Amy W.

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February 12,2005-Alright, now ive lost 69 pounds!!!!!!!!! I ABSOLUTLY POSITIVLY ABSOLUTLY ABSOLUTLY LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE life right now!!!!!!!!! I have a good job, and an acual life! And im acually happy!!!! This is the greatest thing thats ever happen to me so far!!!!!!!!!!!

January 1,2005- No way! I cant believe its January 1, 2005!!! Its just so weird to me!!! Anyways, today i weighed, and i've lost a total of 48 pounds!!! 2 more pounds and ill be at the 1/2 century mark!!! I made a deal with my sister that when i lose 53 pounds, i can go get a donut! Bu now, i dont even want one! It will just give me diarreha and slow my weightloss!!  I am SO proud of myself!!!!! I love me!!! For breakfast yesterday, and this morning i had a low-carb Slim Fast and their good when their really really cold!!!! A normal slim fast has like, 33 grams of carbs and alot of sugar!!! But this low-carb one only has 6 cabrs, 1 gram of sugar, and has 20 grams of protein!!! PERFECT for me!!! I cant finish a whole one yet. Im only 7 weeks out!

January 7,2005-Oh my gosh!!! I havent seen a difference in my appearence yet and i JUST realized how different i acually look! Look at my pictures at the bottom! Right now i've lost 51 pounds in 8 weeks, but that picture was taken almost 1 month post-op (-38 pounds) so i must look even different then that! I took some pictures today! Let me get my camera and put them in here!

January 13,2005- Hi! So on Monday (the 10th) My dad and I drove to Delano, which was 4 hours! Then had my 5 minutes appointment with Dr.K. Then turned around and drove 4 hours back!!!!! MISERABLLLLLE!!!!! But i've now lost 55 pounds! Im SO happy! People are really acually noticing!!! I feel so good about that!!!!! I cant believe im losing so fast!!! This is SO fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

December 22,2004-Hello everyone! This surgery has made me a miserable bitch. I feel so bad for my family and people who make me even alittle bit angry. Its seems like most of the time im depressed and mean because i dont have my food to comfort me. On the upside though, i've lost 44 pounds! But on friday morning, i was sitting on my bed, listening to music, doing my makeup, just like every other day, and then i sneezed! And im pretty sure i got a hernia! I called Dee and she said to call my PCP, so that same day i had an appointment and my PCP said i need to have a CT-scan. And im like, "UM...will i even fit in there???!?!" Because i've never had a CT-scan before!!! And she said the weight limit is 300 pounds, and now im 275, and thats cutting it kinda close!!! Today at like, 3:30-4:00p.m. i have to call my doctors office again and see if this other doctor will write a perscription for a CT-scan because MY PCP wont be there for another week! And im like, "I am NOT sitting here in pain for a week for nothing!" But i guess i have to if the other doctor wont fill it out! But anyways, when they write it, they have to fax it to the hospital (where i have to have the CT-scan) and then i get to make an appointment, and i BETTER get an appointment like, for tomorrow because this hernia HURTS! If this really isnt a hernia though, it better be something that doesnt need to be fixed with surgery! I just fuckin' recovered from the most painful thing ive EVER had to go through! And now im gonna have to have surgery again 2 months later!?!? Um, NO! Well, ya, if i HAVE to! But im dreading it ofcourse!!!! This surgery is so hard to deal with. And its SO hard to do the right thing! And ofcourse i just HAD to have surgery at the yummiest time of the year! I take a bite here, a bite there, a couple bites everywhere! I feel so guilty! But its just SOOOOO hard!!!!! And a couple days ago i got over a week 1/2 long platue. However you spell it. That sucks. During this past month and a 1/2 (the whole post-op time so far), i've thrown-up a coouple of times. Its so nasty. Ill update after i have my CT-scan to tell you how it went!! I cant believe Christmas is just a couple days away!!!! WEIRD! It doesnt seem like it at ALL!!!!

December 29,2004- Im going to cancel my CT-scan because im not in pain anymore. Well, not physically anyway. But im fu**ing pissed that im losing so slow. I dont exercise yet but im only like, 7 weeks out! I should be losing ALOT more then this! I stepped on the scale and it says in 273. Ok, i weighed in like, a week ago and i was 275. I should be losing a bit more faster then that! So that means i now lost 46 pounds. I have to start curves. But theres something blocking me from doing that. I dont know what it is. Im so scared to take that first step. Maybe because its something SO new to me. Im starving. What should i eat for breakfast? An egg perhaps? Im DYING for pizza. Ofcourse i wouldnt eat that! Especially since now i see i lose weight as slow as snails run! OOOOOOH! I think i know why im not losing. I keep drinking this "NO sugar added swiss miss hot chocolate". And i thought it meant there wasnt sugar, and then i look at the box, and it says 7 grams of sugar AND carbs. Whats up with that?!?! Drinking anything else makes me SICK to even think about! What am i going to do?!?!?! This surgery is so hard!!!! Damn it.....This sucks.  Oh well...atleast im losing....right? Im going through too much shit to only be losing like, 2 pounds a week. I hope the scale is wrong. I need new drink ideas. I've tried almost EVERY acceptable drink and they all make me GAG! Wow....this is very dissapointing to me.......in the beginning i was drinking crystal light all day and now it just makes me sick to even think about! Im so hungry im about to die. Ill update later. Bye!

