Brooke G.

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Have you ever heard that Match Box 20 song... I wish the real world would just stop hasseling me... truer(is that a word... is that how you spell it?)  lyrics were never spoken.

I'm so tired.  I feel like I've been going non-stop for awhile now.  I feel like I've fallen... hard... into the real world.  When I moved to Indiana I thought that this would be my new beginning (and it is).  I have a job pretty close to the job I always wanted, my own apartment, and my freedom.  What I lack are; friends nearby, a healthy routine, energy and money.  Most of all I lack a real plan to fix these things.

Countless times I've said, thought, and wrote that tomorrow is a new beginning and I really mean it this time, but look where those new beginnings have gotten me. Up to 185lbs, tired, and broke.  I don't need a new start, I need a plan to work with what I already have.

I always make long term goals, and it seems so ... well... long until they can be accomplished.  I'm going to make a couple of weekly goals, for this week and see how that goes.  I need some time to figure them out... I'll keep you posted as I come up with them...

In the last few months there have been a lot of changes in my life.  From location to job to weight (up and down) to salary and state friends... weather... everything is changing.   

I love my new life, but today I got on the scale and it said 186.  Last week I had a 183 and before that a little higher and then lower.  I think the biggest problem is... I don't know what to eat?!  What do you eat at 4 years out?  5?
How many calories is enough... and too much?  How much protein do I need at this point?  Why am I hungry so much?  Is it head hunger?

Why is my clinic out of business?   Who do I go to with these questions?

Sigh..  When I figure out the answers I'll be back...

I've been taking a break... I guess from reality because I've been eating awful things and gaining weight as the penalty.  I went to the gym yesterday, but that was the first time in two weeks.  I blame it on not having enough time because of work (I'm sooo busy) but I could find time... hell my gym is open 24 hours.

Tomorrow it's back on track hard core... the gym every day.  Eating things that are fuel for my body, not band aids for my emotions or boredom fillers.

protein... thats the key.

Sigh...

So it's official... I need glasses... 

I have a stigmatism in my right eye... 

sigh

I'm too full right now.  My tummy sent me the cut off signal a long time ago, but my head wouldn't let me stop.  Guess which one has control of the arms.  Good thing I have nothing but healthy food in the house... mostly I've been poping in fruit.

Today Robin came over and we did a facial/make up lesson.  I'm not convinced about make up... and I am not a fan at all of lip liner.  I do love the exfoliant...

Tomorrow and all of next week is going to be busy.  I'm going to have to move my workouts to the morning... sigh... 

My health insurance kicks in Monday!! 

Yep, thats right!  I just need to lose 9 more pounds until I'm overweight and no longer obese!  I never ever thought I would make it back to this point when I passed it probably in 5th grade!

Went to the gym tonight.  Did 45 minutes on the treadmill and then 10 more on the bike (to see the end of law and order).  

I just finished a whole grain waffle with sugar free syrup... I'm gonna give it a minute and decide if I want an orange or not.

Not much else to report other than I'm friggen tired....

later...

I was moderately surprised to jump on the scale (well not exactly jump) this morning and see 178!!  I still feel a little bloated from last week and my eating hasn't been amazing (not terrible but in that middle ground).  I have gone to the gym pretty much every day, so I'm sure thats helping.

Last night I made cookies.  One of the ladies at work gave me a cookie sheet... so figured ... why not?!  They don't have sugar (I subbed splenda) but they are not bad.

I really like my gym!!  The owner is great, the hours are perfect (it's open 24/7) and it's never super busy to where I can't get on the machine I want.  I realize the new hasn't worn off yet, but I'm really enjoying it.  I like the treadmill.  I've asked several people their advice for the treadmill and this is what I've gotten...

Longer builds stamina
Faster builds endurance
and the owner told me to always walk cause jogging is hard on the knees, but walk at an incline...

so this is what I've come up with my for my treadmilling...
I use the "Random Hill" setting.  It asks for the maximum speed I would like (which I enter as one where I'm walking very quickly) and the maximum incline (not too steep yet I'm just getting the hang of it).  Then it randomly gives me inclines and speeds.  Yesterday I was able to do this for about 45 minutes and I burned more calories than before!! Woo hoo.
This will also keep my workout not terribly routine so my body doesn't get used to it.

My schedule next week in the evening is looking pretty full... I'm probably going to have to go to the gym in the mornings... NNNNNNNNNnoooooooooooooooo.  I'm sure it wont be that bad.  I'm sort of a morning person... so we'll see.

Well I'm off to work.  Have a fabulous day!

I suspect this will be a good week.  I can't forsee any reason that it would not.  I'm really starting to enjoy my job and feel like I'm accomplishing something.  My shoulder feels a lot better!

Tomorrow I'm going to try and make a lot of doctors appointments for as soon as I get insurance (the first for dental and the third for health).  

I want to get my teeth cleaned and get an "estimate" because my wisdom teeth hurt a lot!  I also want to get my eyes checked because I find myself squinting a lot and moving really close to the monitor of my computer or whatever I'm reading.  I also need to make one more appointment that makes me a little nervous.  I have this hard little ball inside my right boob.  It's been there awhile, but it's getting a little bigger.  I'm sure it's nothing, but I think it's best to get it checked out.  I'm going to try and make all the appointments tomorrow during lunch... we'll see how it goes.

I'm pretty tired, but I was hoping stalker would call... sigh.

Good Night

It's been a few days and I'm not even really feeling this update right now.  I feel like I worked for three days straight!!  It's fine though cause I love my job and it was actually really enlightening!

Last week when I asked Muscles at the gym to help me learn to bench press, he pointed me towards a weight machine and showed me what to do kinda.  Guess I didn't pick up the proper form cause my shoulder really hurt the next day.  Then the day after that it was fine so I went on like normal.  Friday I was at a career fair trying to recruit camp staff for the summer.  Well I have this big display board that I lug around with me.  I was fine during the day, but Friday night wow did my shoulder hurt!  It hurt a lot yesterday too and it's been sore since I woke up today.  I think it's slowly but surely getting better... I'm just taking a lot of tylenol and praying!

Lets hope this is a good week!

Wow I'm sore... i think my pecs hurt!!  It's sad to have hurting pecs under hurting boobs!  As you can tell I went to the gym today!  I think I have my routine down, it's like this...

Monday, Wednesday, and Friday
Cardio 
- 30 minutes on the treadmill (gradually adding more distance with jogging intervals)
Strength Training (in this order)
- The Inner leg machine 3 sets of 10 reps
- The Crunch machine 3 sets of 15 reps
- The Calf machine 3 sets of 10 reps
- The Chest Machine 3 sets of 10 reps (hence my pecs hurting)
- The Outter leg machine 3 sets of 10 reps (this is the same as the inner leg machine you just move the little leg pads around)

Tuesday and Thursday
- 30 minutes on the treadmill
- The Fake Benching machine (I think it's called the smith machine) 

Saturday
- Good Ole Treadmill
- 10 minutes on the eliptical (gradually building more time)

Sunday 
- OFF unless my eating was really bad, then some cardio

I plan on following this routine for a month... gradually increasing my speed on the treadmill and eventually adding some eliptical time after it... and increasing the weight on my strength exercises. 

I'm going to vary the routine next month so my body doesn' t get accustomed to it.

Eating was good today!