Brandi D

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So here's the big physical transformation.... but I can't think Dr. Robert Davis and Dr. Garth Davis and the people at the Davis Clinic enough for giving me the opportunity to have a life again....

Here I sit.. teetering between 172-175lbs.
I'm a size 8/10 on the bottom.
I'm a S/M on top.

The first 6 months of this surgery, I was a workout and carb nazi. You guys saw my posts... I flame people for doing bad things.... I was a gym bunny.. who was doing 900-1200 calories of working out per day....

In months , 4 ,5 ,6.. I lost virtually NOTHING....

Month 7.. .I decided my marriage was over.... Month 8, 9, 10.. I dropped 9lbs each....

I do not watch what I eat. I do not count anymore. I take my vitamins.... I make sure I don't feel dehydrated. I work out 3-5 times per week.. and its usually just cardio, squats, ab work....

A typical day for me is waking up to a breakfast taco from the tacqueria....  some kind of chicken something for lunch... some kind of cheese and crackers... then a shake at dinner...

I have ice cream.. Once or twice per week the new boyfriend buys me a blizzard from Dairy Queen.. I eat 1/4th of it...

Once or twice per week I have a donut from the bakery... or a turnover.

I'm here to tell you... the emotional issues were the biggest thing for me. My marriage was the DEATH of me...  Getting out of that marriage was so important...

and now that I'm in a healthier relationship.. I'm discovering that there are other underlying issues... I used to self injure when I was a child... my marriage was another form of self injury.. being with someone who gas lighted me..... now I'm discovering that I'm in a happy relationship and I gas light myself...

There are so many things we battle as "little fat girls" that extend beyond the food and the exercise....  the PCOS played a big part of it.... but once I got to a place where the metformin wasn't needed really to regulate my glucose... I couldn't blame that...

I've had to make me a better person.... It's just had to happen....

But yea.. There's my update. Almost a year out... 100lbs down.... Amazing happy relationship with my wrestler/professor....  I'm a "stepmom" sorta now.. my house in Houston sets empty... and I'm finding myself... there are issues there that I never, ever addressed. Or would admit I had.




(Max Muscles and I)

I am fine.
I'm better than fine.. I feel happiness and freedoms that I've never felt before. I feel almost calmness... I'm a little too manic and too hyper to be fully calm..

He and I tried to be civil together at the park today... and it was the first time I'd cried in a week.. What does that tell me? He has ZERO place in my life.. even in the friend zone. ZERO. NONE.

But I just wanted everyone to know how I'm doing..

My fitness is still kicking butt and pushing... but i'm probably eating a few too many protein bars... and sleeping  a bit too much. We won't know til I have a period... and drop the weight...

I love everyone who has been here for me... Thank you all....

Brandi

7 Months tomorrow.
71 lbs down.
I hope to wake up in Onederland.. but if I don't.. that's okay....
I've found me.
I've found happiness.
I'm so at peace with this process and lifestyle change...
everything is different.

"I've been a nerd my whole life. Not just a nerd, but a cross eyed, obese, nerd. I made due. When I eloped out here to leave my childhood behind... I honestly thought my marriage and the way my husband built me up was great....

I had spent all those years pleasing people with perfect academics or being funny... or  just allowing myself to be the bud of jokes... that's what fat girl do, right? At least ones that aren't wallflowers and TRY to fit in... I thought I did.

I thought hearing, "you're beautiful" and "I love you" and "No one will love you like I do.." and "your body is perfect" from a man for 7 years had turned me into a confident girl... I thought I was okay. I spent 1000s in a year at Torrid... I did BBW webcam...I really, really, really thought I was happy. HOnestly, I did. Happy lil fat girl.

All the way up til getting the surgery... I thought I was doing it mostly for the PCOS... not for confidence... not for a lifestyle change... For health. My husband stated that over and over, "You're not doing this for vanity, you're doing this to be healthy..."

But wow.

Me personally? With my job in adult... I spend a lot of time thinking all men are pigs... and because I eloped so young and never dated...all I ever knew was my hubby.. so I thought it was perfectly normal for a man to tell you how beautiful you are one moment... but then tell you, "No one would put up with you like I do.." the next minute... I THOUGHT it was normal...

But it's not.
It's just not.
As lil fat girls (and boys) we put ourselves in situations where we settle. We think things are good because in our mind they're as good as they'll get... or better than the alternative..

but this last week for me... I've FELT a confidence that was NEVER there... Sure, I run a big ass business... I have friends... but me as a person was not as developed as I thought..

I sat down for a dinner date this weekend... and I had difficulty looking the man in the eye and making eye contact...Me. Yes. I'm like lil miss ray of fucking sunshine, hyper all the time, Type A... and I couldn't carry on a conversation... the confidence wasn't there... I'd spent all this time being isolated in a relationship that never let me grow as a well rounded, confident person..

I had to keep apologizing, "I know I'm 25, and I know I'm much more hyper in text and when we're working together, but for some reason I feel like a school girl right now.."

So I just wanted to post as sort of a "hey it'll change" or "wait til you have your moment" sorta thing... I think a lot of us were just "getting by" being fat.

There's a whole other world out there.. where people WILL treat you differently.. and you WILL feel better about yourself. And people won't blow smoke up your ass because you're the fat girl and easily manipulated...

It will be hard. I'm learning right now how to interact with people... and I'm FUCKING 25. I should've learned this, oh, I don't know? 5-10 years ago? But no. No. it just wasn't there...

This entire weekend has been the best mind fuck EVER for me... I'm not ready for a new relationship or to date or to have a fuckbuddy...

but I am ready to realize that I love myself... and God, for all those years, I was never anywhere NEAR that...

k. my rambling is done.. but I'm sure this will touch home with a few."

Wow..
I'll be 6mos out on January 8th... so far, 62lbs down...
I'm a slow loser, but I feel so much differently...

It's been a great last few days. I'm embracing the fact that I'm losing slowly.. and just going to celebrate the fact that I'm making leaps and bounds of changes in the fitness side of things...

OH and here's our Christmas Tree:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ardWVmnzUWo

One of the main concerns I have right now is that I may be eating too much.. I'm about to get 5ish ounces of protein in... and I don't like that...

And at night, I'm binging on either bites of chicken.. or other protein sources...  I'm also PMS right now.. so maybe that's it? who knows..

:)
But I was 214 again this morning.. I hope to be 204 by Christmas.. but we shall see.. that'll be some hard work...

In two months, I've dropped 11lbs. I'm not a lightweight. I should be losing more than that... I'm following my diet as I should be... I just think the working out + metabolic issues are keeping me from losing as much as I should be... I feel great.. I'm running.... I'm doing bootcamps.. I'm even thinking about becoming personal training certified in March so I can help with other WLS patients...

I'm down 57lbs total...

My goal is 155, ideally.. I'm not sure how that's going to go or not.. We shall see. I'd love it.. but I don't know how practical it's going to be with my workout level and the way I feel about myself. We'll see..

Im eternally grateful for how my life has changed.. I'm just kind of in a holding pattern right now wondering how much farther things are going to fall... and how I feel..

Food wise:
I'm eating Fajitas everyday almost. Ha. I need to learn to cook them so I stop going to freakin' Lupe Tortilla.. I eat the side of beef fajita meat with guacamole and salsa..

I still dont' have gratuitous carbs.. no bread, no pasta, no rice, no sweets.. my carbs come like my protein bars have 3-5carbs in them... yogurt has 6 I think... the guacamole has a lil bit.. ya know, little ones.. but they add up. I try to keep them under 35g.... if and when I can..