Jan 28, 2016
Hi All. I'll try to keep this short and sweet. Which, c'mon, it probably won't be. I don't know if anyone even reads on here any more. I'm just trying to keep it real. If any of you are on instagram, I try to keep it real there too on my @sleevedsista account and you can hold me accountable on myfitnesspal where I'm beskinnymini14 (ha I thought I'd reach my goals in 2014).
Wow guys, where did the time go? It's been almost 6 years since I first started investigating WLS. I am so so blessed and thankful for the chance at life it gave me. For me it's like a life-saving transplant--it really both saved and transformed my life. I would not have died from obesity--at least probably not for a long time. But I wasn't really living. I was a spectator to my own life. I'm so glad I had the surgery! I want to shout from mountaintops. And I'm so glad I had it when I did--at 22. What life I would have missed. What sweet, sweet experiences.
But I find the excitement of all that wearing off. Maybe it's because its not all so new now. Maybe it's because I'm ashamed that I'm going in the wrong direction--I was 159.2 on the scale today, y'all--10lbs. up from my lowest recorded adult weight, and 6-8lbs. up from where I comfortably maintained. Maybe it's just where I'm at in life--I'm now married, close enough to my weightloss goals, and have now graduated from law school and passed the bar. I've pretty much done what I set out to do. Or maybe it's because it's a Thursday. In January. Yuck.
But that's the truth about life. And certainly about maintaining weight. The day-to-day work is not as glamorous as those big milestones like the new dress sizes or "onderland" or graduating law school and passing the bar. It's mundane. And you'll go long periods of time without being recognized for your accomplishments although, truth be told, it's still a heck of a lotta work. Case-in-point: I just stopped to get a McDonald's chocolate chip cookie and a coffee for a treat. Maybe it's not exactly "diety" and not the best thing I could have done for myself. On the other hand, I get a (usually warm) chocolate chip cookie as good as my grandmother makes that satisfies my sweet tooth/chocolate craving and I can buy ONE. For fifty cents. No dough, no leftover chocolate chips. No 3 1/2 dozen other cookies. ONE. Brilliant! I actually felt pretty good about my choice. As I pulled away from the drive through I came to the terrible realization that they had given me THREE. No, they had not charged me for three. And yes, ordinary people would be over-the-moon thrilled that McDonald's made this type of mistake. But here I am at work staring at the bag that contains the other two chocolatey, melty cookies. And I won't eat them. I want to. I really, really want to. And perhaps my diet could start next Monday. And who could blame me. But I won't. I'm going to stand strong and take them to my grandmother when I take her the other half of my lunch. No one will throw me a parade. In fact, I am more likely now to have people tell me "go ahead and eat that cookie, you don't need to lose any more weight." But I'm still fighting the same battles every day. So I guess I would tell a newbie out there--don't let anyone make you feel like you're taking the "easy way out." I've always said I took the ONLY WAY OUT. And now that I've lost the weight, I have to continue to fight it every day. I feel like I've lost a few more battles than I've won recently, but I'll keep getting back up.
So I've decided that this year really is going to be the year of the new me. I'm getting closer and closer to 30. My friends are having kids and are focused on things besides themself. This year is my now. I want to see what I can do with this body. I want to fulfill the promise I made to myself nearly 6 years ago. I want to feel that good about myself again. I want to be proud of myself again. And, let's be real, I want to turn heads at my highschool reunion later this year. So this year beskinnymini14 will happen...in 2016. I want to be HALF of myself. My high weight before surgery was 277. So that means I need to be 138.5. I'm just about 20lbs. away from that, give or take a pound. And I want to reach that goal by Memorial Day which is 17 weeks away (or before then). I think that's doable. I need to lose just over 1 lb. a week to reach that goal. And if I reach it sooner then I will reevaluate and see where my happy weight will be. I felt pretty good about 152, I think 145 would probably be awesome and 138 I'd imagine would be ideal. I'll try to check back in here some to update you on my progress. I will be updating myfitnesspal and instagram every day.