Jul 30, 2008
I have not been to the movie theatre in years, actually the last movie I saw at the theatre was with my best friend, Nina and her sister, TIna when we went to see the Mel Gibson, movie, What Women Want. IT's been awhile in other words.
On Sunday it was so terribly hot and my son, Matthew and I decided to go to see the new Batman movie, Dark Knight. I was excited about going and automatically thought will I be able to fit in the seats, can I walk the distance from the parking lot into the theatre. THis so insane of me to be thinking like this and I wonder if I will ever think other than being BIG!!!
My son drove and I got to ride in his nice little low rider, TransAM which is an experience all in itself to get in and out of that silly thing. THey look awesome but very uncomfortable. It was so nice to go someplace with my son not have to plan out every little detail so that I could be there. Before my surgery I would have had to use my wheelchair and would have had to sit in the special place for the handicap, which is awesome that they now have that section for the handicap. Before that didn't exist and you stuck in the aisle at the back by the exit. Been there done that before.
WE walked in and found the theatre for our movie and in we went. I was able to climb the stairs to the upper level with no problems and also was able to walk down through between the rolls of seats straight, walking normal, no turning sideways so that you could fit down through there. I was so excited that I was able to walk down through there like normal people. The seats were fantastic, BOY OH BOY have they come a long way over the years. I remember the hard seats that had not give what so ever and now these seats are like mini recliners with cup holders too!
WE watched the movie and enjoyed our time together, mother and son at the movies and look forward to going again. This is one more thing I get to check off my do to list of things I am able to regain back into my life or things that I have never ever done before. This truely is amazing to be able to do this again. I know it's just going to the movies, but for someone that was reclusive and never did that sort of thing in years, this is wonderful. I felt normal and didn't even have people staring at me like I was a freak. I am starting to be more normal instead of the freak show, even had a man stop and look me in the eyes as he was talking to me and ask me how I was doing and if I enjoyed the movie. Before that would have never ever happened, let alone him look me in the eyes.
I had a blast and can't wait to go again. This might be a regular thing on SUnday afternoons, sounds good anyway.
Jul 30, 2008
Jun 27, 2008
I just recently took a trip to Chicago for a 2 day stay with my best friend, Nina. I have not flown in 10 yrs and it was exciting to think I was getting ready to take this trip and fly somewhere. I told myself before taking this trip that I would not allow myself to let my fears and insecurities get the best of me. I would push the envelope and go for it. I knew there was going to be alot of walking, but I had to do it, prove to myself I have it in me to accomplish this.
We parked in the normal parking lot and we walked into the terminal to the ticket counter. THe other problem I have had is standing for any length of time, my knees start giving out on me. I wanted to push that as well. We checked in our baggage, got our boarding passes and went to the appropriate gate to wait to board the plane. As we were sitting there I thought about actually being able to do this now and before there would be no way on earth I could have done it prior to my surgery. I figured out that it had been 10 yrs since I had flown last and WOW here I am getting ready to board a plane for this trip.
THe KCI Airport is nothing compared to some of the other airports out there like Midway or Ohara. Fortunately for us, we flew into Midway, but that is where I had my first real challenge. I had to get from the gate to the baggage claim and let me tell ya that was one hell of a walk. Previously I would have been in panic and a full blown anxiety attack would have happened, but I just kept pushing forward. My friend, Nina was my cheerleader and she just kept telling me, Kim, you can do this, just take your time and go slow. We can stop if you need to, but you can do this.
I have no idea how long it was that we walked but I can tell you it was quiet a distance and it has been longer than anything I have done lately all at once. I did have to sit down after walking up that slight incline past security, geesh I could feel that working on those muscles. In the back of my mind I was thinking I am sure as all get out I'm burning some serious calories right now and I know I will be losing some weight doing all this walking or I had better. I had weighed myself prior to leaving and was at 306 and curious if I would lose anything on this trip with all the walking that would be involved. Kept my fingers crossed, hoping so anyway.
