brownblonde
A Week Later and a Change of Perspective
Feb 16, 2016
Last week probably represents the worst meltdown I've had post op. I guess it was bound to happen. I am just glad that those feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy have left. I had a lifetime fill of that pre-op. I don't need any of that negativity anymore.
Ok. By the numbers. Today I am at 157.6! The scale was messing with my head last week, clearly. That means I'm down 6.4lbs. from last Monday. I don't believe it. I think I was weighing heavy then after vacation, or I'm weighing light now, or a combinatiion of the two. Also, I came down with the flu last Tuesday. Suprisingly, I was actually hungry on Tuesday and Wednesday, my worst flu days. Like HUNGRY. Stomach growling, pills feel like they're resting in an empty stomach chasm hungry. So, despite my better judgment, I ate. And I ate the less-healthy things that sound good when you're sick. Like dry apple jack cereal. But I also thought the best thing I could do for my sick body was to listen to it and feed it when needed. I took that gamble, and it worked in my favor. It's also worth noting that since then I have had amazing restriction and a small appetite. Not being hungry and not being interested in food makes such a huge difference. Unfortunately this is not an everyday thing at 5 1/2 years outl like it used to be. It's rare for my restriction to be that good. And its even more uncommon for me to not be interested in food.
Now to a lesser extent I have always experienced these satiety swings. And that's why as good as meal planning is for us, it can also neglect to take into account our hunger levels and satiety--the very thing we worked so hard to get! There are days when I am legitimately hungry for whatever reason. Maybe my body needs more. And then there are days when I'm pretty full and satisfied on less, and yet I find myself trying to shovel down the food (granted, it's healthy, pre-portioned food) because I have it. A great example is that I bring snacks with me to work. The benefit of doing this is that I don't feel the need to overeat at lunch (because I know I can have more food if I want) and there's no excuse to fall back onto bad food. However, i also almost always eat it--regardless of whether I'm hungry or not. An oft quoted phrase is "if you fail to plan, you plan to fail." But could it also be that if you plan to eat--you definitely will!
What are your guys thoughts on snacking? I'm torn. I've always been a snacker. It used to be bad food, and now I'm getting much better about bringing yogurt or chicken or tuna or something. It's also almost a necessity to get in enough protein--even at this far out. However, it really eats away at the calories I can have. Even at 5 1/2 years out, the 1200 calories I need to lose weight divided between 3 meals and 2 snacks doesn't go far--even when I'm making very clean food decisions. I'm also afraid at the idea of encouraging a snacking behavior--what if it turns into mid-afternoon sugar again?
On the other hand, I have done it this way to avoid overeating at mealtime and stretching out my sleeve which I feel is a much more dangerous prospect. I can maintain with snacking (I think). I cannot maintain if my sleeve loses its restriction. Your thoughts?!!!
One last thing. I had a meltdown last week. Which is easy to do when your weight gets so out of hand so quickly. A 6.4lb. loss and a week to reflect can change your perspective. I log on MFP. My weight today was 157.6. Exactly a year ago it was 156.8--less than a pound away. Also, my lowest weight last year was during the summertime at 154.6. That's 3lbs. away. And, like most of you, probably, I tend to weigh heavier after the holidays and during the winter than I do in the summertime. I'm 3lbs. above my low last year. And I'm 6lbs. above my maintenance weight from 4 1/2 years ago. Not too shabby. That's very manageable. I'm not saying it'll be easy. Or that I won't have another meltdown. But I am saying I was too quick to throw the baby out with the bathwater. I'm doing fine. Today, even being heavier than I want to be, I'm still 120lbs. below my surgery weight. Holy. Freaking. Cow. That deserves a pat on the back.
