Bye-Bye Glad Rags, HELLO new smaller sizes! 07/18/07

Jul 18, 2007

OMG... Today has been a fantastic and amazing day for me!  As you know, when you are morbidly obese person it is extremely difficult to find clothing that fits you.  I have been fortunate enough to be blessed with the ability to sew. Even though I sew for myself, I still do not have that many outfits.  You wear the things that are the most comfortable and hence the comment the same ole glad rags are worn.   I have been wearing the same things for sometime.  My favorite demin skirt, a pink blouse, a lime green floral dress (yeah, lime green, not sure what I was thinking when I made that one, except it was bright and springy looking), and very few items purchased.  My clothing has been hanging off me and actually looking pretty bad for some time now.  My favorite demin skirt finally ripped open on the side where it was so thin, that I finally had to put it aside, saving it to show as one of my LARGE outfits. Before my surgery I had purchased a few things in smaller sizes for later when I had lost some weight and would need some new clothes, thinking  that time would be a year or so from my surgery.   

This morning like all other mornings, I had to pick out something and I decided to JUST SEE IF any of the new things might fit.   I pulled out a tan, kaki colored skirt and a white, button up top and thought, okay here we go.  I put the skirt on first and was amazed at how easy it went on and without any tugging or pulling it slipped right on over my hips and tummy and waaaaaaaaaaalaaaaaaaaaa  it fits with even some extra room.  I was elated!  I thought okay try the top now, so I put it on and oh my goodness it fit as well. NO BACK BOOBS!!! NO GAPPING between the buttons!!! I could not believe it, so I decided to look to see what size I have on and it's 3X. I have not worn a 3X in years and I have this outfit on and it looks good.   YES!!!!!!!!!

As  I looked at myself in the mirror I could definitely see the difference inmy body from previous.  I have some nice curves going on, got that hour glass look going.  VA VA VA VOOM!!!!  I stood there looking at myself and thought oh my god, this is working and look at me, I look good, damn good too!   It brought tears to my eyes and for once I thought I WAY TO GO KIM!!!   It made me feel so good to see myself standing in the mirror with new clothes on and smaller sizes at that and I look good. 

This is simply amazing and for all of us out there that have ever tried on something you really liked and wanted it to fit so bad and to have it not button or zip or even to get it over those hips, tummy or even across your shoulders.  LOL   To have something that you knew was to small before and to be able to slip it on with ease, it is  so, so nice and gratifying.

When my son, Matt saw me the look on his face, told me he noticed and he immediately said, "WOW mom! look at you!   Huh, Mom, you got some serious curves going on there.. That's a new outfit isn't it?"   I smiled and said yes, what do you think?  He replied, Mom, you look very nice and you can definitely tell you have lost some serious weight. That outfit fits your body and is not hanging off of you like everything else you have been wearing.  He hugged me and told me he was very proud of me.   THis is my 18 yr old son mine you.  In the past I would ask him, Can you tell I have lost anything?  He would reply, I guess, Mom, I see you all the time, you look the same to me.  Well, that is not what a chick who has had Lap Band Surgery wants to hear at all... heck no!  LOL  

Today I have been on cloud nine all day and have seen several people today while out and they noticed right off that I have dropped quiet a bit of weight. I feel fantastic and so proud of myself too, I am succeeding and beating this horrible obesity illness finally.  I can see a twinkle of a light at the end of that tunnel now.. and hell or high water I am going towards that light and will reach the end of the tunnel soon. 

  THis feels amazing and I know some will say, chickiepoo. you still have a long way to go, so don't get so excited just yet, you are still a big gal and all.  WEll, yes I am, and I know that I have alot more weight to lose still, but to have come from weighing 538 lbs to now weighing 358 lbs and to feel like I do and to be experiencing the things I am now, who cares!  I love it and it has given me even more incentive to plug ahead and work on my next set of goals:  lose 25lbs this next month, to reach 299 lbs by Sept 30 and to increase my exercising and to tone and strengthen my body. TO be able to walk and not be concerned about needing to have a chair to sit down on to rest.  

