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October 10, 2007

Happy 2 yr anniversary!It has been almost a yr since I last wrote in here. Not mush to really say except that my health isn't as good as it should be and they don't know why. I don't regret my surgery but I hope to find out answers soon.

November 10, 2006

It has been so long since I have wrote in here, so I figured it was time. It has been a year and a month since my surgery and I am down past my goal weight. Hooray!The baby was born on my birthday and is doing great. Life has been hectic but worth it. My journey is going very well and I am so proud of myself with as far as I have come. I am going to give my body some rest and wait about a year until I do my tummy tuck. I have also considered looking into the breast lift part of it since I am done having children. A lot of people questioned my idea on having the surgery and thought I wa snuts but I feel I made the best decision with having it, I am now not only skinnier but healthier and I feel I have done something for my children that will allow me to be here for them for many more years then I would of if I hadn't had it.

June 1, 2006

5 months today! Hip hip hooray!Nothing new going on. Start my new job on monday and we move in a month. baby is growing fine and Emmy is getting more and more independant everyday. No new measurements, still flucuating between 155 and 157 pounds. That's ok with me though cause it isn't gaining and I am still feeling pretty good.Yesterday was Logan's birthday. Happy Birthday Bubba. Tuesday Evelyn quinn was born. Congrads to Matt and Katie.

May 19, 2006

It's a GIRL! We are so excited. Emmy is so happy to be having a baby sister.Matt made mother's day a great day, even though he had to work at 3, it was still a good morning. Emmy was good too.

 

May 14, 2006

Man it has been awhile since I last updated. So much is going on. Leeanne had a baby boy named Broc Anthony. He is adorable. Emmy is getting so big, and so grown up. I am getting such a big belly on me, but still have not gained anything. Matt and I are great and growing more and more in love everyday. I am selling the house and we are getting a townhouse in West Lawn, we can't wait. Hopefully soon I will have a new job too. Happy Mother's Day!Here are some measurements, I figured it has been long enough.weight: 154.8 legs: 19.5 hips: 43 waist: 40 arms: 10 bust: 37everything looks good. looks like I haven't gotten too big since the pregnancy started. I have yet another UTI, 4th one since this pregnancy started, I was also rushed to the ER Tuesday night because I was having such bad stomach cramps. I have gastroenteritis. I feel somewhat better today but lost 5 pounds in 3 days from not eating which I know isn't good for me or the baby. Well hopefully today is a good day since it is supposed to be my day. I have faith in Matt...lol

 

March 28, 2006

Man it has been awhile. Not much new going on though so I guess that is why I haven't written in so long. I am down to 164, doctor's are still ok with everything. Baby is doing great, got to see him/her the other day with an ultra sound. It was so cool to watch the baby move around and wave at us. Matt was excited and so was I. Things are doing well with Matt and I, I couldn't have asked for a better man in my life. Emilie is getting so big. She is so independant and doesn't need me anymore, I hate that. I hope she is going to take to the new baby well. She kisses my belly and says "baby in your belly" all the time, but I wonder if she really does understand what that means. She is going to be a great big sister. Guess I will have to do some measurements soon, it has been awhile since I last did that too. 19 more pounds until my goal, I can't believe it is that close. I am trying to watch what I eat so I don't gain too much weight and by the look of it, I really am not gaining at all. Crossing my fingers!

 

March 7, 2006

It has been awhile since I last wrote on here. Not much new or exciting going on though. Went to see Dr. Boorse yesterday and I have lost a total of 70 pounds. He is very happy with my results and didn't lecture me too much on being pregnant. He feels that I should have a very healthy pregnancy and that the baby will be fine. I know that took a lot of worries off my back. I haven't measured lately so maybe I will do that soon. I can fit into a size 13/14 which is awesome. I love that feeling.Matt and I are great, we got our "family" van now. I don't know what I would do without him, I mean yes sometimes he makes me mad for dumb shit, but he is still the best thing that could have ever happened in my life and I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

February 1, 2006

I love you so much!Lost another 2 pounds since my last weigh in. In two days I am taking Matt down to VA to meet my mom and stepdad. I can't wait. Things are going very well, just a few minor bumps in the road, but we are driving right over top of them and not letting them slow us down.

February 7, 2006

On Friday I found out I am 6 weeks pg. OMG, I still can't beleive it to even type it. How do I get myself into such shit. I think Matt is happy but he is concerned whether or not it is his. I know in my heart it is, but I can't seem to convince him of that. But I am still considering this to be a blessing and I know this child will be loved plenty.

