bunnysbrown
I missed posting for June
Jul 09, 2009
July is gonna be good too! I love summer time! The warm weather is the absolute best to me. Last winter was sooooooo cold and snowy so I just am so glad when it's hot and sunny. Just makes me feel alive and kicking!!!
The journey continues...
Cinco de seis
May 06, 2009
The weather is warming up nicely and I have got to get back to basics with my eating and exercising cause I swear I have been a total SLACKER!!!! Oh and trust it is showing on my hips and thighs. Those suckas will never be smaller if I don't get back to the pool or walking or something man. I can't do the gym thing. Physically I can't handle all that stuff right now but I can do light stuff and I have to start journaling my food again.
I tell you if I have a craving for it, I get it. I don't even think and that's not good because you will gain weight and I have. I always wanted to get below 200lbs and I did right after my first chemo treatment in Feb. but it was sooooooooooo not a good look on me because I lost 27lbs in a week. Yeah not healthy at all. I looked like scary spice man!!!! I couldn't eat after that first treatment. I was really sick and food was the last thing on my mind, so I didn't eat. Humph chile please I got over that quick, fast and in a hurry. I made myself eat when I saw how awful I looked and eating made me feel better along with my prescribed anti-nausea drugs. So my total weight loss was -205lbs and I wasn't happy. I couldn't believe I had made it to onderland but losing weight just was not a priority for me at the time. Feeling good was. So I ate and I haven't stopped and my azz is getting big and once again I ain't happy.
Gotta find the balance people and for me it's getting my happy azz back to exercising so I can look cute again in my summer clothes. I am so not trying to go back up in sizes. It's time to get past these 18's. I've been in 18's for over a year. Yeah I managed to squeeze all this skin into one pair of 16 pants but um that was then and they don't fit anymore, NOT GOOD BUNNY!!!!
Trust me I know I have a problem and I'm working on it. It's so hard to not go back to the old way of dealing with stress. Especially when food makes you literally feel sooooo much better. Gotta get a grip on that thang!!!
So yes I gained all of that back (27lbs) and quickly, like in a month. No lie all of it and more. NOT GOOD!!!! Not good at all.
So I vow to:
start journaling my food again
to eat better and cut out all the boredom eating
to get offa my butt and get serious with my workouts
to drink more water and take all my vitamins * I do the vitamin part with no prob*
So in 30 days I'll look back at this and see if I kept my word to myself.
Word is bond.
The journey, though rocky as hell at times, still continues...
April 2nd
Apr 02, 2009
I'm loved and blessed beyond measure and I'm humbled knowing these things! With my health challenges I take no day for granted. No not one. Every single day is a gift and I treasure every single moment!!! I'm living my life like it's no tomorrow because in all honesty none of us know if we will live to see another day so ya betta be damn glad that yo azz is still here among the living LOL!!!! I know I am. I truly, truly am soooooo happy to be alive!!!
Yep I have cancer, yep I'm bald as a newborn baby, yep I have to go through nasty chemo treatments and get weekly blood tests done but I'm alive and it feels sooooooo good!!!
Hell I'm still cute baby and living my life like it's golden!!!
Happy 43rd Birthday to me!!!!
Marching right along
Mar 23, 2009
Now don't get me wrong, chemo whips me down a few notches every time I go. I hate it more than anything but if it's going to save my life then, I'm down!! So far I've had two cycles with 4 more to go... UGH!!!
I believe in His word and that it will not come back void to me. I have asked for total healing, and to live a long, long, long prosperous life.
My birthday is next week too so I've got a lot to celebrate and I'm giving Him all the Glory, Honor and Praise cause bayyyyybeeeeeee, I ain't nothing, do you hear me, NOTHING without GOD!!!!
He is holding me close and keeping me sane throughout all of this and for that I am thankful.
My journey continues....
February 20th 2009...
Feb 20, 2009
Today was my very first cycle of chemotherapy. I was pretty anxious about it and I'm so glad it's over. Now I know what to expect in terms of how chemo is administered and it really didn't hurt at all. I have a portacath implanted in my clavicle which allows the nurses to go straight to the port and not have to stick me a million times to set up an IV.
They said it takes a couple of days for the side effects to kick in, so I'm just going about my daily activities and keeping it moving. No need sitting around waiting to feel sick and ish.