December 30,2004- So um, i officially hate myself now...Im doing all the wrong things! Someone needs to come over here and kick me in the ass! Whats wrong with me? My appointment with my surgeon is on January 10, and if i dont get my shit together im going to feel like i let him down!!! Im about to cry...im SO mad at myself because its so hard to do the right things! I have to join "Curves" too before i go to my appointment. Hmmm... Im gonna go there and ask how much it is a month tomorrow or something.  I have to get my nose pierced again anyways tomorrow because it closed up during surgery. Well, i guess i can just call...Let me see if i can find a curves website and see whats going on with them.

November 3,2004-Oh my gosh you guys! Yesterday Dee called me and said that now my medical group is trying to say they dont know if their going to approve me or not! I flipped! But i tried not to show it on the phone. Anyways, so i had to wait till this morning for the news on if they approve me or not. And they did!!! So now surgery is still ON!!! Woo hoo!!!! My dad and i are leaving tomorrow morning!! Im still not nervous at all. I sure i will be when im about to go into surgery!!! But we'll see! I cant believe its acually happening!!! Surgery is Friday, so if i dont update before tomorrow before we leave, i just want to say thankyou to EVERYONE who prayed for me through my whole 11 month journey! Through ALL the ups and downs!! Thankyou everyone!!!! It means so much to me!!!!!!!! Here i go to my new life!!! Wish me luck!!!!!!!!

******************SURGERY NOVEMBER 5 2004******************

November 12,2004-Im back! Im officially a post-op, and at this point im really trying to figure out what the hell i was thinking when i was got this surgery. I guess everyone goes through that though. Im tired. Ill write later.

October 15,2004-Hello everybody!!! I finished all my pr-op tests over a week ago and sent everything (the clearences) into Dee! I cant wait till surgery day!!! We're(me and my dad) leaving here for Delano on November 3! So we'll be on our way in 19 days!!! AHHH!!! IM SO EXCITED!!!!

October 17,2004- 17 more days we leave!!!!!!! 19 days till surgery!!!!!!!!!!NO WAY!!!!!! Ill be on the losing side soon!!!!!!!

October 29,2004-Hi everyone!!!! I keep forgetting to update, but here i am! And only 1 week exactly from surgery!!! It hit me a couple hours ago that this is the last weekend that i'll be on the normal side!!! By this time in 7 days my whole life will be totally different forever! Well, probably not my WHOLE life, but you know what i mean!!! Anyways,Im still not nervous AT ALL about having surgery, so im thinking im weird. But i know ill be nervous a couple days before surgery!!!! My dad and i decided instead of leaving the 3rd, we're gonna leave the 4th. So we're leaving in 6 days. And when i wake up tomorrow, only 5!!! AHHHHH!!!!! This is a dream come true! It still doesnt even seem real!!!! I cant even imagine how fun its going to be post-op!!! HOW FUN!!!!!!!!! What an adventure this is going to be!!!! Anyways, ofcourse ill update before surgery too!!! Bye peoples!!!!!!

September 2, 2004-Hello!!!! Yesterday i had my cardiology appointment and Dr.Tsang said I have to have an EKG so i made an appointment for next thursday for that. And today i had my sleep test consult and im going in for a sleep study in approximatly 2 weeks. Then 2 weeks after that one i have another appointment at the same place to discuss the results. 18 more days till my consult with Dr.Keshishian!!!!!!!!! woo hooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

September 11,2004-Well, the EKG was cancelled because of a "family emergency" so my appointment for that is now on friday. Todays saturday, so 6 more days. OH! I forgot to tell you that yesterday i made my phyc exam for Monday! Ofcourse i have to pay $100.00 for that 1 hour, and then $50.00 for the time he spends writing the clearence letter. But its totally worth it to have a new life and acually be happy for a change! My consult with Dr.Keshishian is in 9 days, but we're leaving in 8 and staying at a hotel that night because its like, 5-6 hours away. Im so nervous!!! I dont know why!!! Please somone pray for me!!!!