February 13, 2006

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Matt and I's first. I can't wait. Things are so good between us and I hope they stay that way for a very very long time. I still haven't gained any more weight. I am flucuating between 172 and 175. Which is good I guess. I hope this pregnancy doesn't make me gain too much. I am trying to eat good things and watch what I eat. We have our first doctor appointment on the 20th, next Monday. I hope the doctor gives me the same dates as the ER did, so it puts his mind at ease a bit. I can't wait until he gets to see the baby on U/S and hears the heartbeat. He rubs my belly all the time and tells the baby he loves it. I know he would be so heart broken if it wasn't his but I have faith in God and I don't think he would be so cruel to us. Had our first snow of the year. It was fun playin outside with Kylee and Brandon, wish Emilie would of been there but it was Jeremy's weekend. Things are finally looking good in my life and it is so hard to believe that I am finally so happy. I never thought I would be able to say that again.

February 20, 2006

Some days are good and some days are bad, feeling wise. Normally I just feel funny after I eat, but it gets better after I rest for a bit. Still staying at the same weight now, 173. Had our first prenatal appointment today, baby looks good and is measuring at 8 weeks 2 days, right on schedule. Hope Matt is seeing good news now, but I am sure he is still concerned. I love him no matter what and I know he loves me and this baby too.

January 3, 2006

Happy New Year! Hope this one is better then last year. So far it is starting off nicely. But I dont' want to jinx anything so I will comment more on that at a later date and time. Emmy tried to stay up to watch the ball drop but she passed out at about 10pm. I on the other hand did not fall asleep until sometime later the next night. Again I will comment on that at a later date and time. I had a blast though and for once I smiled and laughed and felt good about myself, my life and everything else going on in my head.To this man I say "THANK YOU"

January 4, 2006

My head is in the clouds, "this man" is always on my mind. I don't know what it is that he does to me but I can't stop thinking about him. To hear his voice, to look into his eyes, to touch his skin, he drives me crazy. I melt when he touches my face, when he kisses me, when he holds me. I want to shout to the whole world about him, but I am scared to jinx it. The new year seems to be good so far, and I want it to stay that way, for me and for Emilie. My heart is broken, and on the mend, but in time it will heal and I hope to find that special someone who will love me for me and want to be a part of me and Emmy's life. Whomever he is, I hope he knows he has his work cut out for himself cause I am not always a pleasant person to be with. But maybe this man will change all that and bring out the better person in me, that I know is buried deep down inside of me.

January 9, 2006

It has been a week for Matt and I and I just can't stop smiling. He makes me feel so good, about myself, my life, my future. He is a great man and I wished it wouldn't have taken us so long to get together. Tomorrow is his birthday so I am going to make dinner, just a quiet evening for the two of us and Emilie. She woke up this morning and asked where he was, I hope she really enjoys spending time with him, because I know he loves her and he makes her Mommy so very happy.

January 10, 2006

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATT!I am making dinner for this wonderful man tonight and I hope he knows how much he really does mean to me. He completes me and fills the void that has been in my life for years. Everyday my feelings for him grow and grow and he says the same thing to me. He really make sme feel special, this morning he called me beautiful and I don't think he knows how much that meant to me. I haven't heard those words come from a man, and be meant, in so so so long. He makes me blush, he makes me smile, he makes me laugh, he just makes me so happy. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

January 14, 2006

It has been two weeks and I am in love. Yes I said it, I know it sounds crazy but I know my feelings and they are very very strong. I just feel so complete, happy and able to be in touch with feelings that I thought would never exsist again. I don't know what it is he does to me, but I like it. He is so sweet and kind and gentle. He cares about me and makes me feel like I deserve everything he gives to me. I don't want this feeling to ever end. Matt, I love you!

January 18, 2006

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ! VICTORIA, I can't believe you are 1 yr old today.Well I have hit another plateau. I have not lost any weight in 2 weeks. I knew it was going to end up happening since I was so close to my goal. Only 36 pounds to go and I am there. I can't beleive how much I lost already. I really thought it would have been harder. All my pants are too big unless they are a 16 or less, I can almost get into a 14, I am so happy.I came home to flowers on my kitchen table Monday night. I love him so much, I don't know what I would do without him. He is my world, my everything and he is so good to me. I have a UTI right now and it hurts, and he is so concerned, making sure I am ok, rubbing my back, my belly, kissing me all over to make the pain go away. I am so glad God finally answered my prayers and brought this man into my life.THANK YOU !