SO today my old glad rags have been put in the back of the closet and the new stuff has been moved forward and the new me is enjoying this event in my weight loss journey. Goodbye OLD GLAD RAGS... HELLO NEW SMALLER STUFF!!!    (will have a picture soon to show you)

KIM 


I'm back to being a LOSER.... 07/11/07

Jul 13, 2007

Yes, I am a big loser of 29 lbs this past month!!  YEAH!! 

I just had my monthly checkup  and I lost a whomping 29 lb for June compared to a gain of 3 lbs for May.   I could not believe it when I got off the scale.  I knew i had done well for the month, but wasn't expecting those numbers at all and I started crying. I could not believe I had done so well. 

 After gaining the month before I knew I had to change what I had been doing which was making poor food choices and not eating the Protein that I am required to eat like I should.   I also increased my exercise and got more active which has enhanced the weight loss. I have more energy and feel fantastic.   I looked at that scale and saw the 358.1 lbs  and I thought no way, there is no way I lost that much and sure enough.  I am so happy about those numbers.   I have not been this weight in YEARS.. and it is sorta overwhelming. 

I look at my self in the mirror and I see the changes in my body, granted the initial look is OH NO.. yikes!  BUT as I look closer I can see that there are changes and I have shrunk all over and it is showing on my body.   I am definitely moving around  better and more mobile than I ever was previously.   Some of the things I use to wear are hanging off of me now and I am able to wear old things that I had tucked away in the back of the closet.  I know I am looking different because people are making comments about my weight loss and I feel it and see it as well.   FOr the first time in a very long time, I am feeling like a success!   I feel good about ME and what I am doing to change my life forever.  

DO not let yourself be fooled, there are alot of changes that take place with this surgery and it is not all food related or physical.  THere are emotional and mental things that are changing as well.   Acceptance of yourself and learning to love ME is one that has been very difficult in the years prior.  We are our worse enemies when it comes to criticism about ourselves and we beat ourselves up horribly with self abuse.  I have done it for years, making jokes about myself, cutting myself down and trying to make those nasty comments first before  someone else beats me to it. 

It is a slow process of self love and acceptance of ME.  I like all the others around me got use to that Severely morbidly obese KIM... and we all got comfortable with that.  WEll, that person is slowing being removed from existance and a new person is underneath there, just waiting to come forth.  That is hard for some to accept and there has and will be resistance.  Even though it is happening I have to remember this is my life and moving forward is vital and that in the long run, however emotional it is I have to keep moving forward and hopefully those that are having a hard time with this new ME will eventually see that I am still the same person, only looking different. 

  THe emotional aspects are constant especially for me.  With all the changes, the food, different lifestyle, increased activity, body changes, numbers on the scale, things given up are back again, people in your life, and the overall whole process is overwhelming at times and I catch myself thinking  was it all worth it?  YES! Every tear I have cried over the years because of hurtful comments, or not being able to do something any longer, the rejection from others, the discrimination, the ugliness of obesity, the depression, the fears, and the control it had over my life...were worth it, because now I have the opportunity with the tool I have been given to CHANGE my life forever and be and do whatever I want to.   THis  surgery has saved my life and has been the best thing I could have ever done for myself, and if I lose friends or family members over this because they can't accept the changes that are taking place, then so be it.  This is my life and I have to live my life for me and do what is best for me.       I am on my way to reaching my goals... and being a healthy fit woman finally.    Kim

Having a sad day, remembering someone special.. 06/27/07

Jun 27, 2007

June 26, was a sad day around our house for me and my son, and I am sure for other family members as well.  5 years ago yesterday my ex-husband, Randy was killed while working along I-435 North.  That day will forever stay in my mind and heart forever, because it changed our lives drastically.  His death left our son, Matt age 12 yrs old at the time without his father, and at a very important time in his life, when he really needed that father figure there to help him with the changes he would be going thru from a child to a teenager.   Ran and I had a good relationship even though we were divorced, we talked and discussed our childs needs, plans, and future together.  THat day I lost a very important part of me and it has never been the same since.  I was completely lost as to what I would do concerning Matt without him being here to help me with decisions concerning our son.  