September 13,2004-Today was a my phyc eval and i was SO nervous about it ALL day! But when i got there it was fine!

September 21,2004-Yesterday was my appointment(consult)!!!!! Everything went great and my surgery date is December 2 for right now. If i can get it approved with-in a couple weeks then it'll be sooner then that. So thats why im not really excited because I dont think December 2 is my ACUAL date yet!

September 23,2004-Hola everyone! lol!!! Im so excited!!! This morning my sister handed me the phone and said "Its for you" And it was a lady from Dr.K's office and she said that she was making up the report to send to Healthnet, and she wanted to know if i wanted open of Lap! Im just so excited!!! I told her i wanted open! Open to me is so much better because ill have a better chance of getting approved since lap takes like, 3 1/2 hours, and open is only like, 2 hours or somthing. Open is just better for me. So she said ok, and we hung up, and i was just SO excited all day about it! Because i feel im at the end of the road on this whole surgery process. Im SO ready for surgery!!!!!!

September 26,2004-So now i just wait. I really hate waiting for stuff, but i guess i have to obviously. Im sick of just reading about how everyone else has had surgery already. I want it to be my time!!!!!!!=(

September 30,2004-IM APPROVED!!!!!!! Dee called this morning to tell me! And then i asked her when she sent in the approval papers and she said YESTERDAY!!!! basically i got approved with-in a day!!!!!!! IM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!Oh ya! And my new surgery date is November 5!!!!!!!!!

August 1 or 2(i dont know....im pretty sure its the 2nd),2004-Last week i found a surgeon contracted with healthnet who does DS but hes not in my "medical group" which is alta bates. how annoying!!!!!!! But i called chris(the referral guy at my doctors office) and he sent in the referral to healthnet to see if we can get it passed. i WISH! but, the only problem is that he's in Delano which is 7-8 hours away from alameda. (where i live)  Anyways, tomorrow's monday and im gonna call chris to see if he's heard anything from thema nd if they dont pass the referral for the conciltation i think im going to ball my eyes out. ill tell u guys what happens. Bye for now!!!!!!!

August 7,2004- When your about to have weightloss surgery, doesnt it seem like your always waiting for somthing? well, you are. and i hate it. waiting SUCKS!!!!!!!!!! i've been waiting since the beginning of january and STILL dont have a sturdy hopeful foundation. HOW ANNOYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im going crazy!!!!!!!!!!! On Monday i should know if my conciltation was approved for Dr.Keshishian but im hoping its not approved because its 7-8 hours away and i reeeeeealy dont want to spend hundreds of dollars just for transportaion. It would be ATLEAST 160.00$ roundtrip. how ANNOYING TOO!!!!!!!!!! gosh.....when will i hear the those precious magic life-changing words "You've been approved for DS"??????? I mourn for it!!!!!! ITS ALLLLLLLL i think about.  Oh ya. I found out the rabkin brothers (in San francisco) at contracted with Alta bates(my medical group) but through blue cross. my insurance is Healthnet. I talked to the office guy (at the rabkins office) and he said that i have a good chance of getting approved since my BMI is 52. BUT, If i get approved, healthnet wouldnt pay all of the surgeons fee. so i could be stuck making payments for years on 12,000.00$. Um....another option please? lol! BUT. The Rabkins are among the best surgeons on this earth. So i know it'd TOTALLY be worth it.I've never in my life wanted anything so much in my ENTIRE LIFE then to be thin. normal. happy. to be able to buy jeans that arent 50-60.00$ just because they need more material. I just went to Lane Bryant last week and bought 2 pairs of jeans. 100.00$!!!!!! For 2....pairs.....of jeans......come on now! How rediculous!!!!!!! I need to buy more pairs of big Velour pants for surgery. Even though i have NO idea when its going to be. Or who my surgeon will end up being. Or if i'll get approved. Oh my gosh....sitting here right now wasting my life...getting bigger...it makes me sick! WHY CANT THINGS JUST GO MY WAY FOR ONCE!!!!?!?!?!? Like, why cant things start to look up? When i started this in January, my PCP said "Now we get the ball rolling..." Well, the surface must be flat because the "ball" hasnt moved for 6 months....well, it has...but still no sturdy foundation on this thing....Im so depressed. All i can do right now is wait for Monday to come(todays saturday) and see if healthnet has approved my conciltation request with Dr.K. And if they have, i have to like, fly there. how fucking stupid!!!! this whole thing is rediculous. why do other people have it so easy? well, good things come to those who wait....

