bfmanning
T-minus two days to surgery...and counting!
Apr 20, 2009
I am less than two days away from surgery! I cannot believe that I am here, so close! It seemed like it was a long trek to get to here, as I was walking through it...And now, looking back, it seems like the time passed in a flash! That is so strange!
I have been feeling a few butterflies in my gut, but they are quickly replaced with that "melting into a soft, fluffy cloud place" that is the gift of Surrender. I am getting much better at it! Yahooooo! It is the very best place for me to stay always, but especially when life is scary, crazy and/or stressful. I so wish I could have managed to stay in a Surrender place over food! But I am even in a surrendered place about not being able to manage food without more tools to do it! It simply is "What Is" for me!
Surrendering for me is not about working like a dog to achieve something, but instead, a letting go and letting myself just fall off the cliff--and trusting that God is at the helm. I need not be concerned about a single thing. What a gift!
It is always a risk to choose to surrender. But each time I recognize that at some level I am fighting and I make the decision to stop the fight, I find that I am always held in the falling, and it is such a peaceful and wonderous place to get the opportunity to be!! You would think that I would never fight it in the first place! Every time I do the surrendering, it gets easier and easier to take those Leaps of Faith! Nothing but wonderous things happen in my life when I am courageous and embrace those Leaps!
I am so very grateful for all the friends I have met on this journey to acquire one more tool to help me heal my addiction to food. Listening to the plights and trials of others with similar struggles as I have makes me realize that no matter how much I get to thinking that I am just one, lone, odd duck on the planet, down deep, we are all absolutely the same. There is great comfort in this realization. There is much comfort in hooking up with all of the folks walking similar paths as I am.