Ran's death not only hurt my son, but me as well.  I became depressed and sad and over the last 5 yrs alot has happened and most of it has contributed to me gaining ALOT OF weight.  I look back 5 yrs ago where I was weightwise and I probably weighed about 380 lbs but was able to get around and function. I carried myself very well, even though Iwas a  big gal.  I was a big gal that could move, might waddle a little, but I was moving.

  I remember talking with Ran about having surgery and what his thoughts were on it and he felt that if I needed it that he would  support me in whatever my decision was.   He had over the years since we had started dating back in 1980 seen me go from 160lbs to 380 lbs and knew what difficulties I had to deal with.  He had seen me try anything and everything trying to lose my weight over the years.    I think about what he would say now and what his comments would have been when I hit the 538lb point, my heaviest weight  ever.  I am sure he would have said, Kim this is getting serious and I will help you, I will be there for you as always.  I know he would be proud of me and would be encouraging me every step of the way. 

I look at our son, Matt and see this handsome young man standing before me, who looks like his daddy in so many ways, but yet has a little bit of me mixed in there as well.  He is so much like his dad in his mannerisms, his humor, his quick wit, his personality, his kindness and I Thank GOD that I was blessed with this baby 18 1/2 yrs ago.   It has been a challenge to wear my hat as mom, but to try to fill Randy's shoes as a dad too.   I was blessed to have lots of family and friends to help me with Matt in our loss, and he is who is today because of everyone that helped us. 

  Matt just graduated High School last month and it was hard to enjoy that event, since Ran wasn't there to be a part of it. I know he would be very proud of Matthew and would have called out " That's my son, way to go Scooter" at the ceremony.   Matt misses his dad very much and as he is getting older and experiencing things in his life he longs to be able to share those with his dad. Someone asked him what he wanted most in life right now and his comment was...  10 minutes with my dad.   I know Ran is watching down from heaven and can see what a beautiful young man we created.    SO as I look back on the fond memories of Ran today and think about how June 26 changed our lives, I have to remember that we all must move forward and carry on, Ran would want us to and he knows that Matt is doing well and always will.  He would be proud of us both in what we have complished.    In loving memory of Randy Sudduth.  June 26, 2002

KIM


1st Time to ever gain....since my surgery!!! 06/07/07

Jun 07, 2007

Yes!  I gained this past month, 3 lbs!  Some might say what the heck, it's only 3 lbs no big deal.  Yes it is a big deal.  It means that I was not doing what I was suppose to. I was not following the rules!   SO, even with a Lap Band Surgery you can cheat the system, which is defeating the purpose of having the surgery.  I have had a very crazy, stressful month wih my son's Graduation and all the commotion with that, which is still no excuse.  A gain is a gain and if not addressed properly and recognize what I have done to gain those 3 lbs, then it will start a habit that will continue and destroy what I have already accomplished.

As an obese person I have over the years of adding to my demise and racking up the pounds on my body, have developed alot of bad habits,  which are very difficult to let go of. I have gotten comfortable with some of them.. such as enjoying ice cream with choc, or vanilla milk shakes, which by the way, are considered high caloried liquids.   I, being a serious chocolate lover and do enjoy my chocolate have indulged in chocolate covered peanuts... and that is a no-no as well.   Also eating soft foods that are easily swallowed and not chewed is a no-no.  PROTEIN is what I need and should be eating PERIOD, and I have slacked off and without even realizing what I was doing, have slipped right back into old habits that will destroy my success if I let it. 