January 20, 200620

20 days! I can't believe it. I love you Matt!Last night we watched The Notebook. It was great, I could watch that movie 100 times and it will always make me cry. He won't admit he liked it but I think he did. The movie really makes you think, if you ever take something for granted, it makes things make sense. Still hit my plateau, but it doesn't keep me down, I know the rest of this weight will come off. It just takes time.

January 26, 2006

Well my weight one day says I gained and the next day says I lost, TODAY the scale read 180 again, so I will take it. I still really don't get sick from anything but after I eat, my stomach sometimes hurts. I just keep forgetting to take those darn vitamins. I think I am going to try and find ones I can swallow cause the chewable ones are starting to taste nasty. Emilie is doing really good with potty training. She hasn't had many accidents and she goes by herself. Even with poopin. Friday night is going to be "our" first date, me and Matt. It won't be alone but as long as I am with him, I won't know anyone else is there anyway. Trudy and Steve might go too, so that will be cool, I will know someone so I should enjoy myself. I love being with him so it doesn't matter where we go as long as we are together.Hopefully I can do my taxes this weekend. Really need the money.

January 29, 2006

Happy Birthday Dyllan! I can't believe he is five now and will be starting school this coming year. These kids are growing up too darn fast.Matt and I had a great weekend, we went out, had fun, I just love being with him. He says his friends are crazy but I didn't notice, guess I was too wrapped up in staring at him.Figured it has been over a month so I should do some measurements, so here it goes....HIPS: 46 WAIST: 41.5 LEGS: 22 ARMS: 11.5 BUST: 38.5 WEIGHT: 179.0 PANT SIZE: 14

December 5, 2005

Went to my first doctor appointment in almost 2 months and I lost 42 pounds. Doc said I am doing everything just fine and I should have no problem getting to my next goal of being down 50 pounds by Christmas. I am so happy to be under 200 pounds right now. It has been so long since I have seen that I don't know what to do with myself. I am still taking things day by day, making sure Emmy comes first and that she is always happy. I am trying to be happy myself and so far so good, I am happy about my weight lose and I am happy about getting my life back to normal. Hoping the holidays will be fun and exciting for me and Emmy, so we will see.

 

December 9, 2005

Not much new going on, got our first real snow fall today. 9 inches at the house, didn't go to work, Emmy and I will go play outside later. Figured I would do some measurements since I was under 200 now. Only changes were my waist...47" and hips...51". So not bad, another 2 inches down.

 

December 19, 2005

Happy Birthday Papa! Emmy and I had a great time down in Virginia over the weekend. We spent our Christmas with Mimi and Papa. Emmy got some cool gifts and Mommy got some new clothes. I am so excited to say I am now in a 16, which I haven't worn since way before Emilie was conceived. The last time I wore this size was the last time Jeremy and I split up. Guess that's one good thing that came out of this AGAIN, I am back to a skinnier size again. Christmas is 6 days away. I hope Emmy likes everything she gets from her Mommy, Daddy and the rest of her family. I have two weeks of peace and quiet from school. Which is well deserved, I didn't do so hot on this last class. With leaving to see Kenny and going down to VA, I didn't concentrate much and it showed. 5 more classes and I graduate, which really doesn't seem bad but I still dont' graduate until August of next yr.

 

December 24, 2005

Christmas Eve! I can't wait until Emmy wakes up tomorrow and gets to open up all her presents. For me personally, I can't wait for the holidays to be over and the new yr to start. Hopefully it will brings lots of new hope and joy for both me and Emilie.

 

December 27, 2005

Christmas came and went, THANK GOD! Emilie had a good one though and that is all that matters. I just couldn't wait for the day to be over. First Christmas in 10 yrs and I had spent it alone. Hit me hard, so I tried to stay busy and be around friends. Went to visit some friends I hadn't seen in about a year which was nice and then spent the rest of the night at Trudy's. Somedays I don't know what I would do without her. I know she wants me to be happy, but if she only knew sometimes how depressed I get and how much I just wish things would end. Emilie is the only reason I get up every morning and breathe. I know things will get better eventually, but how bad do they have to get before I hit bottom.Heard from a "friend" today who hadn't called in like a week. He made me smile and that made me feel better. I wish he wasn't so far away, but I know he will always be a friend and there for me if I need him to be. I try to see the positive in everything and that is why I stayed with Jeremy for so long. I knew in my heart he wasn't a bad guy, we just weren't meant to be together I guess. I still love him and I guess a part of me always will, but I know it is no longer and I guess that scares me because now I have to come with terms with it and realize I am alone.

