girl on the run.....

Oct 22, 2012

up and down...like a rollercoaster...except anymore this ride sucks and i want to get off! i am sitting at 180 right now...all the jeans i bought 15lbs earlier.... tight! I am working 2 jobs and grabbing pure crap to eat while i am on the run. still single...even though i have been out with an unimaginable amount of losers..lol and just depressed. i lost my insurance and i always seem to be broke. i need to get back with it before i gain it all back. never thought i'd get tired of people saying "you look so good." but i have...the other day a lady i have known forever said "wow, you look incredible" i just blankly said yeah...then thought about it later....how rude! i wasn't really absorbing what she had said or how i responded until it was too late to say thank you.... i find myself looking in the mirror too much and worrying about what i am eating or my lack of excercise too often. i can't stand myself lately. i feel so sad and lonely in a body of disgust....and all i want to do is consume just 1 more cookie. what is wrong with me? they fixed my stomach but it definately didn't fix my brain :(

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