SOOOOOOOOOOO.. take heed, and pay attention, just because I have had surgery does not mean that I   have an easy road  or have it made on reaching my goal.  This surgery is a tool that I must use in order to achieve my goals, in the meantime I must address my bad habits that made me fat/obese to begin with and make lifestyle changes.   This has been a huge eye opener for me.   

It has been awhile since my last fill and today I had one and  I will be eliminating things from my eating habits that could ruin all of this for me.  I have come to far and want this to bad to screw it up.   We all make poor choices on food selections and develope habits that are both good and bad for us.   I had a feeling that this past month was not as good as what it could have been.  I know what I have eaten and whatever you put into your mouth, it all goes somewhere and it has calories and they  will make a difference.  I knew I had made some poor choices and yet I thought I would be okay.. well the scale does not lie.  I am not perfect and nor do I want to be and we all make mistakes.  I made the mistake and by addressing it now I will be able to move forward and continue to lose and not gain.   The rules are there for a reason and they mean what they say, when they state, if you break the rules there will be consquences, you will gain.   LESSON LEARNED FOR ME.... you don't have to repeat that twice.  

KIM


Made It through my son's Graduation and Party 05/19/07

May 31, 2007

I have been looking forward to this day since I gave birth to my son, Matt 18 yrs ago.  THis is a big step in his life now and we are here finally.  The only difference, 18 yrs ago his father and I were making our future predictions about our new bundle of joy and what we want for our new baby.  Today, it is only Matt and I, his father has been deceased since June of 2002 due to a work related accident and he and I stood there talking about his future plans now to attend college.  I know Randy was there with us today and is looking down and saying " That's my boy" and is very proud of Matt. 

I would have never dreamed 18 yrs ago I would have the weight issues I have today and that one of my dreams or goals for myself was to be able to walk to his Graduation.  Unfortunately  I had to use my wheelchair, due to the way the school had the ceremony set up.  I could not have walked the distance that I had to go, so I reluctantly used my wheelchair to be able to get into the stadium seats.  I know I wasn't able to meet that goal but that is okay, there will be other occasions where I can apply it.  I have come a long way since my surgery in Sept 2006 and I look back and think  "WOW"  I have been able to accomplish alot of things that I would not have been able to do if I had not had my surgery.   

The main thing is that my son, Matt can go off to college and know that I can tend to my own needs,  take care of myself,  and be okay and not worry about me ( well he wil anyway, but not like he would have before).   He can see that I am able to get around without all the assistance I had to use before.  I am standing  and walking on my own for longer periods of time.  I am driving myself to and from places and going alone in fact.  He can see that I am shrinking and dropping those pounds off my body.  He actually thinks I am getting shorter.. OH NO.. can't have that, I am short enough as it is... only 5'4.  He also can see that I am happier and positive about life now.  

WE had lots of family and friends here this weekend to help us celebrate our big day and I was able to plan the Graduation acitivies and Party afterwards all by myself.  WE had lots of food and normally at a party I would be nibbling on everything,  NOt this time, it was different, I had a small serving of smoked brisket and that was very satisfying.  Before I would have set there eating chips and dip during the entire thing and drinking a pop or two.  It is amazing how you change your attitude on food, I now look forward to savoring  the taste of the food instead of what all was being served.  The party was a big success and I am glad it is over.   My son is officially a High School Graduate and College Bound.   THe only thing I had to deal with was my mother was concerned I was not eating enough.. LOL  believe me,  I was full with the amount I ate.   

I made it through this big event and the reality of it has not yet sunk in yet and I am sure when it does, I will have that good ole cry.   TIme is moving forward regarding these things in our lives as well as moving forward in our weight loss journeys.  Each day I make it through makes it a closer step to my goal.  I will be there someday and will be celebrating that day as well.     I made it thru this important time in our lives and it was a good day.  KIM


Climbing small mountains..like getting into a pickup truck - LO

May 08, 2007

OMG.... who would have ever thought that to get into a pickup truck would be like climbing a mountain...  Let me tell ya, it is and I did it..!!!!