Lately I have been up and down within 10-12 lbs and it has been driving me nuts. It's like I can't get past where I am and I know I need to evaluate what I am eating and everything, plus it's been awhile since I have had an adjustment. I wanted to make this trip first to see if this would help me "kick it" so to speak.
I knew there was alot of walking and believe me I did. I did make it to the baggage claim and we met the driver there and then of course there was even more walking to the parking garage out to his car. Lord, that was a killer but I did it!!! Some day I hope that I can walk any distance and not have these thoughts of, can I do it? THat is an ultimate goal for me, walking with no limitations and worries.
Nina and I had so much fun in the car gawking at everything out there. Our driver, Pekco was really nice and very informative about all the different things going on around Chicago and explaining where everything was. We stayed a block off of Michigan Ave in a Comfort Inn Suites and it was very nice. First thing we did was get in the room, and kick the A/C on. LOL Nina and I are both very hot natured and the cooler the better for both of us. WE would probably freeze out most people. LOL
WE had decided to check out all the things around us and ended up eating at a great place around the corner called WEber's Grill and it was awesome. The food was fantastic and the people there as well. We had more fun watching everyone and seeing all the variety of cultures all there together. Here we go with more walking and the restaurant was half a city block away and they literally took up a half block width as their restaurant area. They had the cutiest display outside on their patio with Weber Grills as flower pots all along the entire area. Very good place to eat and the people were awesome.
WE did some shopping and just enjoyed being out on a "girlfriend's trip" with no kids or anyone making demands on us. It was so relaxing to be away from it all and for me it was very emotional to see myself being able to do this. I have come so far and still have a long way to go, but to see myself physically being able to do things that I know there was no way I could do that before. TO walk with no worries, to fly on a plane again, to stand and visit with people, to spend time with my best friend, Nina on our 1st girl friend trip together. TOTALLY AMAZING!!!
By the end of the trip I could totally feel the effects of all that extra walking, my knees were hurting and I could FEEL IT. At the Midway airport I struggled with the walking and made it to the ticket counter to check in our baggage and after that I could not walk all that long distance to the gate, my right knee was throbbing and I could not do it. I was disappointed in myself for giving in, but I knew there was no way I could do it. I had to ask for assistance and use a wheelchair, dangit!
I am still very proud of what I was able to do and next time it will be even better. I will push myself even more. It showed me that I have it in me to go further and that yes, I was sweating like a stuck pig when I had to walk all that long distance to the baggage claim, but I did it and I was huffing and puffing all along the way and I still made it.
WE got back late into KCI and even had to walk some more once home and still I did it and I couldn't wait to see if I had lost anything on this trip.
Once home, I weighed myself the next morning and I had lost 8.2 lbs making it 297.8. I can't tell you how good it was to see that I had lost weight and that I accomplished alot over those two days. I am so proud of myself and know that I can do anything.
I need to say a special thanks to Nina for cheering me on and for being there on this trip with me, it was so much fun and I look forward to more of these girl friend trips.
DOn't give up on doing those things that you like, just push yourself to go for it. IT feels so good to achieve those and I get to mark some things off my list of things to do again or to get back into my life. IF I can do it you can too, have faith in yourself and believe that you can do it. That saying, if you put your mind to it, all things are possible. THAT IS SO TRUE!!!
Jun 20, 2008
Jun 18, 2008
Let me see, what all has been going on in my life for the past 4 months or so. Spring showed up and for me that meant being extremely busy at work and having no time to do anything. Seemed like everyone wanted their sprinkler systems turned on all at once. Things have finally started slowing down at work now thank goodness.