The whole process today took about 7 hours, from registration until they unhooked me from the drips.
I had 4 meds before my chemo began. One was a steroid, two were anti nausea drugs and one of course was saline. They always give you saline. Then the TWO chemo drugs Paxol and Carbo, shortened versions. I've heard nothing nice about these damn steroids!!! I so don't want to gain weight and blow the hell up again but sadly I have no choice as I've been told the side effects are swelling of the face and body. UGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
I watched tv, read a couple of magazines, ate my snacks, journaled, napped, watched more tv, ate more snacks, sweated cause chemo gives you a crazy, crazy hot flash and contemplated the day.
It truly was a long day and I'm so very glad it's over. My next scheduled cycle is set for March 13th and I am so changing the date because it's on Friday the 13th and I'm not trying to be going up in there on that day. Call me what you like but I don't fugg around with that mess.
My cousin Michael is going through some serious stuff right now. He was diagnosed with brain cancer a couple of weeks ago. He had surgery and was doing well, then all of the sudden, BAM!!!!
He has to heal before they will give him chemo and maybe radiation. The sad thing about this is his mother (my aunt) just passed last year from cancer and his mother-in-law (my aunt) just passed a few months ago. Whoo boy it's been rough for my family and of course I don't understand but I know my God knows all.
I truly, truly think this is soooooooo unfair but I'm staying prayerful for him and for me. May God grant us both with the gift of total healing and long, healthy, prosperous lives in order to give Him all the Glory, Honor and Praise.
So glad December is over!!!
Jan 10, 2009
Happy New Year everyone!!!! I'm sooo glad this is a new year because for me it represents a new beginning. Of course by now everyone knows I have that dreaded fucking disease cancer. Hate saying it, but it is what it is. I was admitted to the hospital AGAIN in December this time I was bleeding so very badly to the point I was hemorraging (sp?) I went in on December 16th and they did another surgery on me try and stop the bleeding. It didn't work at first and then they wanted to do another surgery the same day but thank goodness another surgeon stepped in and said, "NO WAY." I would have died if they did that.
I was in the hospital for 8 long ass days after that and had the nerve to catch that digusting infectious disease CDIFF. Let me tell you CDIFF ain't no joke baby!!! It's the worst diarrea of your life. I mean I was going at least 20 times a day and it lasted for three weeks. The last week I was going maybe 7 or 8 times a day so can you imagine my sore behind????
Oh I wasn't eating anything either for over two weeks cause you have the absolute worst pain in your stomach, so needless to say I lost about 10-15lbs.
I was advised by one of my online friends whose niece had just had a bout with CDIFF that I should take some probiotics which would settle my stomach and it did and I was tooooooo happy.
My appetite came back right after that and now I feel like a new person.
I have been receiving the most wonderful cards, emails, and calls from people wishing me well and hoping that all is going good with me and I am eternally grateful beyond words.
I go to see the oncologist in the next two weeks and from there I guess my chemo will start.
But like I said I am sooooooo happy to be feeling good again. These are going to be the best two weeks ever!!! December was such an awful month for me and I'm glad it's over. On to bigger and better things.
Can't wait for January 20th so I can see Barack get sworn in. I plan on being at somebody's party that day or the weekend before. I feel like celebrating, don't you?
Life is good, no life is great!!!
Praise God and let's get this party started right!!!!
My journey continues...
Part deux
Dec 15, 2008
The year is almost over and Christmas is just about here and of course I need to do some more shopping but I don't think that is gonna happen. I of course did a little shopping for my Dollface before surgery but now I want to buy a crapload more for her but I'm not. She has everything already, twice!!!! She really doesn't need anything else, it's just that I spoil her rotten as a good Godmommy does, that's my J-O-B!!!!!!
She made her First Holy Communion yesterday and it was a beautiful ceremony.
She looked like a pretty, pretty princess!
Don't mind me I'm totally biased!!! I think she looks like a pretty, pretty, princess all the damn time anyways!!!
Treatment has been set up for me starting in January so these next couple of weeks are gonna be filled with family and friends and holiday festivities as much as I can handle. Right now I'm on strict orders to do much of nothing and I'm adhering to said orders. I don't want to end up back in the hospital no way, no how!!!!