I know some people would read this and think what the heck is this silly lady talking about?  NO big deal, just get in the dang truck... well easier said than done.  LOL  First off, being short 5'4 includes short legs, and then being overweight and the majority of your weight is in your stomach area you don't have much leverage of hopping into or the strength to pull yourself up into and your certainly can't just get that hip up there and slide on in.  It is not gonna happen.... 

   You ask why were you trying to do this anyway????  Well, I was going on a date... YES, I said a Date with a Man and I was determined to get in his truck.  WEll, this was our second date actually, the first one I tried to get in his truck and couldn't do it.. so we took my car instead, letting him drive.   I  figured okay, now this is the second date and I need to be able to get in his truck.  LOL   His truck didn't have those running boards to use to step up on,( I wouldn't use that anyway, because I would be afraid I would bend it due to my weight or it would break). It did have one of those hand grips on the door jam to grab onto.   I stood there staring at this seat and how HIGH it was and thought how am I gonna do this.  The floor board is about level with my hip.. and the seat about to my chest.. (not kidding either)  LOL  Patrick, my date was a true gentleman and said we can take your car if you would feel more comfortable.  I replied NO, I will do this with some assistance, so I asked my 18 yr old son to help me.   

  At first I thought, on my goodness, wonder what the neighbors are thinking... seeing me out there in my driveway trying to figure out how to get into this very tall truck.  I bet they are peeking out their windows laughing at me for sure.   I let those thoughts disappear and concentrated on the task at hand.   I asked my son to grab a concrete cinder block that was there by the garage and I planned to step up onto that to give me some additional height.   I stepped onto that block, turned around very carefully and slide my hip onto the seat and then used my foot on the floor board to push myself inside.  I did it !! I got in that truck and was so proud of that  and Patrick was tickled.  WE were going to the Drive -In Movies (which is another treat- hadn't been in years) so I knew I didn't have to get out again until I got home. 

It felt so good to be able to accomplish something that any other time I would not have tried.  Patrick was very understanding and smiled like a big dog when I got situated inside the truck.   I know some would not think of this as a big deal but it is.   THere are so many things that you can't do and requires some assistance to do them.  I am grateful that my teenage son, who understands what I have gone thru over the years and has seen how I have suffered is willing to continue to help me and see that slowly I am gaining back some of my independence and confidence and in time I will not need his hand to hold me steady.  It was scarey enough just thinking about being out on a date and being a big gal.  I had a great time at the Drive -In and thank goodness I didn't need to go to the restroom... oh no that would have been another mountain to climb LOL and I was able to SLIDE out of the truck with ease and not have any problems..hangin on for dear life to the seat belt strap and the hand grip just in case...  If only I had 2-3 inches more to my legs it would certainly help.  LOL   

I guess what I would like to say to others... I am still a big gal and if I can do these things that I know I look hideous and cause a few good laughs that you can do it too.  I don't care, my life is just that my life and I have just as much right to do those things just like anyone else.  I may not do them as gracefully as others and I may need assistance, but  by crappy I am doing it.  I felt like a million bucks that night, after I was able to get in that truck.. Patrick kept grinning at me and then said you are tough one.. and I like that....        

WE can do anything we put our minds to and I need to stop worrying about what others might be thinking of me or if someone seeing me is laughing at me... LET'em... they are the shallow ones and shame on them for judging me.   I know it is hard to move forward, believe me I am dealing with that myself, but who wants to stay in that ugly rut that we create for ourselves with being obese.    SO GALS.... GO FOR IT... climb your own mountains and Just Do IT!     Oh by the way, I have lost another 10 lbs for the month of April. 