August 10,2004-YOU GUYS YOU GUYS YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yesterday i found out i got approved for the conciltation with Dr.Keshishian!!!!!!!!! So then i was worried about how im going to go there all by myself because im only 17(ill be 18 on august 30) but still, thinking about staying in a hotel room by myself freeks me out!!!!! So i asked my sister and her boyfriend if they would go with me and they said YES! They said it was going to be like a fun road trip!!! im SO excited!!! I cant believe i didnt think about asking them yesterday! I thought it up today when they came over! IM SO EXCITED!!!!!Then i called Dr.K's office and made an appointment for September 20,2004. They only do the consults Mondays and Wednesdays.Anyways, so we're going to leave Sunday(the 19th of september) then get a hotel for 1 night, and then the next day ill have my appointment from 9a.m.-3p.m. and then we'll drive home! IM SO EXCITED!!!!!!It sounds far away but it REALLY ISNT!!!!!!!!!!! Its only a month and 10 days!!! So like, 5 weeks or so. Thats going FLY by!!!!!!!!! THANKYOU everyone who prayed for me to get my consult approved! It worked!!!

August 22,2004-My birthday is in 8 days!!!!!!!!(ill be 18) this is going to be the greatest day of my LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!

August 23,2004-Alright. Minor problem. I need over 2,000.00$. Well, thats not really minor.LOL! Its a BIG problem! Well, see, im getting a job when im 18(i have to be 18 to work where i want to work(at my brothers school) ) And so that in 7 days. I need to pay the 2,000.00$ for the "after-surgery-appointments" because insurance wont pay it. they dont see those as "medicaly nessacary". Sorry. i cant spell. Anyways, so i was thinking about what i can do so i wont be having to pay this off for years. Like, should i get a credit card? And charge it? Or should i just get a loan? Im so confused. Whats the best thing to do? I'd much rather have a credit card with a 3,000.00$ limit because i need 2,000.00$ for before surgery. 250.00$ for the co-pay. And money everynight for the hotel. On the 7th day after surgery ill have to go back to Dr.K's and get my drains out. But i get out of the hospital after 3-4 days, so i need to stay in a close-by hotel for another 3-4 days after they release me. So thats another couple hundred for the hotel. SO im going to need about 3,000.00$. I wish i would have known i was going to Dr.K and needed to 3,000.00$ before i went and blew it all on Jack-in-the-box and Mcdonalds!!! lol!!! wait...thats not funny.....im so ashamed. Anyways, im gonna go check my email and see if Dee emailed me back! Till next time!!!
P.S.=Pray for my approval!!!!!!

August 24,2004- Guess what?!?!!? IM SO EXCITED!!! I emailed Dee and she said that if i get a phyc eval, and a nutritional eval, then on my appointment on september 20, ill get a surgery date!!!!!! AND, i already had nutritional consult thing, and i made an appointment with a phyc and then i cancelled because we didnt even know WHAT kind of questions he was suppose to be asking. So i said ill make an appointment when i find out and he said when i call, he'll be able to make an appointment with me for a couple days after! I emailed Dee again and asked her if the nitritional consult thing counted since it was so long ago (well, only 7 months, but still....) SO ill update when i hear back from her! Oh ya, and she said that when we're making my appointment then i will probably be able to get an appointment with-in 2 months!!!! 2 months FLIES by! IM SO EXCITED!!!!! SO if it really is 2 months then we're looking at surgery in November! Oh my gosh. IM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!

July 2,2004-Alright. Heres whats going on. I went to my appointment with my PCP to discuss the pre-op stuff on wendsday with her and she ordered all the tests and said to call back friday to see if we got the referrals approved. So i call today and then i get the OK to make an appointment for a pelvic ultrasound, an abdominal ultrasound, and a cardiology consult thing. So i made them. Im having both the ultrasounds at the same time and thats going to be on on tuesday(in 3 1/2 days) And i cant wait to get them done so i can check them off on my "pre-op testing list". How fun!!! But i have to wait to do the cardiology thing till august 18. So thats like...almost a month and 1/2. But thats ok because i have to be 18 to have the surgery anyways and whatever, because you already know all of that stuff if you read everything above this post. Anyways, we're still waiting for the OK from the insurance company to schedule the sleep apnea test. im pretty sure its going to be at Alta Bates summit medical center. i REALLY hope i hate Sleep Apnea because it'll make the insurance company approve me faster.lol!!! Anyways, I now weigh 312. What is going on?!?! I mean, i know whats going on (i eat way too much because my stomach is so stretched and i dont get full easily and i dont exercise because im too tired and weak all the time to even walk around the block! I hate moving around.lol!! Anyways, i have to lose 31 pounds really fast! well...not really fast bcause i have 3 months or somthing. I guess i have to go and secretly take diet pills and act like im doing the weightloss thing all on my own. i just CANT! Its WAY hard!!!! Anyways, i'll update later! Bye for now!!

