars that I was having a half of one as an afternoon snack.  She says they are too much like candy and not enough protein to justify the calories.  She says I WAS undereating (before I started logging and eating every two or so hours) and should stay between 1200-1300 calories per day.  She had no particular comment on the every 2 hours or so strategy.  She said to only weigh myself once every two weeks.  (I wonder why that matters, considering it has not done more than bounce up and down 2-3 pounds for 4 months????)  I was tracking everything I ate and all exercise every single day on SparkPeople and I really like that better than FitDay.  It is more user-friendly.  

Then, my favorite uncle died early in the morning on 1-20-08.  I went into Rockford to be with my aunt and my whole "anal retentive" schedule went right out the window for the last week.  I only did the bike once last week (on Thursday), but am back on as of this morning.  I have not lost or gained anything without the schedule, but I still plan to get back on track.

I DID however, get a picture from Todd's Christmas party to compare with the one from a couple of years ago when I was at my heaviest photographed weight.  WHAT a difference!  I spent the whole evening at his party hearing compliments on how great I looked and how "hot" I was.  It really did make me feel pretty good.  I guess I will focus on being happy about that and not worrying if I don't lose the hoped-for 25-40 more pounds.  I am going to try.

I can't seem to get the pictures to copy anywhere in a message or this blog, so I will upload them to my profile.  Bummer-----I kind of wanted a side-by-side comparison.
 

Here it is again----another month passed.  My weight was 162 again this morning.  Over the long weekend for 4 days, it was 160!  I was hopeful that the scale was beginning to move again, but yesterday morning------right back to 162.  I thought it might be water since while at home I am not as regimented, but I did 120 oz of pure water yesterday in addition to a whole pot of the decaffeinated chicory.

I DID take my measurements on 12-5 and found that I had lost 7.75 inches since the last measurements on 10-27!!!!!!  2 from my arms and 2 from my hips.  I fit into the button-fly Levi's that I bought to shrink into.  They are still a bit on the snug side though.  So....the exercise is doing SOMETHING.

I have to say though that I am getting more discouraged by the day.  I guess I should just "buck up" and realize that I am one of those who will never get to goal and this is the end.  I am thankful for the weight loss that I have had and the more active lifestyle that I now enjoy.  I am just very disappointed that I am still "obese" and probably will stay that way.  It is really hard to keep getting up at 4 am, especially in this horrible winter weather.

The nutritionist said that if the scale did not move by this time, that I should log my eating and exercise and contact her.  I will do so, but I am very confused with the eating advice that she gives as opposed to everything I read everywhere else.  She says I should be doing about 1200 calories with 45% carbohydrate, 25% protein and 30% fat" as a healthy diet.  My stats for yesterday were 26% carbs, 36% protein & 38% fat with about 1600 calories, according to FitDay.  That shows me that I ate too much fat yesterday, which if lowered, will bring the calories down too.  

Also according to FitDay, I burn approximately 2450 calories a day (1400 being basal).  So, even if I did eat 1600 calories, I am STILL at a deficit of 850 for the day------if this is average, shouldn't I still be dropping SOMETHING??????

Well, another month has passed and I am still here.  I have been on a "plateau" since 8-13-07 and it doesn't seem like I will be getting off of it any time soon.  I am a bit discouraged, but what can I do?  I would not choose to go back to 253 (highest), or even 230 (average before WLS).
I now exercise regularly.  I figured that was the only component missing so I added it in hopes of shaking things up.  I now get up at 4 am in order to fit it in----no more whining about, "I don't have time....".  
I started with the stationary bike for 30 minutes most days (5 of 7 at least).  I increased to a warm up (10 mph) of 1 mile, the next 25 minutes at an average 15-18 mph with sprints up to 30 mph, then a cool down of another mile at about 10 mph.  By the time of my 1 year appointment, I was doing about 40 minutes a day.
I now do an average of 6 miles on the bike at about 15-18 mph, then I work with resistance bands for another 20-25 minutes plus cool down (stretching) of 5-10 minutes.  Some monrings, I exercise for a whole hour!
I still have not seen any results in my weight or clothes fit.
The doctor and nutritionist assure me that I am doing more than most patients and that the weight WILL start moving again, just keep doing what I am doing.  OK--------what choice do I have at this point?
I DO feel a bit more energetic, but still sometimes feel like a nap in the afternoon.  
I got my hair professionaly highlighted and cut last night.  It is certainly different!  My husband says he liked it better before.  Oh well, it will grow on us (literally and figuratively).
That's my whine for taday and I'm sticking to it!

Well…….here I am, I year (and a few of days) post-op. 
     I have been having trouble putting into words how I feel.  I do not regret my decision for a minute.  I am healthier than I have been since high school.  I can do things that I haven’t done in YEARS.  I need to focus on all the positives.   

     On the 27^th of October, 2006, my husband drove me to Madison, WI for surgery that would change my life.  I was not really nervous at all.  I had been fighting insurance companies for that day for almost 2 years and I spent most of that time becoming educated about what was going to happen to me.  I read everything I could find on OH and everywhere else.  I talked with WLS patients.  I was READY.   

     The first thing I remember as I was coming out of recovery was hearing the nurses talking about something leaking.  OMG!!!!! Was I leaking?!?!?!?!?!?  (That is one of the worst things that could happen!!!)  I finally was able to speak, and asked the dreaded question………NO!!!!! I was NOT leaking……..they were having a delay getting me up to a room because there was a leak in the ceiling of the room I was supposed to be taken to!  Well, that made me feel better and I went back to sleep.   