KIM

Things I would like to be able to do: 04/22/07

Apr 22, 2007

Some of these things people take for granted everyday, but for someone that is morbidly obese like myself  they can be completely out of reach:

1.  Walk without waddling.  DONE, 02/2008
2.  Wash dishes or cook standing up. Done Oct 2007
3.  Stand for over 15 minutes at a time.  DONE
4.  Walk without getting winded.  DONE
5.  Use a regular bathroom-not the handicap one.  DONE
6.  SHop at regular stores for clothing like Target or WalMart, not the speciality shops.  DONE, BOUGHT SOMET THINGS FROM JCPENNY 02/08
7.  Take a shower standing up.  DONE 05/25/07
8.  Get out of the house and not be ashamed to be seen.  DONE
9.  Get out of the house period.  DONE- doing this regularly now.
10.  Sit in a regular chair without fear of it breaking.DONE
11.  Clean my house myself.Done Oct 2007
12.  Sweep, mop and vacuum my floors myself.DONE Oct 2007
13.  Make my bed by myself.  DONE 03/2007
14.  Walk to the end of my driveway and back. Done
15.  Walk at my son's graduation.  DONE 05/19/07
16.  Go the to the movie theater.
17.  Go to  a concert.
18.  Take a walk thru the park.DONE 08/25/07
19.  Walk on the beach.
20.  Go swimming in public.
21.  First of all. put on a bathing suit to be seen in public.
22.  Go to the mall and walk around.
23.  Go shopping with my friends.
24.  Go garage selling  all day.
25.  Get rid of my wheelchair. Trying to find someone that need it!!!
26.  Plant my own flowers in my yard.
27.  Be under 500 lbs.  DONE- 
28.  Be under 400 lbs.  DONE-
29.  Be under 300 lbs. DONE
30.  Be under 200 lbs.
31.  Tie my own shoes.  DONE 02/2008
32.  Be able to put my own socks and shoes on. DONE Oct 2007
33.  Be able to run if I needed to.
34.  Excerise. Doing it now..
35.  Dance without it hurting.
36.  To just go out the door without thinking and planning ahead   about where I am going.   DONE  03/25/07
37.  Wear sexy underwear.
38.  Wear regular shoes, sandals or heels.  DONE 6/2007
39.  Wear pants or shorts again.
40.  Wear a dress above the knees.
41.  Fly on a Plane and not need the seat belt extension
42.  Get a pedicure again
43.  Be social again.  DONE
44.  Eliminate the seat belt extension in my car. DONE  01/01/07
45.  Not be afraid to go places alone. DONE 02/07/07
46.  Walk up and down stairs with no problems.
47.  TO feel sexy and pretty. 
48.  To consider dating again.  DONE 04/2007
49.  LIke having my pictures taken. DONE 04/2007
50.  Be able to take care of myself.
51.  Feel confident. DONE
52.  Not rely on others to do things for me.  DONE
53.  MOw my own yard.
54.  Do my own shopping. DONE
55.  Be able to carry anything, heavier than my purse.  DONE
56.  Wear blue jeans again.  ** DONE NOV 3, 2007
57.  Wear something sleeveless.  DONE 05/2007
58.  Go to a Royals Game.
59.  Go to a Chiefs Game.
60.  Walk into my Surgeon's office.  DONE  04/05/07
61.  Go back to work outside of my home. DONE 08/22/07
62.  Be able to get inside my son's 4x4 pickup truck.
63.  Walk for more than 5 ft, without having to sit down to rest. DONE 04/05/07
64.   Get rid of my high blood pressure medication.
65.   GOt inside a pickup truck and went on a date  DONE 05/05/07
66.   Went on a Date with a MAN.  DONE
67.   Went to the drive in Movies and was able to sit there thru the 
        entire movie.  DONE  04/28/07
68.   Make the trip back home to SE Missouri without any problems.  DONE  05/22/07
69.   ABle to get inside my mother's house, climbing her stairs that do not have hand rails.  DONE  05/23/07
70.  Go to my class reunion for my High School (27 yrs) without being ashamed of being seen.  DONE  05/26/07
71.  Drove back to Kansas from SE Missouri by myself without any problems.  7 hr trip  DONE  05/30/07
72.  Pumped gas in my car all by myself and then walked into the facility to go to the public restroom.  
DONE 05/30/07
73.  Walk without using my wheelchair in public-  DONE 07/28/07 walked at the Farmers Market, shopping with my son.  
74. Going on Interviews, trying to get a job outside of my home.  DONE
07/16/07
75.  Wearing smaller clothes that I had purchased prior to my surgery-clothing that fits me, currently wearing size 3X.  DONE  07/2007
76.  Wore a pair of shorts and a Tank Top outside on my deck to get some sun.  DONE 06/2007
77. Walked from Nina's driveway around thru the yard to her backyard, climbed up three steps onto her deck and then into the house.  DONE 08/25/07
78.  Walked from the Car in the parking lot at the Kill Creek Park to the Pavilion across the lawn and down hill for a birthday party for Samantha.  I then had to walk back uphill to the car.  I DID IT without any assistance from anyone.  DONE 08/25/07