JUne,4,2004- Oh my gosh, i HATE tonight. I went out looking for some fireworks and you couldnt even park along the like....3 mile beach because there were cars EVERYWHERE where there were spaces, and then i wante to go to the main part of the beach, and the gates were closed where you park! i guess they didnt want anyone to party there or somthing....anyways, so then i drove away and almost started crying because i realize i hate my life right now. i hate being so big and i hate not having any friends because i've pushed them all away slowly. i hate not having confidence and not having a life...i HATE my life!!!!!!!!

July 5,2004-Oh my gosh you guys......i can NOT even lose 1 single pound! how am i suppose to lose 31?!?!! (for the 10% of my body weight) I keep eating everytyhing in sight and i just can NOT control myself what-so-ever!!! I mean, thats how i got to be 312 pounds in the first place! And im sure i just gained 2 more pounds because i just mindlesly ate 20 mini cinnamon-sugar cookies from "Mrs.Fields" on the drive home from the mall and i feel so discuting!!!!!!!! How am i going to lose 31 pounds?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

July 9,2004-Today i called the UCSF bariatic program to see if my conciltation is still approved (even though they changed the whole program) and this automated message started and said that NO ONE will answer the phone until the whole new program starts which is going to be on September 1!!!! Im like..."whaaaaaaat!??!?!?!?!!!" So i called every UCSF number i had and finally somone answerd and said that i have to call the surgery department. so i did, and she said that the surgeon who was the bariatric surgeon wasnt going to be the surgeon anymore!!!!! im again like, "whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?!?!?!!" She said that September 1 is when everything will be setteled and people can start making appointments again and the new surgeon will be working there and stuff! you better believe im gonna call RIGHT when they turn the phone lines on, on september 1!!! I'll make an appointment for in september if i can! I wonder exactly how many week i have of weight watchers left?.....I think its 2 months and 3 weeks. So basicly 3 months. So...ill make it in september even though i have WW until like, the beginning of october so i have a chance to get ahead! And, i still cant lose any weight. i just have NO will power at all!!! having to lose weight is MURDER!!!!!!!! what am i going to do?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

July 27,2004-Alright you guys. I decided i did NOT want RNY because everyones gaining their weight back and BP/DS would be MUCH better, so im looking for a surgeon contracted with healthnet that does it but i cant find ANYONE!!!! let me call healthnet. Ill write what happens later. Bye for now!

June,3,2004-Oh my gosh you guys....tomorrow is my first ever pre-op appointment and for some reason, im nervous!!! They just said their gonna ask questions and stuff, and i think their gonna do some testing or somthing...but...i dont know..i'll update tomorrow! wish me luck!!!!!

June,4,2004,-Well...It took like..4 hours,but it didnt even seem that long! She gave me a physical, and i spoke with the nutritionist,and we talked about ALOT of stuff about eating and food, and she said that before surgery, she wants me to go to weekly meetings with a GOOD phyciatrist or somthing, and keep going to my weight watchers meetings, and then if surgery is somthing that i still think is the best option for me(like...towards the end of the year) then she said she's behind me 100%! But when she started talking about me and my dads issues,i started crying. i tried SO hard to hold it in but i just couldnt. the tears just came out. I guess i was crying because my dad doesnt respect my decision and believe in me...i dont know. I took in alot with-in that 4 hours. But anyways, I have another appointment July 23 at 10:00 a.m. for a follow up and for them to see if i lost a couple pounds or somthing...she said i have to have all this testing done, AND a sleep apnea test, so that was basiclly the whole appointment...

JUne,8,2004-You know what i just thought of?!?! Im still on the waiting list for a conciltation with another hospital. Its at UCSF. Im gonna call them and ask them how long it would take to get an appointment, because they said in like...february that they'd call me for an appointment in June/July. And well...obviously, its june.lol! Basicly, the pre-op appointment i went to Friday, the lady said to put weightloss surgery "on the back burner". like...she doesnt want me to think about it right now. and well...Im SO obsessed with this surgery that theres NO way of even thinking not to think about it! I've been just trying to get an appointment since January!!! And now i finally get one and she says to forget about it for a couple months. thats obsuerd!!!!!!!!!!!!!I dont know how to spell obsured, but thats what it is!! Oh ya, one of these soon days i have to go and take all these tests. i think its just blood work for me or somthing and then they test for all this stuff. i dont know. but its a test for diabetes and tons of other things! Oh ya, and then i have to call the lady who i had my pre-op appointment with and ak her who i call to schedule my sleep apnea test. i think i have sleep apnea. my mom said said i snore really loud and wierd.