     Next thing I know, I am being wheeled into a room and my DH is there waiting for me along with his parents.  Then I went back to sleep.  I woke up for a bit and we finally convinced my husband to go with them to get something to eat.  Even though he was told I would be in surgery and recovery for 2-3 hours, he had refused to go to eat and he had not had anything all day (by then, it was after 3 pm).  So, I went back to sleep.  
      After he got back, I took my first walk.  First to the bathroom, then out into the hallway.   

     I spent 2 nights in the hospital and each walk was longer than the last one.  I walked every time I thought of it.   

     I never had any problems then, or now.  I do not vomit, foam, or have any trouble with eating.  If anything, I worry that I eat too much, but the doctor and nutritionist assure me that I am doing everything correctly. 

I have lost a total of 90 pounds since my highest weight (which was sometime during the 2 year wait); 71 pounds since the liquid diet and 60 since surgery itself.  I still need 36 pounds to hit “normal” on the BMI scale.  I have not lost a single thing for 3 months.  Am I done?  Again, they assure me that I am not done losing, and am doing everything correctly.  Today, I can only hope that they are correct.  I have even been exercising “vigorously” for the last 2 months.  (I am now up to riding the stationary bike for 35 minutes at an average of 15 mph at LEAST 5 out of 7 days.)  I will be adding in work with resistance bands and the stability ball soon.   

     Again…….I need to focus on the positives:  
 

I can tie my shoes without turning blue! 
I can wash every inch of my body! 
I can RUN!!!!  (Not very far, but I CAN!!!!) 
My 14 year old son can pick me up and carry me like a bride. 
I share some clothes with my 11 year old daughter! 
I can wear clothes that my 11 year old daughter won’t wear! 
I did the Swiss Canoe Races at A Day in Rock City this year! 
I can breathe! 
My husband keeps telling me how sexy I am! 
I can buy clothes off the rack! 
I have a whole new “sleeping attire” wardrobe!
I can walk with the marching band for whole parades! 
I do not sweat getting ready in the morning! 
I barely sweat in 90+ degree heat, during activity! 
I can “curl up” on the couch or in a chair to read, or snuggle with my hubby! 
I am starting to actually LIKE exercise! 
I fit into booths at restaurants! 
I fit into airline seats and the belt fits around me! 
I have made a lot of new friends through OH that understand this process.   

There are more, but I think you get the idea!   

     From here on out, I will follow the plan and hope for the best.  It IS difficult to see others get to goal so quickly, but there is no turning back for me.  I have to learn to live with the cards that I have been dealt.  Let’s just hope that there are still some surprises in store.  My biggest wish is to be of “normal” BMI some day.   

     A couple of interesting things I learned from my surgeon at the 1 year check up……. 
     He states that a stoma can not stretch out or relax very much due to the size of the circular stapler that they use to make the connection.  (What is the Stomaphyx procedure then?)  He also says that the pouch can never, ever, ever “grow back to normal stomach size” as another patient told me in the waiting room.  He says that a person who routinely overstuffs the pouch will cause a bit of dilation, but the pouch will never really become very big.  Again, I will have to believe the experts and stop worrying so much.

 

 

 

 

Well......not too much to update on.

I am feeling pretty good.  I am able to do things that I have not ever done before, and some things that it has just been a VERY long time since I've done, or would attempt to do.

I went shopping at my favorite consignment shop last weekend and bought 3 skirts (2 short and one long) some tops, pj's and a new bathing suit.  The bathing suit is SIZE 12!!!!!!  Most of the rest of the things are size "medium".  I really can not remember the last time I wore that size, but it must have been 22 years ago, around the time I first met Todd.

It really feels good to be able to wear these cute clothes.  I have worn a new and different outfit each day so far this week!!!!

I seem to be losing again, even though it is still slow as ever.  I like 2 pounds a week better than 2 pounds a month though.  I guess if I can keep losing 1-2 pounds per week, I'll eventually get where I want to be.

I'm still tired a lot, I think it is due to the iron problem.  Last week, I had to pull over on the way home from work to take a 20 minute nap.  I have NEVER had to do that before.  Hopefully, that will be fixed soon.

Todd and I are looking at places to go in October for our 15th anniversary and we have considered going to Key West during their Fantasy Fest.  I would never have even considered it before----who wants to see a big Ol' fat lady trying to look sexy?  During Fantasy Fest, many people wear costumes to play out erotic fantasies......I have actually given some thought to participating....or I might actually wear a toga.  We will see what happens.

I still have no problems with food, so that is a good (and could be bad) thing.

I did it; I did it; I really really did it!!!!!

Saturday was A Day in Rock City 2007.  It was a GLORIOUS day for many reasons, the most important for me was that I PARTICIPATED in the Swiss Canoe Races!!!!!  See the pictures!!!!

We have been in Rock City for 5 years and I have been on the ADRC committee for 4.  Each year, the Swiss Canoes looked like a lot of fun, but there was NO WAY I was going to participate in them.  I was WAY too BIG.

SOOOOOOOOO.......I DID IT!!!!  And it is MUCH harder than it looks (although it looks a bit difficult).  I never would have made it in the past, and I would have been a laughing stock.

We did not win, but we did not turn in the worst time either.  We completed the race in 55.21 seconds, and the first 10-15 were because we could not seem to get moving.  Once we got moving, we did pretty well and we didn't fall down!  I am really happy with this non-scale victory!!!!

The weather was wonderful (low 80's), the food at my house was great, the bands were fine, and we spent much of the day enjoying the festivities instead of working.  The company was wonderful.....in addition to my family and friends, a lovely couple from right here at OH drove an hour and a half (or more....) to attend.