The Wow's and OMG's.... 04/22/07

Apr 22, 2007

I had a fellow Gastric By-Pass patient tell me back in Oct that I would be receiving soon alot of WOW's and OMG's and that I should smile and take the compliments even if I didn't see it myself. that eventually I WOULD.  That day has happened and it is overwhelming.  All these years I have been a yo-yo dieter and unsuccessful at ever reaching my goal weight and giving up on  ever being my ideal weight.  That is starting to change, I am continuously losing weight and shrinking, making it possible for MY EYES to literally see that I am smaller, I am being successful at  losing weight and getting closer to my ideal weight. 

I for the first time ever, have had an onslot of WOW!  LOOK AT YOU.... and OMG's...  that I do not know how to handle it. At first, I thought they all were just being nice and saying that to make me feel better, which I knew deep inside was not the case, but when you are obese, better yet morbidly obese, you don't get many compliments coming your way very often.  I do not take compliments very well, and to hear them directed to me is hard to accept.  I know the scale is indicating the numbers but to feel it on my body that I am smaller is another thing.  It is an awesome feeling to know I am getting there one day at at time.  

Just the other day I was able to wear a dress that I have not been able to even think about wearing, due to it being grossly tight on me.  I slipped that dress on with ease and it hung down over my body and showed no sign of being tight anywhere.  It is just an old demin dress that I have hung onto for who knows why, other than it is already broken it and was at one time very comfortable.  It may not look pretty and has worn out demin in places but it was the beautiful to me, I could wear it again.  That day I had 3 different people said something to me about how much weight I had lost, that I looked great!  They couldn't believe how different I was looking and how happy I was.   Here I am in this ratty, old demin dress that should have been pitched years ago, and I am being told I look great!.   I look great..... ME....  wow!  

I am starting to run into people I have not seen in a long time.  I had become so reclusive that I had detached myself from others, so people I knew had not seen me in awhile.  I am getting out more often now since I am feeling better and losing weight.  I am out there being seen and people are taking notice.  They walk up to me and hug me and say OH MY GOD, look at you, Kim... I can't believe it! I had heard you had your surgery and WOW.... look at you!  HOw much weight have you lost?  It is really  embarrassing  to me since I am not use to this type of response from others.  Over the years it's been negative comments not positive, and all I know to do is smile and say thank you. 

  It is a feeling I can't really describe accurately, because it is so overwhelming to feel so good  finally about myself.  What is bizzarre is I am not any where near my goal weight, I have over 200 lbs yet to lose and people are reacting to me like this now, lord only knows what will happen when I lose another 100 lbs..  I can't wait to get there.. THANKS to all of you who are making my day, making me feel like a million bucks, for  giving me my WOW's and OMG's.  THanks from the bottom of my heart.   KIM 


NO Wheelchair today!

