bfmanning
Have gotten through a few hurdles, but found others!
Mar 19, 2009
I have been researching and working through all the processes for doing weight loss surgery for months now. Each day it becomes more of a reality. And some days I find more snags to drag me down in getting this done!
I made a date with my (adult) kids for 04/19, that's three days before I am scheduled for VSG. I plan to tell them then, what I am doing. I feel like I have been sneaking around, keeping this stuff from them. I don't like being a sneak! It is not like me at all! But I have just not felt yet that I was ready to tell them. I cannot bear their criticism and their fears. I have enough to do to deal with my own stuff about all of this right now!
I am still working through all the pre-screenings and hoops that one has to jump through in order to get this surgery accomplished. I don't want to drag my kids and my extended family in to any of it until I am 100% sure this is going to come to be.
But it needs to come to be. God! It so needs to come to be!!!
I just cannot keep packing around all this gawd-awful weight. It is literally killing me. I feel it!! I am so lucky that it has not done more nasty things to me than it already has! I have two younger brothers who also have weight issues, (as does most of my family). The both of my brothers have diabetes and one has a bunch of side effects from that already!! I don't want to be where they are. And I am sure if I had not fought weight as much as I have over the years, I would be exactly where they are...and I will be there too if I don't get this weight under control, and SOON!
I just am not winning the fight over weight on my own. I need more than white knuckles, will power, meditation, and 12-step programs to whip this weight for good! I hope and pray that wls will be the added tool that will tip the odds in my favor!
Today I told my boss that I am planning to do wls. I was really worried that he would be unhappy because of my needing to be off work. But he took it well and he seems supportive! What a relief! I did ask for his confidentiality about this. I am just not ready to have everyone on the planet know that I am doing this. I feel so vulnerable about it.
I suppose that it is pretty stupid to be worrying about being secretive about doing wls--especially when I am blogging about it on a website that others can see all over the planet! But..Hey...I need my illusions! Some day I will feel less vulnerable about this and I will likely be much more open about it with others. But I surely do not feel this way right now!
I see my PCP next Wednesday and the cardiologist the day after that. Then I will know if there are more tests that I need done before they will give me medical clearance.
But the clock just keeping counting down....
