Today I turned forty.....

Apr 12, 2011

 Today I celebrated my fortieth birthday and realized how very blessed I am.

For the past 6 months I have been struggling with depression, difficulty dealing with the unwanted attention from men, and the disconnect between my body and my brain. In my case the depression was coupled with anxiety leading me to be very aggressive and confrontational whenever I felt threathened which was happening almost every day. The cultural norm here in Hawaii is to hug and kiss people when you meet them and when you say good bye, I just couldn't stand to have anyone in my personal space and the anxiety was affecting my ability to function in everyday life. So I found a good psychologist and started therapy. He recommended Lexapro and my PCP was onboard and wrote the prescription right away. The Lexapro has been very helpful and I can finally take a step back and look at what I have to be grateful for without all the anixety clouding my mind.

I am grateful for and have been blessed with a loving and supportive family. They have been there every step of the way and I would lost without them. 
I am grateful for my friends who love me and support me, who celebrate my successes and give me swift kick in the rear when I need it.
I am grateful for my medical team who work together to make sure that I stay healthy and happy. They share information with each other readily and are not territorial when it comes to making decisions.
I am grateful for the support and fellowship that I have found on OH. I have never felt alone in this process because there were so many people who were willing to share the good, the bad, and the unexpected. 
I am grateful for the good health that I am enjoying; this is the healthiest I have been as an adult.  All comorbidites resolved and I am active and full of energy.
I am grateful that people think that I am attractive even though I can't see myself clearly. What I can see of myself I like and am glad that my body looks better than I expected. Yes I have excess skin, yes I have stretch marks and scars, but I can run and jump and climb and I love the way I feel. I believe I would love the way I look if I could see myself.

There is so much more I am grateful and will continue to be grateful for as long as I live. So on this my fortieth birthday I realize I have been both blessed and luckier than I ever expected to be. And I also realized that it is enough, enough to know that I am loved and supported, enough that I have a roof over my head and a job that I enjoy and challenges me, enough that I am healthy and working on being happy/content. For the past two and half years I have been focused on reaching a goal weight and then maintaining that weight that I lost sight of the day to day things and people that are important to me.

So enough with the goals and time to focus on appreciating what I have and taking each day one at time. 

Ole

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About Me
HI
Location
31.6
BMI
RNY
Surgery
11/13/2008
Surgery Date
Sep 07, 2008
Member Since

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OMG
Feeling great!
back at the hotel now.
Wow
Nervous, excited, and a little scared.

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