I celebrated my birthday in March,it was just another day like no other, except I turned a year older, 46 yrs old now. I do however, now that I am getting older, have a better appreciation for things such as time spent with those you love, the little things that we all take for granted, and each day that passes. I have found that my patience is not what it use to be and I think I need to work on that one. LOL
I made a trip home to SE Missouri over Memorial Day weekend to attend a school reunion and to visit my family. I had not been home for a year and my family and friends had not seen me since last MAY. Last year I had no choice and used my wheelchair to get around at this event. However, this year I was determined that I would not need that wheelchair and I didn't. I was able to walk into the building with my son and mother standing tall (well, I'm short , so there is no standing tall for me, barely even 5'4) HAVE ANOTHER STORY TO TELL ABOUT THAT ONE, WHICH I WILL BLOG ABOUT LATER. The looks on everyone's faces when I walked in was something I will never forget. Mind you, these are people that I have known all my life ( I come from a very small town in SE Missouri) everyone knows each other. THey all know my story and how I have struggled over the years with my weight and have followed my weight loss progress since my surgery. It was a feeling like no other to know that I had accomplished something else that I had planned to do. I was able to walk around the huge room, mingling with others, visiting and enjoying myself. It felt great to be able to feel normal being there.
I enjoyed my visit while home and was able to make the trip with no problems what so ever. I didnt have any problems getting in and out of my mother's home, which in the past has been an issue for me. I could not make it up the steps into her house, it was so difficult and I would literally have an anxiety attack over it. Once I got inside the house I would not want to leave there, it was to much to go in and out up and down the stairs. This year it didn't even faze me one bit and that was a big accomplishment as well.
I am continuing to lose weight and my body is changing with me becoming much more active. None of my clothes fit me any longer and I am literally down to hardly anything left to wear. When I was home my sister gave me some of her clothes. I have never been able to wear any of her clothes and it was amazing to even think that I could now. I brought home bag of clothes wear.
Life is so good these days and I am so thankful for the opportunities that have been given to be because of my lap band surgery. I get to share my story and progess with so many people and hopefully I am helping someone else with my story. If I can do this and go from weighing over 550 lbs to being 291 lbs now anyone can do this.
Feb 27, 2008
For the past couple of weeks I have been experiencing some changes within and feeling very different than I have ever felt in the past. Before my weight made me feel different in a very negative way. I felt ugly, gross, unhappy, desperate, afraid, out of control, failure and a freak within my own skin. People would make fun of me, stare, insult me, and made me feel like I didn't belong anywhere. I was discriminated against, treated as though I was invisible and disrepected from all types of people, not just children, but adults and even professionals. I can't even begin to count the number of tears I cried over the years because others thought they had a right to insult me, treat me different or try to hurt me. Let me tell you this too, no matter how long you have been struggling with your weight, whether it has been a few months to years, when someone hurts your feelings, makes fun of you, any of those negative things, it hurts just as bad as if it were the first times someone does or the 10,000th time.
Lately some of the same people that were hurtful to me before are now seeing me different and being nicer and want to know what I have been doing, curious how I have lost my weight and impressed with my success. But you know what, you never forget, even though you may forgive that person, you never forget their hurtful words, and listening to then rant and rave over me now hurts just as much. I am the same person INSIDE as I was when I was 538 lbs + . It is very difficult for me to take compliments and I am working on that. I wish people would STOP before they speak to think about if I say these words how will it affect this person. That saying, " If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all" is so very true. Once you speak the words, that's it, they are out there, you can't take them back.
With my weight loss my body is changing drastically and it is amazing how it is forcing me to LOOK at myself. Before I always thought of myself as being UGLY and GROSS and now I see something different. I am seeing the person that has been buried under all that FAT and EXTRA WEIGHT and she is slowly emerging. I feel so different now, I have hope now where as before I felt dumed. I have started to be more interested in being out with others and actually doing it, even going places alone. I feel pretty, more confident, sexy to some degree and happy. I just want others to see me as being THE SAME PERSON, just see past the outer shell and don't be so eager to judge by the way I look, but to see past that and see the PERSON, see ME.
The other thing that I have dealt with is the fact that I am continuing to lose weight and that I have not failed at this. Before I would start a diet or an attempt to get my weight under control and after a couple of months it would fall apart. This is the most I have ever lost ever in my life and it is a little overwhelming to think that I actually will make it and that my goal weight is achievable. Not sure if I can handle weighing 130 lbs, I do not ever remember weighing that. EVER! It is amazing how this tool is literally changing my life in more ways than one. THANK GOD for Dr Kaniewski is all I can say. You are the best! My weight loss journey is amazing and I feel wonderful, feel more more like a normal person.