June,14,2004-Im bored. So i think i'll write stuff. Lets see...whats going on? Well,friday(its sunday today) i called UCSF because i wanted to see where im at on the waiting list. but no one answerd...and so im gonna call tomorrow and see if they answer. i've been on the waiting list to get an appointment since like...february...and now its June...um...UCSF needs to kick it up a notch! all i've been doing for like, a week, is trying to find out more stuff online about UCSF's bariatric program. Like, everyones presonal expiriences and stuff like that. its really fun to kow that your hearing expiriences from people who had the same surgeon your going to have and the hospitl your going to stay at! Im soooo bored!! I cant wait till tomorrow because i really really want to know when their gonna call me for an appointment. When i was first put on the list i think there was like, 200 people before me.lol! thats SO rediculous!!! they need to get more surgeons or somthing because that is unacceptable!!! dont you agree!!?!?! Anyways, they said that for an appointment, they'd call me in June or July. I think i already told you that but oh well....Anyways, its June 12 2004, and im stiiiiiill waiting! I wonder how people make their profile all pretty...*thinking* thats what i need. Well, no i dont, because i doubt i'm the only one that's ever read this.lol! I cant picture somone else reading al of this an being interested because nothing's reallt happend yet and already it looks like i've written a book on here!!! lol!!!! Wow....anyways, i cant wait to be post-op! how fun! it'll feel SO wierd to know that i've probably waited a year for this(by that time...its already been like,5 months), then all the sudden BOOM! I can call myself a post-op and see how it feels to have my own expiriences and not just read everone else's! Anyways, im gonna go look up more things about UCSF! I'll write soon!!! Bye for now!!!!

June,15,2004-Oh my gosh you guys! I've had a headache since 3:00 p.m. and now its 10:01 p.m.! Its because I went to the Oakland Zoo today with my brothers class(hes in kindergarden) and it was SO hot! and i HATE heat!!! But i wore my hair up and a visor, but still, we werent even in the acual sun for along time, but still...too much sun for some reason! im just really sensitive!! Anyways, i keep forgetting to call UCSF to find out where i am with my appointment thing. (When their gonna call me to make an appointment) I totally keep forgetting and then i remember when their already closed. Dont you hate when that happens?! Its just been really hectic since its the last week of school. Well, my brothers school but im a BIG part of the class room(literally...lol!!!!!) So i've running around all week with field trips and getting ready for the last day, AND we have graduation on friday(its tuesday night right now!) I cant believe how short this year went!! Anyways, o0h! i lost 2 pounds at weight watchers!!! yay me!!! =D I'll write later!!bye!!!!

June 17,2004- I called the coordinator at UCSF today to find out where im at on the waiting list, and she said "hold on" and never came back! I was just sitting there for like, 10 minutes just watching t.v. and she never came back! So i hung up and called again and it rang and rang and she didnt answer. it was her answering machine. On the answering machine it said she wont be able to take calls every tuesday(i think) and thursday, and today's thursday, but....i dont know. whatever.lol!!! I'll call ALL day tomorrow because if i dont, i'll have to wait ALL weekend, and theres NO way im going to because the weekends are boring and long enough without the slowing down of time to make it worse....anyways, Bye for now!

June 18,2004- Today was my brothers kindergarden graduation.how adorable!We just got home. Alright, im about to call UCSF right now to see where im at on the waiting list again! Let me get the phone,ill be right back!Im gonna write everything that happens while im on the phone so you know whats happening! Ok, here i go. 1-415-502-6016.......Its wringing.OH MY GOSH!!! Guess what?!?!?! As of July 1st, there not going to be dealing with ANY of the pre-op stuff, and she said shes going to send me these 2 papers with all the requirments that i have to do, and then when i get them all done, i go to my PCP and then she orders all the pre-op testing, and then its surgery time! I dont know weather to be happy or angry! Let me think if this is a good thing or a bad thing.....*thinking* Ok its a GOOD thing because she also said that i'll be able to get an appointment ALOT quicker. Im mad though too because i've been on the waiting list since...*checking my date book* It says my conciltation was approved February 23, and i've been on the waiting list for a conciltation with dr.ostroff since march 1,2004. oh my gosh...its been like...3 months and 17 days just to get an appointment....and i still dont have one!!! well...im not going to have one anymore anyways!! How annoying...Anyways, So Leslie Tucker(coordinator) said she'd send those 2 papers and 1 has the requirments on it and then i just have to do all my pre-op stuff, and then its surgery scheduling time!!! woo hoo!!! Well, that wont be for a long time because i think the requirments are still that you have to lose 10% of your body weight....I said to her "arent the requirments online too?" and she said "well, they are...but their SO old their not the same ones as i have here on these new ones." so i just have to wait till i get the mail and get my letters!  Oh wait....i think you have to only do 1/2 of the 10% of your body weight, and then have the surgeon appointment, and then you schedule surgery like...a month or somthing after that, and in that time, you lose the other half of the 10%. anyways, i better get started! lol!!! ill write later!!!

