bmchernandez

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I haven't been on here in forever! Still back and forth between 175-185 lbs. sometimes I get a little bummed out and feel like a failure but then I remind myself of all the success I have had over the years too. Today is the first time I made some comparison collages and all I have to say is wow..I have traveled along ways! Why be bummed about some saggy ass arms? I can breathe and run!..arms flapping in the wind but no longer sitting on the side lines..I am living life!

I woke up this morning and weighed. 172lbs. My ultimate goal is 150...22lbs away. I would love to walk into my class reunion at my goal weight. Something to look forward to. I grew up heavy and haven't seen some of these people in years. I hope to walk in and knock some of them on their asses. Especially the ones that maybe weren't the nicest. With that being said the one that was the one always making remarks ...is now in prison so he won't be attending (hoping he comes to where I work instead to laugh at his pathetic ass there!!! haha) 2 months...hope this time really does get me going. I am tired of it just being a thought..I need to get with it and make it a reality instead. Hope everyone else is doing alright! Keep on keeping on everyone!!!

Have been planning a trip to the west coast. I am sitting at 186lbs now and not happy with myself. When I wake up I am going to start working on my goal. You would think I'd  have weight loss figured out by now but sadly I don't..... I think main thing is..vitamins...water and walking. Yo Yo...up down..Augh!!!!!!!!! I have had it! Funny that at 317lbs I thought 186?? haha no way and now that I am there I am mad at myself still and feeling like a fatass. Going to wake up and get with it...for now going to bed with a dream already in place. Good night :) wish me luck!

up and down...like a rollercoaster...except anymore this ride sucks and i want to get off! i am sitting at 180 right now...all the jeans i bought 15lbs earlier.... tight! I am working 2 jobs and grabbing pure crap to eat while i am on the run. still single...even though i have been out with an unimaginable amount of losers..lol and just depressed. i lost my insurance and i always seem to be broke. i need to get back with it before i gain it all back. never thought i'd get tired of people saying "you look so good." but i have...the other day a lady i have known forever said "wow, you look incredible" i just blankly said yeah...then thought about it later....how rude! i wasn't really absorbing what she had said or how i responded until it was too late to say thank you.... i find myself looking in the mirror too much and worrying about what i am eating or my lack of excercise too often. i can't stand myself lately. i feel so sad and lonely in a body of disgust....and all i want to do is consume just 1 more cookie. what is wrong with me? they fixed my stomach but it definately didn't fix my brain :(

i got down to 155lbs. now i am sitting at 169lbs. Summer is almost here and the image that use to be in my head of me looking like angelina jolie when i became smaller is way out of reach. I have completely lost my boobs and naked i look like an 80 year old woman...wait i take that back...while working in a nursing home doing clinicals i envied some of those women and their bodies. I am 27 and miserable. I am single and lost. I am scared to go on dates cuz they want to touch me and somehow think they are just going to get into my pants...i miss sex...haha but i don't even like getting naked anymore for me! I feel pretty confident with clothes on besides the fact of wearing an occasional gurdle to tuck in my extra skin. I can't even find a bra that will make my boobs look good....hell victoria secret can't even make a wonder bra that doesn't make me wonder how much is a boob job? i still won't wear shorts and with my arm flaps i am destined to lie again this summer when someone asks me in my long sleeve shirt...god aren't you hot? Swimming is a thing most men i have met lately say they like to do and i quickly wilt...float trip?? omg I might look a little weird in a long sleeve shirt and jeans...lol. I am broke and can't afford any plastic surgery. I am a single mom and going nuts. To top all of it off I had to ask my mother to move in with me to help me out with my babies while I work my ass off all the time. Time to date? Time to work out? Time to eat right? 24 hours in a day is not enough time. I work overnights, I change my clothes 10 times before i find the right outfit, i go out with all the wrong guys that never call me back and I wonder what is wrong with me. I think about how I have 34 more lbs to go til goal and then think about how if I could grab a knife and slice off all this off I might just be at goal. I am trying to stay postive but damn it this today is honestly how I feel. At least when I was fat I fit into my body...guys knew what was underneath my clothes and i somewhat had boobs. I had girlfriends because I wasn't a threat and I knew the guys liked me for my personality not the way I looked in a pair of tight ass jeans.