People please be kind to others, remember it hurts to have your feelings hurt regardless of what size you are. Stop first and think before you speak. The next time you stare or gawk at someone, how about just looking at that person and wondering what it might be like in one regular day for that person. In other words, if I could walk in that person's shoes for the day, what would it be like? You would be surprised and I bet you will never insult another person ever again.
Feb 13, 2008
I know I am not the only one that is experiencing this problem with the "undies". They have all started to droop and sag in the seat, giving me that feeling of saggy butt. NOt only have they done that but any elastic that is left doesn't have any elasticity any longer. I get the riding up the butt cheek or the horrible feeling of them sliding down completely. I know I am not the only one that is going thru this so laugh with me, you know you have too. LOL
MY next problem is figuring out what size I wear now and not waste a fortune on underwear that doesn't fit. Let me tell ya, those big drawers cost a pretty penny too, none of this $1.99 a pair either.
NOt only are the undies giving me fits but my bras are too! Nothing is more miserable than to have a bra on that doesn't fit properly. Lately mine are riding up my back, straps sliding off the shoulders or my boobage is wanting to come flying out of the cups. I am wearing them on the last hooks and they still go for a ride up my back to my shoulders so I am constantly all day long playing tug a war with pulling my bra back down where it should be on me. I swear I think I am ready for a BRA BURNING !!!! I am tempted to go braless but that would land me in jail for obscenities... LOL
Is anyone else going thru this as well? I am miserable in my bra and panties lately!!!!
I was planning on going this weekend to look for some pretty shoes and maybe some bling, bling, but instead my bra and panties are gonna take priority. I have been looking at Catherines, and Lane Bryants and they have some very pretty sets that look nice and hopefully are suitable will do the job to support and hold it's shape. Anything is better than the drawers I have been trying to keep up on me lately and the dog gone bra that likes my shoulders better than my back. LOL Wish me well on my shopping, I do plan to come home with some new bras and panties!
Feb 12, 2008
I finally went shopping this weekend for some new clothes. I have been wearing the same ole glad rags and had started looking like a bag lady with nothing fitting me any longer. I really didn't have a clue as to what size I am wearing now. I kinda hated to buy anything since I am still losing and whatever I buy now will not fit me in say 6-9 months for sure.
My son and I were out shopping in JcPenney's and just happened to walk past the Women's Dept. Matt grabbed a top that was hanging there and said to me. Hey Mom! I think you could probably wear this, it looks like it would fit you. LO and behold, it did! I could not believe I was putting on a size 3x in the Women's Dept and it fit, not snug fit, it fit nicely. I was so excited I decided to look further and 45 minutes later I had a arm full of clothes. Oh yes, I was walking around the store not wheeling around in my wheelchair. OH YEAH! OH YEAH!! I ended up buying 10 different things and those clothes made me feel like a million bucks! THey actually fit me and are showing off my new curves underneath. I have worn something new everyday so far this week and they have definitely noticed at work. It is amazing what a few new duds will do for your self-esteem.
Now all I need are some new shoes and some bling to go with those clothes now. LOL I'll go this weekend and see what I can find. It will have to be pretty shoes too, no more of those "ugly shoes" that I always wore in the past. Heavens NO! I have even noticed that I am now more interested in the bling, bling... wanting to wear dangling earrings, and bigger not all the tiny stuff. This feels good and I am liking what I am doing for myself, before I would not and actually didn't care to do anything like this for me. This feels great!!!!!
I'll fill you in after I go shopping this weekend for the "pretty shoes" and tell ya what I ended up with. Is that saying "shop til you drop" still used these days?
Feb 03, 2008
In the Webster's Dictionalry the meaning of inspire is : to fill with an animating or exalting influence. to arouse or generate a feeling, thought, etc. to affect with a feeling, thought, etc.
