Moving To AZ
Dec 19, 2013
I am moving to AZ next month. I am so worried about my skin. I already get at least one infection a week. My skin hangs almost to my knee. I just don't know what I will do if I start getting them more often. It is so painful already. My NM PS told me that she will not remove my pannis until after I am done losing weight. Merry Christmas everyone.
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Feeling Better
Jun 25, 2013
So I am feeling a little better. I saw Dr. Acosta on Friday, he was pleased with my weight loss. In fact this is the first weight loss he has seen from me. When he first took me on after my first surgeon ran away I weighted about the same floating between 10 pounds on any given day. He was happy with that. He said that his original opinion that I would lose 50 pounds may have been low and not to be surprised if I lose more. He also wants me to wait until about a year before having my excess skin removed. I am not sure if I will wait that long, time will tell. I am still unable to keep mushy food down but the Dr wants to wait for 2 more months before getting a dialation done. I just wish I had more energy and did not get so dizzy.
I finally truly believe that I will some day reach goal.
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Revision to the Sleeve
Feb 18, 2013
So I am going to revise to the sleeve. I am unsure how I feel about this new step in my life. The Insurance feels like my band is a failure because I lost my original 80 pounds from day of surgery and stopped. It does not matter that I have lost 120 from my highest weight. Yes I still get sick with my band. I am still exhausted from lack of food I stay around 900 or below calories. I thought I was getting 1000 to 1200 but once I started writing it down I was getting only around 850. I have tried to increase it but it is hard to eat more and not throw up. I still get dizzy and tired. Most days I can barely keep my eyes open unless I take my Phenteramine. I am a little worried about the complications but know that I must move forward.
I swear if anyone ever tells me the WLS is the easy way out I will slap them across the face. It is far harder to take the path that we have chosen. We may lose the weight and keep it off but with that fabulous prize you must carry several bags of luggage, adding a new one from time to time. Sometimes the load gets so heavy but there is no one there to help you. We can talk it out with each other and with those who have no clue but in the end we are alone. Food may no longer but our best friend but it continues to control our lives whether we know it or not. Instead of shoveling it in we are counting it, weighing eat, trying to eat more of it, or a little less of it. We may not love it in fact I have begun to hate it. I hate that I have to eat, I hate that no matter what I do my body will not allow me to lose the last of my weight. I hate that I will now be on my FOURTH W.L.S. Really I have had to have 3 and now I will be on my fourth and I am still not where everyone wants me to be. I am okay with how little or big I am I just wanted the skin cut off.
I never wanted to be a supermodel I just wanted to be healthy and have enough energy to run after my kiddos. I love being a Mom more than anything else in the world. I love my children more than anyone in this world. As I always tell my little man the only one I love more is God and Jesus then he adds the holy spirit. He is my first miracle and his sister is my second miracle. I am so happy to be their mom I am truly blessed.
Hopefully my approval will come through soon so I can get this show on the road.
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Still at 240
Jan 25, 2013
No weight lost still linger around 240 pounds. I hope that the plastic surgeon will remove the 40 pounds of excess skin leaving me near 200 or below. I will be happy. I just want the skin rashes to go away. I am also hoping to have a breast lift, they are horrible the way they are now. Hope all is good with everyone.
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Happy with how I look -- Almost!!!
May 18, 2010
Okay so I am 40 lbs away from where I need to be to have my skin removed. I am looking forward to being able to wear jeans or pants without looking like I have a huge saggy ass hanging out for the world to see. This journey has not always been easy but I am still very glad I did it. I would do it all over again.
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Heavy Heart
Jun 18, 2009
My heart hurts lately. I guess that is all I can say. I am really confused I am upset that I am still at a stand still but I am also relieved. I am so afaird of getting smaller. I am happy I am not as fat but I am so afaird to be smaller. I went through an horrible trama the first and only time I was thinner. I know that I am older and that I can protect myself. I know that it does not make sense but that is what I am feeling. I am having trouble sleeping and I have been throwing every solid thing I put into my mouth up. I know it is because some part of me want to sabotage myself so I eat bad things and I can not stop but the other part say stop this, its okay your okay you do not need this food and out it comes. I feel like crying right now. I am so confused and my throat hurts from throwing up so much. I am so confused. I am trying to get into see a Dr. but she is out of town until the end of the month. I do not want to hurt my band, I do not want to lose my band. I am just hurting. I will get through this I always do. I always survive even when I do not see the light at the end of the tunnel. If anyone reads this please pray for me. I need alot of prayers right now. I am praying but I feel so lost right now,
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Only down 3 lbs in a month
Jan 23, 2009
So I have only lost 3 pounds since the 19th of last month. I wish I could get another .25 cc taken out. I am still a little too tight but the Dr's nurse seems to give me a hard time. I have been recovering from strep and have been on liquids almost all week I ate solid protein last night and guess what out it came. I also started my p last night so nothing seems to be going my way. I have not had anything to eat today and so I'm throwing up water. I am just a little down. My house is messy because I have felt awful all week and it does not help that my dish washer is broken. I am just stressing out here. I hope I can lose 10 pounds before the 15th of Feburary. I wanted to be below 200lbs by my b-day in June but I am having a hard time believing that is going to happen. As much as I love my band I hate it just as much.
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Down 70 lbs Unbelievable
Dec 19, 2008
I am in shock, I have offically lost 70lbs. Friday's are my official weigh day and I can not believe that I am really down to 252 lbs. I don't remember how long it has been since I was this small. Having a 1 cc unfill is so much better. I am a little worried about my mind though. I got so used to throwing up that right after the unfill I had a hard time not throwing up. I had to think in my head, I did not overeat, I have room. I know it sounds stupid but it is habit forming and not healthy in the least. I am just really amazed that the band is working and I am losing the weight. I have 102 lbs to go but its ok I can see the light at the end of the tunnell. I will succeed, I will overcome. I really believe tha the band my have saved my life.
I give all the glory to God, how amazing that he never leaves or forsakes us.
MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR.
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Finally, an unfill
Dec 12, 2008
Okay, so I finally have a slight unfill, I had at least 1 cc taken out. When the Dr. went to take some out some of the fluid came out so he took everything out and put 6 cc back in. I do not know if my orginal surgeon had primed my band or not either way I am very happy. I am being careful not knowing how much I can eat now. It is weird because I get hungry now and it is kinda a bother. But at the same time I don't want to eat as much now that I get that hunger feeling. I think that is strange. It is like I threw up all the time I wanted to eat because I could not and now that I can eat a litte I kinda resent it. I still need to do more excersing and drink protein drinks, I am working on it.
Finally, I can see a Dr.
Nov 25, 2008
Okay, so I am feeling like crap yet again. I wish I did not feel so yucky all the time. My head hurts, my stomache hurts, I throw up all day. I am freezing all the time. What is wrong with me. I am really excited that I get to see Dr. Acosta next week for the first time and he can take some of this fluid out of my band I will not throw up all the damn time. No more acid reflux, I am really looking forward to this.