November 17, 2005

It has been so long since I last updated, I am down 35 pounds. Have to take my measurments sometime soon. Things have been so nuts, with the divorce and dealing with Jeremy and just everything at home and at work, I just don't know how I get up everyday. I got a B in my last class which I thought I was going to fail. So far this new class seems easy. I just can't wait for Christmas to get here and the new year to begin. Maybe it will be bringing me more happiness then the last few months have brought me. Emilie is the only thing that keeps me strong. I hope so knows how much I love her. I know her Daddy loves her too but he just didn't beleive in his love for me enough to want to make it work. So here's to a new life, a new beginning, a new hope and maybe one day a new love.

November 24, 2005

Happy Turkey Day! Another month has gone by since I last measured myself so here it goes:ARMS: 12" LEGS: 23" BUST: 41 1/2" HIPS: 52" WAIST: 48" WEIGHT: 205lbsThings are going smoothly, taking it day by day. Hopefully I will enjoy a nice holiday today with Emilie. I can't believe Christmas is just around the corner. Time goes by so fast and I have so much I need to do yet. Trying to get the house in order and making sure I got Emmy everything she needs and wants. It is hard being a single parent but I am surviving the best way I know how. I hope she knows how much I love her and how much I want our time together to be as specail as it can be.

OCTOBER 2, 2005

I have been doing my liquid diet to see how it will feel in a week, this will be all I can have for a few weeks. I must be doing good cause I lost 4 pounds. I am hungry but not starving. I can handle it. Things will change though once my stomach is smaller, I will still get hungry but not like I would now. I got all my decorations hung out for Halloween. I got my house cleaned top to bottom. I am counting the days even more now then when I was before.

October 6, 2005

I went and had my pre-testing done today. Everything went well and I got to meet some very nice people. In less then 4 days my new journey begins, my new life begins. I don't know how much sleep I am going to get cause all I can think about is this. I just wish Jeremy would understand why I am doing this. It is not so I get skinny and become a beauty queen. It is so I can be healthier and be around longer for him and Emilie. It is to make myself happier with how I look and feel. My attitude will change cause I will start to love myself so that I can allow him to love me in return and I can love him more and more right back.

OCTOBER 8, 2005

I am sitting here at my new lap top and just watching the clock wind down. Less then 48 hours to go. Went to WalMart and got all my little goodies I will need for when I come home. Still don't get what is going on in Jeremy's head but I guess I never will. He is going out tonight and I guess that hurts me cause I would think he would rather spend the time with me and Emilie but instead he wants to go out and I can't stop him. I just hope he knows that things are going to get different around here and if he continues to act this way, I am not staying around. I am getting this WLS so that I can be a better person inside and out, and if he will not change and I do then I guess I know my answer.

OCTOBER 9, 2005

Less then 24 hours to go. I head for the hospital around 8 or so to be there by 9:30am. My stomach is in knots, I am nervous but not too scared. Nothing is going to stop me now. I have my paper and pen so I can keep track of all my thoughts. I got my chapstick and all my other goodies too. The house is clean and hopefully stays that way before I get back to it. When I gave Emmy a kiss tonight, I hope she knows I love her and will see her soon. Mommy is going to be a changed person and I hope she knows I did it for her too.

October 10, 2005

I arrived around 9am at the hospital. When I woke up this morning and weighed myself that scale said 233.1 but at the hospital the scale read 233.8 so they marked me down for 234. It took about 45 minutes to go through all the paperwork and then Jeremy was allowed back in the room with me until I headed down the hallway. He made jokes right and left, I don't know if that was his way of dealing with it or just trying to be a smart ass. As they rolled me down the hall, I closed my eyes and thought of Emmy. The next thing I remembered was waking up in recovery. Surgery was about 2-3 hours. I wasn't in too much pain just had one sore spot. I was very sleepy. They took me back to my room and I pretty much slept for the rest of the night off and on. I took a morphine shot about every 4-6 hours. Still just this one spot that hurt really bad but I was told that was normal. Didn't sleep very well through the night, woke up about every 2 hours or so. Nothing to eat or drink at all either, but I did get up and sit in a chiar for a bit before I went to bed.

