Learning to be your own definition of success

Apr 27, 2016

A lot of motivational speakers and athletes talk about the importance of goals and visualizing yourself achieving them.  They say it's important to visualize yourself making the layup and the crowd cheering as you clinch the 1st round of NBA playoffs (Wooo Thunder!), or imagine yourself going into the conference room, perfect posture, head held high, and killing that presentation.  Goals are so so important in deciding what we are going to do and more importantly, how we are going to tackle it.  I think I wrote a blog post on here a long time about about "Goal posts" and how you'd never know if you scored a touchdown if you don't know where the endzone is.

Well what does goal-setting with weightloss look like?  If I try to remember far back nearly 6 years ago, I don't recall that I really had particular goals.  It was more vague kind of I want to just keep losing weight.  I think the trouble with goal-setting before WLS is we really have no idea what we can achieve.  If you are like me, you wonder whether this will just never work.  Diets never worked on me before.  And I mean never.  I think I once did lose 25lbs. drinking a liquid diet for a few weeks.  So I was hesitant to set a goal, knowing the huge disappointment it would represent.  Now, in maintenance, I think goal setting may be even more important.  Because now has come the time where action is required.  I'll be pretty blunt with you--it did not take much work to lose weight for the first year.  I mean, it wasn't fun.  I wanted to eat more.  But I couldn't.  But the sleeve kind of did its own thang.  If anything, my very conservative approach to goal-setting slowed me down.  You see, my sister had lost pretty much all her weight by the 6 month mark.  Not me.  I was just rounding out about 200, 210.  And when I went for a check up with my surgeon he said "ya know, that's probably about all you're going to lose, maybe another 10."  Luckily I have never enjoyed anything more than proving people wrong, and I would go on to lose another 50-60lbs. over the course of the next 6-9 months.

You know what they say about opinions...yeah, yeah we all got 'em.  I think the closer you feel you're getting to goal, the more important it is to have a very clear idea of what that is, why you're doing it, and what allowances you are willing to make for changes in circumstance.  I'm in a very difficult place at the moment.  As of today I weighed 159.6.  Clearly, I'm still up from my maintenance weight.  But I am finding it so much harder now.  I should have guessed how hard it would be to lose weight when it was ridiculously hard just to maintain!  There has to be balance.  I will do what I do to lose weight.  But it has to be a manageable weight.  What exactly does that mean?  Now being super strict at dieting, I can see that there are several changes I could have made while "maintaining."  They aren't so bad.  I've been ordering more salads recently, eating primarily fruits and vegetables for my carbs.  A lot of these are rules I used to follow, and after a little "tune up" I think I can get back to focusing on them again.  But I don't think I can be so strict forever.  I enjoy my half english muffin with breakfast.  And I think I can arrange my calories to allow for that.  I think I can add exercise in the way of walking the dogs each evening.  That's what they mean when they talk about balance.  As long as I'm at a healthy weight, and feel good, I don't mind weighing a couple pounds heavier if it means I can have an occasional indulgence.  I think that's okay, good, even healthy!  I also don't think food is just fuel.  You'll hear that tossed around a lot in the dieting world.  Food is no more just for fuel than sex is just for procreation.  Food is to be enjoyed!  Food is so integral to so many of our familial, cultural, and religious celebrations.  And I wouldn't want it any other way.  That doesn't mean you have to eat it all, or eat the pie just to appease aunt Dorothy.  I does mean that the next part of the learning curve is being able to identify your own weaknesses, know your own breaking point, imagine what balance means to you, and figure out a plan to put it into action.  This will be different as each individual.  For me, reese's cups and peanut M&M's are a no-go.  If I eat one, I'll eat the bag.  I don't think this makes me a bad person or an addict.  I don't even think it means I can't eat any carbs or even any candy.  It just means that that is a trouble food for me.  If I do get them, I split a box at a movie with my husband.  You see, balance.  And now that I'm trying to lose weight, it's been easier to eliminate that entirely, and I simply drank water at the movies.  On the other hand, Dove chocolate promises don't bother me in the least.  In fact, I think I have a package of them going old.  I have actually found them to be helpful to my weightloss efforts.  Chocolate?  Beneficial to weightloss?!!  YES!  Because I love sweets.  And if I have a dove chocolate with an espresso, my palate is happy and says "you can go to bed now."  Whereas in my experience if I let cravings get too bad, I tend to eat everything but the thing I'm craving, and eventually I still eat what I craved.

You will find you have a lot of critics along the way.  At first you have many people who will ask you "why can't you just diet" and plead with you to not take the "easy way out."  You assure them, "this is not the easy way out, it's the ONLY way out."  And I firmly believe that.  But people, especially family, will continue to scrutinize your eating.  At first they might convince you that you're not eating enough.  And if a dessert should pass your lips, or if pounds are added to your hips, you can bet they'll be right back on you about it.  That's why it's important to find what works for you and just go for it.  I have no interest killing myself to be 135lbs.  I'm going to try to get down to at least 149 (my lowest weight) and see what kind of work it takes to maintain at that level.  Life is about a lot more than a random number on a scale.  I won't live a miserable life just to meet someone's expectation of what my weight should be.  Especially if I feel healthy and happy and have a good BMI.  I know some post-op patients who are probably around 200lbs, size 16.  I still consider them successes.  They might have used to be 350.  And they are doing their best.  That's really all you can ask of someone.  

I wish I had more insight.  I know it's hard.  It's also rewarding.  Find what you can do, acknowledge your successes, and achieve your goals.  You are worthy!!

1 Comment

About Me
Location
23.0
BMI
VSG
Surgery
05/26/2010
Surgery Date
Aug 26, 2009
Member Since

Friends 305

Latest Blog 97

×