People tell me that I am in inspiration to them and I am honored to think that I am helping someone else: REACH THEIR GOALS, STAY MOTIVATED, TO HAVE THE COURAGE TO ASK FOR HELP, TO NEVER GIVE UP, TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, AND TO KNOW THEY ARE NOT ALONE. I have never thought of myself as being that. I have just been myself and shared with others my story and how I am having to deal with my weight gain, weight loss, fears, concerns, goals, everyday struggles and how I am dealing with the changes.
My Mother has told me many times to always live you life as an example, you never know when someone is watching you and how you will affect someone else. I truely believe that comment. We all have a purpose in our life, some of us may never find out what it is and I have often wondered what mine was. Of course when I was younger I wanted to be an Interior Designer and well, that didn't happen. I do have a degree in Business but I ended up in the Insurance field for over 20 years and now doing something completely different, working as a Account Coordinator for a Lawn and Garden Company. WE never know where life is going to take us and what we may end up doing.
SInce having my surgery and being able to share with others, my story and how my Lap Band is changing my life and allowing me to regain my life back and look forward to having a normal life again. I want to share that with everyeone. I think that maybe this is my purpose, to give hope to others and to "INSPIRE" them to do something for themselves to improve their health. Maybe I am suppose to help educate others about obesity and hopefully change how people see obese individuals.
We are humans with hearts that can be broken, feelings that can be hurt just like anyone else. WE have dreams and hopes along with fears and concerns like everyone, but for some insane reason, people think they can insult us and make fun of us, discourage, ignore, discriminate and even hurt us. I do hope that I "INSPIRE" others to do better and I certainly hope that I have people watching me to see how I am doing with my weight loss. I also have many people in my life that inspire me and I watch them and see how they are doing, handling life and issues and I am so thankful for each and every one of them.
If I am and "INSPIRATION" to you then I am honored and I certainly hope that I am able to help you through this process and to continue to be there every step of the way. GOOD LUCK to those that have their eyes on me and THANK YOU to those that I am watching who INSPIRE ME.
Jan 30, 2008
Oh my goodness! WHy oh why did they have to build one right on my way to work? Holy Crap! I was doing fine until my son his g/f, started drinking them right in front of me one evening. I could just smell the chocolate from across the room. I actually sat there thinking that evening, I will just have to stop in the morning on my way to work and get my very own to drink. WHen I woke up the next morning that was all I could think about, gettting to Starbucks and even left home early so that I had plenty of time to make the stop. THis is insane, but I did it!
Once I had that first one, then it has led to others and had gotten to a point where I was stopping practically every other day during the week on my way to work to order a Frappuccino, Mocha Flavored with Carmel drizzled on top of the topping, and Grande size, not the smallest size but GRANDE size (which is medium). I have not looked up how many calories are in one of those, let alone the sugar. GEESH! At any rate, I got hooked quick and I know I am not suppose to have those and yet I kept stopping by there. It's all sugar and what does sugar do to ya? Makes you sluggish, crave more, and finds a place on my hips and butt, making them bigger. THat is nothing but LIQUID CALORIES which is a NO-NO!!! NO wonder I was starting to feel like crap, and not sleeping, craving food I had not even thought about and realizing too that I was not losing like I have been accustomed to doing in the past.
WELL, that was a wake up call for me... I have BAND myself from ALL STARBUCKS, Sonic, Cassey's, any other place that sells those drinks. I even told a friend that if I mention going to Starbucks, or one of those other places &/OR getting a Frappuccino, LAtte, or Cappuccino, that I owe him that amount of money for him to spend on whatever he wants. I want to lose weight and not get into those bad habits again where I let food control me. SEE, no matter what you have those slip ups that come up and BITE YOU on the BUTT. I can't let this take over my life, I like who I am now and what all I have accomplished with my weight loss and to let a drink that is not good for you ruin it for me is just not worth it. Instead of me eating something for breakfast, I was getting out the door early so I could stop to get one of those LIQUID CALORIE Drinks that I DEFINITELY do not need. It certainly doesn't take much to be drawn right back into those old habits. SO, Starbucks, sorry gotta let my son and his g/f make their butts bigger instead of mine. LOL