October 11, 2005

Woke up in some pain but not too bad. Still taking morphine, but not too often. Had to go drink some nasty stuff so they could take pictures of my insides to make sure there were no leaks. Thought it was going to make me sick but I had nothing to throw up. Everything looked good so I was allowed to have my first meal. Jello and juice, it was so exciting---sarcasim. Got my IV out and my catheter. I also got to walk up and down the halls a bit which felt good. Had some breef broth and more juice for dinner. Not too bad either. Trudy came to visit which made me feel good. Walked about 4 times, no real gas but it felt good to move. For pain now I am taking Tylenol w/ codeine. Slowly sipping my water and I actually feel good. The one nurse also gave me a back rub which was cool and so was he. Had things on my legs to massage them and that was awesome. Had a better night sleep.

 

October 12, 2005

Woke up in minimal pain, just in that same spot. Nurse gave me more tylenol. Got up and peed on my own and walked around for about 10 minutes. Brushed my teeth, put on pit stick and combed my hair, felt like a real person now. I can go home today, they were going to send me home yesterday but I chose not too. Called Jeremy and he is on his way. Taking advantage of rest now cause I won't get much at home with Emmy. Walking felt good, but still no real gas. I haven't gone on the scale yet but I feel good so I should have lost something. Jeremy doesn't understand how unhappy I was with my weight and how hard it was for me to lose weight. I had to do this for me but I also did it for him and Emmy too.

 

October 13, 2005

Ok a little sore but good. Slept ok for my first ngiht home. Coughed a bunch though and kept Jeremy up. I feel good. Still scared to look at that scale so I will give it a few more days. Had my breakfast which was good, carnation instant breakfast for protein, scrambled eggs. Has some mashed potatoes for lunch, and chicken broth for dinner. Ate some apple slices inbetween. Everything went down well. Emym does not undertsand why I won't pick her up, I can't wait to hold her again.

 

October 14, 2005

Did my measurements today and I went down in my waist, hips, arms and legs. Stayed the same in my boobs. Weight was 234.1 Still got some extra fluids in there from surgery. Jeremy wants a divorce. He says I won't ever change and he isn't happy. I dont' know what to think, say or do, all I know is I don't want to give in that easily but I guess I don't have a choice if his mind is made up. I just want to be happy and that is why I did this for myself. I hope he one day forgives me for all my wrong and we can get past this.

October 19, 2005

I left the house last Saturday the 15th and haven't been back since. I couldn't stand to be there with a man who hates me and I dont' want Emmy to see us fight anymore. I am hoping being away will help him change his mind but I am not goign to hold my breathe. I am down another 6 pounds which is so cool. I am going back to the house this weekend, I hope there is no tention. Emmy doens't need that. I just want to be civil and pay the bills and then go from there. He says he is moving out, well maybe that is the best thing, that way I can move on with my life too.

October 23, 2005

Halloween parade today, Emmy got lots of candy. Feeling good, walking and doing what I can to shed these pounds. Did my measurements again today and am down in every section and also in weight. Lost 21 pounds in two weeks, awesome. Friday night was hard, to sit here without him knowing he was out and I hate that he makes me miss him so much. But how can you stop loving someone overnight. Well I guess in his case he did. Saturday night was better but still hard, I guess one day I will just grow immune and not care but at this point I don't know how soon that will be. I know I deserve better and I deserve to be happy but I have just spent so many years of my life with this man, I can't give up on now. My heart won't let me.

October 30, 2005

It's been awhile but there was really nothing worth talking about. My spirits are rising and and I down to 213. Haven't done any more measuring, I figured I would wait another week for that. Ate my first turkey and cheese sandwich last night. Wasn't too bad, the first two bites I took were too big, but I got the hang of it. Tried Crystal Light Ice Tea today and it just doesn't taste right. So I will stick to water. Maybe I will like juices but haven't tried any yet. Taking Emilie trick or treating tonight. She is going to be a bumble bee. The walking will be good for me. Haven't excerised like I wanted too becaue of stress and other things. So I try my best to walk as much as psosible. Chasing after Emilie helps. I just can't wait to get under that 200 mark. It seems so far away but it is only 14 pounds away. It has been over 3 yrs since I have been under 200, I won't knwo what to do with myself.