I am weighing in at 172! I think I have changed my own personal goal to 135...I thought 150 would be fine and it is but for my BMI I am suppose to be at 135 or so and now that i am so close whyyyyy Not?? So 37lbs. more to go...it may take awhile but I am GONNA DO IT!! :)

I  quit weighing...lol. I was tired of it saying the same thing. 186...187...186...lol But yesterday I decided it was time to get on it one more time only difference was I was ready to see 186 again and this time not be disappointed but instead the scale said 177lbs. It has been about 9 months and 2 weeks and I have lost 142lbs. I have lost 28.5 bags of sugar, my 3 year old almost 4 times, my 9 year old twice, a new born baby elephant, or a light weight wrestler...lol. that's crazy!!

Well now comes a huge stall. I think I have lost a pound this month. I have started to pick on sweets and I think I have started eating a little bit more and drinking diet pop again. Plus helping out at the mexican restaraunt hasn't been to much of my benefit. I went back to my ex boyfriend about a month ago...I know I may sound silly but I missed my best friend! This time around things have been going much better. I feel like a team and family instead of riding solo. I graduated as an LPN and went and passed my big state board test! So now I am officially an LPN//be scared..lol (kidding!) Today I am going to stop being a picker...no more "just one bite", I am going to go to the gym, and quit drinking pop. I am going to choose healthier food choices and eat the portions I should be eating by measuring them out instead of guessing. 36 more pounds to go until i am at 150! Come on baby~You got this!

it has been a little bit since i have wrote anything on here. i broke up with my boyfriend and thought the world was going to end but it has been almost 3 months now and i am on to much better things. i have found a country boy and i couldn't have asked for more. school is driving me crazy and so stressful! i have about three weeks left and am close to not passing my class and the teacher i have singles people out every year or so i have heard and tries her damnest to fail you somehow. i am pretty sure she has picked me out. these last 3 weeks have been hell. wish me luck! i am going to try my hardest to prove to her I CAN do this and that she can kiss my butt :)~ I went shopping for a pair of jeans yesterday and bought a size 14. that is half the size i was when i started out! i started out in a  size 28. There and good and bad things about this surgery. All kinds of foods still seem to make me sick and i find myself somedays eating nothing without even realizing it until i lay down to go to sleep. i almost would rather be a little hungry than feel like crap. My hair is still falling out and i am going to have to start saving my money up for a full body lift. my arms, tummy and legs are starting to look like i am in my 80's when i am only in my 20's. my boobs was small enough to start out with but they was one of the first things to go too! I am under 200 now (197) and that is a major thing for me. i remember being in second grade and weighing more than i do now. it has also happened so fast! sometimes i have to look in the mirror several times before i tell myself this is real. i am getting sick of tea and am mourning the fact still that i cannot have an ice cream cone this summer without paying for it (getting a tummy ache and major poops!) i tried it once! lol. guys are starting to notice me more...my friends even joke with me when we go out and eat on lunch break from school and say damn we can't take you anywhere anymore..lol. i have had several girls that were jealous though say som pretty mean things to me and today when i went out to lunch with my friends a heavier set girl kept giving me the evil eye as she was having lunch. i wanted to look at her and tell her my story then i realized i probally use to have the same look on my face several times...and i am starting to see what it is like from the other girls view now. so anyways i am happy but at the same time not so much. i like losing the weight and i feel great but at the same time i want to fit into my body. well guess this is enough for now. hope everyone else is doing great :)

was just reading in my medical text book and it was talking about obesity...and it hit me! i started out with a BMI of 58 I think and now I am at a 38. It says in my book morbidly obese is a mass index of 40 or more..I may still be obese but not like I was!