Heavy Heart

Jun 18, 2009

My heart hurts lately. I guess that is all I can say. I am really confused I am upset that I am still at a stand still but I am also relieved. I am so afaird of getting smaller. I am happy I am not as fat but I am so afaird to be smaller. I went through an horrible trama the first and only time I was thinner. I know that I am older and that I can protect myself. I know that it does not make sense but that is what I am feeling. I am having trouble sleeping and I have been throwing every solid thing I put into my mouth up. I know it is because some part of me want to sabotage myself so I eat bad things and I can not stop but the other part say stop this, its okay your okay you do not need this food and out it comes.  I feel like crying right now. I am so confused and my throat hurts from throwing up so much. I am so confused. I am trying to get into see a Dr. but she is out of town until the end of the month. I do not want to hurt my band, I do not want to lose my band. I am just hurting. I will get through this I always do. I always survive even when I do not see the light at the end of the tunnel. If anyone reads this please pray for me. I need alot of prayers right now. I am praying but I feel so lost right now,

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About Me
Gilbert, AZ
Location
33.5
BMI
VSG
Surgery
03/04/2013
Surgery Date
Nov 01, 2007
Member Since

Friends 22

Latest Blog 30
Finally, an unfill
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