June 23,2004- Ok,yesterday i got the requirments from UCSF. They said that i had to lose 10% of my body weight and do all of these pre-op tests. So right now im trying to lose my 31 pounds but its SO hard to not eat what i want. OH SO HARD!!!! Anyways, today i called my PCP's office and made an appointment for wednsday, June 30,2004 at 11:00 a.m. Im going to give her the lists of pre-op tests and then she has to order them i guess...(thats what the coordinator said). Speaking of coordinators,When i went to my appointment at Stanford, Dr.Peebles said i need a sleep apnea test, but i dont know what to do to get it! do i go to my PCP? i dont know. I'll call Dr.Peebles and ask her how i go about getting the sleep test. o0h! its going to be SO fun!! I dont know why....lol!!! Anyways, so i'll try to lose some of my 31 pounds, and ill call and ask about my SA test, and i'll go to my appointment on the 30th(1 week from today) and i'll update soon!!! Bye!!!!

June 26,2004-Oh my gosh you guys....i HATE waiting for stuff!! I cant believe i have to wait until the 30th for my appointment! Todays the 26th, but just waiting and waiting is taking forever! After i go to my PCP to have the tests ordered and stuff, i have to acually DO all the tests, and then i have to lose my 31 pounds and THEN i can go to the surgeon. wait! no i cant! I have to have 3 1/2 more months of weight watchers too or the insurance company wont cover it! Oh my gosh.....waiting sucks! But i have to wait 2 more months until my birthday (august 30,2004) because UCSF says you have to be 18 to be operated on. But thats ok because i was going to wait till i was 18 anyways because i know my dad wont sign for the surgery for me because hes against it anyways. So right now it looks like im not going to be havnng surgery until October.Because i need 3 1/2 more months of weight watchers or insurance wont approve it(says Stanford). But im going to apply for surgery right when i turn 18 and have ALL of the testing and 31 pound loss done because who knows? Maybe they'll be like "Well...she went to weight watchers for a whole 4-5 months, and lost the required 10% body fat(31 pounds), so maybe we should approve the surgery! wishful thinking! hey! it could happen! Oh ya, and today i kept calling Alameda Hospital's sleep study department and they STILL wouldnt answer. So finally someone answered and said that i have to call back on Monday after 8:00 a.m. She said that they were never in 1 place at a time...that they were always walking around the hospital helping and that i should leave a voice message. But i left a voice message on friday morning so they should have called me back before the day ended, dont you think?!?!?! i do!!! lol! Anyways, im just SO impatient! Anyways, i'll write to you what happend on Monday and what they say about the sleep test! Oh wait, 1 more thing. I was doing SOOOO good on my diet ALL day, but then i couldnt resist going to Jack-In-The-Box and got my favorite chicken bacon sourdough thing with large fries and a large coke with no ice, and i got my brother a jumbo-jack, but then he was being mean to my other brother and i said he didnt get it anymore so i had 3/4's of that burger too! im SO mad at myself for doing so bad today. =( Losing weight is THE hardest!!!!!=(

May,6,04-Hi everyone! Well, the approved the conciltation, and guess what!? It was for the wrong doctor! They approved it for Stanford, but im having it at the childrens hospital connected to it. So i called the coordinator and told her, and she called my doctors office and took care of it! She said she recieved all of my paperwork, and the appointment for June 18th is still on. I have a strong feeling that someone's gonna drop out of their appointment(and/or reschedule)and Susan said if that happens, that im the FIRST one she'll contact and see if that day/time is good for me! Anyways, I went to weight watchers yesterday and that went fine.Except i gained 3 pounds in 2 weeks. I felt kind of dumb, but im not even acually doing the diet, im just going to the meetings to make the insurance people happy.Maybe i'll get into the mood, and want to acually do the program. I mean, i highly doubt it(lol!) but "never say never!" Anyways, im gonna go to subway.MmmMMmMMMmm. YUM! i always get the foot long turkey breast,lettuce,onions, and tomato! YUM!!!!!!! I'll write later! Bye!!!!

May,7,2004: I really want all the insurance stuff to be over, and ALL the preo-op stuff(testing and stuff) and i just want to be waiting for the day of my surgery. Unfortunatly, that wont be for another 6 or 7 months, and all because i have to go to weight watchers for 6 months. =( this sucks! but i guess i have to do it or the insurance wont cover the surgery. Anyways, i just wanted to check in and say that the conciltation on June 18th is still on! I'll update soon!!! bye!!!

