bfmanning
Yahoooo, I made a milestone!
Apr 07, 2009
I have been doing a pre-op, mostly liquid protein diet getting ready for surgery on 04/22/09. Today when I weighed, I made it under 300--in fact to 299! It has been a while since I have been here and I am so very grateful!! I have hopes and prayers to get all this excess weight off so that I can be healthy! I've lost 18 pounds so far and I haven't even had the surgery yet!! But I know I cannot keep this up indefinitely, (which is what I must do in order to lose all this excess weight), without more tools than I currently have at my disposal. VSG will be a great gift in this respect!
This is hard, and I have to fight to not go eating anything that I should not. But I won't because I do not want to jeopardize my surgery with the fatty liver thing. I am concerned about this, though, because even after I had previously lost 100 pounds and made it down to 228, I had to have an abdominal ultrasound and they said then that I had a "fatty liver". This is the first time in my life that I was told this. Well, I certainly do not weigh that little at this time!!
I hope doing the pre-op diet will be enough. I believe I will still have a fatty liver even when I get to surgery!
All I can do is what I am doing...and God is in charge of the rest.
I love exercise, but I have not been able to do much for a while. I fell in April 2008 and really damaged my right knee significantly. It just keeps getting better and then plunging right back down into useless! I was humuliated and ashamed of myself because I just could not get my knee well, and I am absolutely certain that it has to do with my having put on 60 pounds in the last year or so. I have been hobbling around on a cane when my knee is really acting up, and this is very, very humuliating!!
I did physical therapy for 2 months straight, starting in January 2009, and then I had to bail out when my father had a stroke on 03/23. I felt like I really had a set-back of at least a month's progress with my knee just from not being able to get to PT!!! But Dad's are more important than even PT.
A couple of days ago I went to Sports Authority and bought the ankle weights I needed to get back to PT and do it on my own. It is helping now, but I've got some strength-gaining ground to recover before I will be up to exercise again.
My weight loss surgeon wants me exercising right now. But right now, all I am good for is keeping up with the physical therapy on my own...which I am faithfully doing because if I don't, I can't walk without mega pain in my knee and below!
I am hoping and praying that getting my weight down will also make exercise more do-able again. Exercise just makes me feel so, so, so much better when I can do it!! I love it--though I can hardly believe it because I fought exercise most of my life!
I am feeling pretty overwhelmed about getting all the pre-screening reports and permissions all orchestrated together. I feel like a music conductor, trying to get all the doctors and their staff on task and getting things faxed to where ever they need to go. It is a good thing that I can balance a bunch of things all coming together...otherwise, I think they would be hauling me away in a padded truck about now.
I don't have all the paperwork resolved for wls even yet, but I am getting closer, MUCH CLOSER! Soon things will all be handled and I will be able to relax a little.
I've been doing much more healing work with my spiritual healer in preparation for this wls. I am so grateful for her! She has taught me meditation and all things from the spiritual realm over the last 9 + years. I feel so much more at peace about so many things in my life. I used to be a nervous wreck all the time. Now I can go through mega stressful times and not get completely befuddled. Sometimes I can even do it somewhat gracefully!! This is a vast improvement in me!!
I am finding myself aware of feeling a lot of fear about this wls coming up so fast. I know I am doing the right thing for me. But I find myself scared about all of the adjustments that must happen in me in order to recover from the surgery and recover from using food as a coping mechanism for life.
I have been able to whip every single hard thing in my life except for my addiction to food--at least permanently, anyway. I need to permanently get my weight under control. I have been damn lucky that this 'ol body of mine has held up so well, giving the significant abuse I have given it over my 53 years. It's a damn good body, even weighting 299 pounds!!