Apr 05, 2007

04/05/07-  6 months and 10 days after surgery

Oh my goodness!  Today I walked into Dr K's office for my monthly check up.  I WALKED!!  I normally have someone go with me and I usually have to rely on my wheelchair to get around due to not being able to walk any distance or to stand any length of time.  I went to my appt alone and I WALKED into the office and did not use my wheelchair!   THis is a huge accomplishment for me.   I did it without any problems.  I did pray and ask GOD to help me and to hold my hand.  It was as though I had never had any problems before with walking.  It was weird to see things from that height outside of my home and other places I am familiar with.  I felt 10 ft tall ( of course I am only 5'4 and no where near 10 ft) LOL 

  I also lost 22 lbs and I am blown away at the numbers.  I am shrinking and for the first time in who knows when I feel good about myself and I am starting to like myself.  I look at some of those recent pics that I just posted that my sister took this week and I actually like what I am seeing for the first time in a very long time.  I do not see a freak, a loser or this ugly fat gal.  I see ME (KIM)... someone who is moving forward, something positive,  I see happiness, hope, and success.   

THis surgery is the best thing I could have ever done for myself.  I look at what I am able to do now, and I am no where near my goal weight, I still have over 200 lbs to lose and I will do it.  The tiny bit of freedom and self confidence I have at this point is huge and enough to keep me moving forward and to think ahead at what I have to look forward to next year.  I can only imagine what I will be capable of doing this time next year.  I look forward to that day and nothing will keep me from getting there.   They want me to walk and not use my wheelchair,, no problem, done, get more exercise, done.  WHat ever it takes to get there. I will NEVER go back to what I was before. 

   I hope my experience can help someone who is considering the surgery and just not sure.  Yes you can!  Invest in your health, otherwise you know you will do like I did, gain more weight, become more miserable, depressed and immobile, relying on others for the everything.  Take the steps and go visit a seminar and ask questions,  and never give up even if your insurance denys you..  Obesity is an illness and the sooner people accept that and acknowledge it, the sooner others can get the help they need.    Regardless of what size you are and how padded you might be, we all have a beating heart, we all have feeling that can be hurt and deserve to be respected as an individual.   BE kind to people regardless of their size, show some empathy toward others.   

Kim


5 months ago my life changed forever..

Feb 27, 2007

02/26/07- 5months ago today I had my Lap Band Surgery... and have lost 106.2 lbs!!!  I feel fantastic and I am able to do things now that I have not been able to do for some time.  My mobility has improved tremdenously.  I am now leaving my house by myself and going places alone.  THAT IS CALLED GETTING MY FREEDOM BACK!!!!   It has been a huge deal for me to be able to do for myself again, maybe not totally everything, but some of that small stuff sure does mean alot to someone that has had to have help with everything.   I feel different and I know I look it as well.  At first when people would say ... Look at you, oh my goodness, how much have you lost? I would just smile and think they are just being nice, they can't possibly tell I have lost anything, but they could.. I am just now starting to SEE for MYSELF that I am litereally shrinking all over and yes I am losing weight and getting smaller.. I AM DOING THIS.. I am finally being successful at losing weight and enjoying it!!!  I only wish I could have done this yrs ago, but that's okay, I am now.  YOU definitely have to follow the rules, and when they tell you to SLOW down and chew your food, they are not kidding.  It hurts like the dickens when you do not chew up your food and it has to work it's way thru that opening.. OUCH.. and the Nausea.. that you feel in the process.. not good.  I am so happy now and I know that I will continue to do well and will continue to shrink away to a better me..   KIM


About Me
Location
Surgery
09/26/2006
Surgery Date
Oct 07, 2006
Member Since

Before & After
rollover to see after photo

Friends 62

Latest Blog 40
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IT IS PAST TIME FOR SOME NEW DRAWERS!!! 02/13/08
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