May,8,04-Hi! Im bored and i just wanted to say that i forgot to tell all of you that June 18th is a big problem for me for the conciltation. I dont know if i mentioned this yet, but thats the last day of school. Well, i dont go to school(i do indipendent study) but im at my brothers school everyday volenteering(he's in kindergarden) and the whole class if like my 2nd family! And i cant not be there!!! I cant believe this! i PRAY someone cancels their appointment so i dont have to go on June 18, but if it doesnt happen, then i dont know what i'll do!!!!!! The day before the appointment, i was thinking about staying in a hotel because the place is an hour away or somthing, and i've never been there, so it'll probably take me like...3 hours! lol!! my appointment is at 8:45 in the morning, so i think it would be best to stay at a hotel the night before. But im only 17, and i dont even think they'll let teens get a hotel room. will they!??! I dont know. but i know that my dad would never let me stay at a hotel by myself in a million years!!!! i dont wanna do it anyways, but....well....i guess i'll just have to wake up at like...4 in the morning. oh my gosh, thats unheard of! lol!!!!! Anyways, i'll keep updating ofcourse!!!!!bye!!!!

May,10,2004-Hi!!!!So i just found out today that my conciltation got booted up!YAY! Now my new conciltation date is June 4!!Instead of June 18!! It got switched because...wait! you know why! i told you in the post before this one that June 18 is the last day of my brothers school, and...well just read that section in the post above this one if you havent already! But anyways, so Susan said now i get to have it June 4. OH! And she said i didnt have to bring my parents, because when it comes time for surgery, i'll already be 18, so I can sign everything and stuff!!! How exciting!!!When i turn 18 (August 30) i'll still have like....2 more months of weight watchers to go, but ill probably be done with all my pre-op testing and all that stuff! how fun!!!!!! Anyways, im SO releived that i dont have to have my mom and/or dad coming with me because they are against this, and they dont think i deserve it. they think im just some lazy girl that sits and eats all day. I really dont know why they see my like that, but....well.....its really just my dad. But my mom thinks i havent tried enough weightloss methods and i disagree, because she doesnt even know all the stuff that i've tried. So anyways, oh my gosh! im SO excited that my appointment is 2 weeks sooner, that i just HAD to come online and tell you!!!! Anyways, i just got a digital camera and am taking pictures of everything like crazy! I'll try again to put pictures on this website if i figure out how to this time! lol!!! Goodnight!!!

May,20,2004-Alright you guys, i need to think up a plan because i know my dads will NEVER let me drive to my appointment by myself. He doesnt even want me to drive out of Alameda. There NO way he'll let me drive an hour away! But im stupid cause i already told my mom that my apt. was June 4, so now i have to think up a lie and tell her it got booted back to june 18, just so she wont think its the 4th anymore, and then i can sneek off by myself early in the morning. i dont see how im gonna do that! Wow....what a big mess this is to plan going by myself. Oh my gosh....thats my dads day off too! What the F**k!?!? Im mad now! But wait...he'll still be asleep before the time i leave because i have to leave at like..7 in the morning! My appointment's at 8:45 a.m. and hour away and i really dont know how im gonna find it. I mean...im going to print out directions from mapquest, but im gonna be SOOO scared by myself. I cant even explain it.....Anyways, i'll write later! Bye!!

May,22,2004-Alright. The plan is set. I told my mom she BETTER not tell my dad that my appointment is June 4! And she said she is because she didnt want me driving an hour away by myself because ofcourse, she wants me safe. So she said check out if the train goes straight to Stanford. So i checked, and i couldnt figure all this stuff, and i was all confused, but it said it'll take 2 1/2 hours on to get there, and since my appointment is at 8:45 in the morning, um...theres NO way im getting up that early!!! So i printed out the direction going by car on Mapquest.com and showed my mom, and she said it seems pretty easy, and that i could go and she wont tell my dad that im going. You know how i help out with my brothers school everyday!? Well, if he asks, im just gonna say i have to comes early because they need help finishing setting up the stage for the talent show. Because there really is a talent show that day that im REALLY mad that i have to miss but hey, what can ya' do? Anyways, so thats the plan! My appointment is in 13 days! im so excited!!!!

May,22,2004-Alright, after i wrote the post above, my mom told me that my dad already knows my apt. is June4, and he said he's taking me wether i like it or not! They dont want me to drive alone. But i dont want him to be in there with me, and i told my mom that, and she said, "I know! I'll tell him that he cant be in there with you if you dont want him to...he supports you now..." And then i said "He doesnt support MY decision, he supports that you dont want me to drive alone!" And she said "No, he forbids it! But he see's that your surgery is gonna happen, so he supports you." So...i dont know. Im glad he's coming, but im NOT letting him in the room with me. I'll call him from to my cell phone to his when im ready to be picked up, so...thats the new plan.