Folks take care of yourselves. You only get one body so please pay attention and follow the damn rules!!! Your life may depend on it and it most certainly will thank you in the long run! I suppose that's the lesson in this here bs that I'm going through. To take care of your HEALTH!!!!!!
Oh hindsight is a mutha. I wish I had of learned this lesson waaaaaaayyyyyyyy earlier though and maybe I wouldn't be going through this right now. BUT I will not dwell of woulda, coulda, shoulda's. That isn't positive in the least bit and I'm only surrounding myself with positivity and light.
All negative, gloomy and dismal crap must take a detour the fugg outta my life. I don't have time for it and I really mean that. If I find myself second guessing stuff concerning me and this little life, oh trust, I'm cutting it the hell out. I'm putting me first, which I rarely do but I have to right now and honestly it feels good. Patting myself on the back for some tough decisions I had to make for my own good.
Ok I had more written but I guess OH is trippin'
I hope everyone has a happy Holiday and my journey continues.
Having cancer sucks!!!!
Dec 09, 2008
People have got to stop giving me the pity look like I'm dead already when I tell them because that doesn't help me at all.
I hate saying it so I pretty much don't, unless someone asks and then it's the million questions that follow and my mind is kinda empty right now. Nah it's not empty it's dizzy with crazy thoughts half the time and good thoughts the other half.
I just got out of the hospital yesterday after having to go to the ER on Thursday for some serious pains related to the hysterectomy. Those five days were pretty bad!!!!!!!! I was soooooo ready to go home and I thought I'd never get out of there.
Oops gotta cut this short here comes my cousins :)
Back at home
Nov 30, 2008
My surgery went well. They removed my uterus and took everythang that goes with it and I'm doing pretty good. I don't have stitches she put some type of glue stuff on my incision and it's healing nicely. My surgery was on a Wednesday and I was home by Friday. God is good all the time.
So now we wait for the pathology report to see how much chemo and radiation I will need. How come they sent my report to Mayo Clinic? That shit ain't cute. It's something really wrong for them to send it there right? Whatev, the devil is a liar and I will be victorious in this here thang too!!!
I am going stir crazy though wanting to just hop in my car and ride the hell wherever I want to go but I'm taking it slow because I don't want any setbacks.
I went to church today though. I had to get my praise on. He brought me through this surgery wonderfully and I am blessed and grateful beyond words. Faith is the evidence of things unseen. Yep my mantra. Gotta have faith man!! Without it I'd be jacked up for real!!
Thanksgiving was cool. Very quiet and small dinner with mom, my brother and his Godmother. I was super bloated still from surgery so I didn't eat much, which is always a good thing right? Oh yeah I've lost 12 pounds since surgery so hells yeah, go me!!!
The only thing is my aunt died a couple of days before Thanksgiving. She had been really sick these past few weeks and now she is at peace. Thank you God for Dimple Donna *Donna knew my aunt for years and years* and she was there for my family at the drop of a dime when my aunt was making her transformation. She and the other deacons sang and comforted my uncle and cousins when they needed it the most and I am so grateful for that beautiful woman of God. They both have told me how wonderful she was to them and how blessed they were that night/early morning.
Be blessed yall.
This journey continues...
One more day
Nov 17, 2008
I'm on a liquid protein diet for 2 days per my gastric bypass surgeon. No oral laxatives for me. Waaaayyyyy too harsh for the system. Today is day one and so far, so good. I'm just craving some crackers though to go with the chicken broth that I had a couple of hours ago. It's kinda easy when you stay busy, which I have been, so I'm looking forward to see what the scale says after two days of only liquids.
These past few days I've been cramping a little more than normal but it only lasts for about an hour or so, then they are gone. WEIRD!!!!
I can't wait to get this over and done with. Praying for the best.
Oh yeah last week when I went to do my pre-surgery testing my bloodwork came back wacky as hell and they made me get a blood transfusion and if my blood count doesn't go up my surgery will be postponed. I was like are you serious? It was relatively painless though and it took about 5 hours. Just getting that damn IV started is a bitch and a half. I hate those freakin' needles man!!! But I guess my blood count went up cause they haven't called me to say anything else. *Fingers crossed*
Happy Early Thanksgiving everyone!!
The journey continues...
