butterflyxlife
My parents taught me from a young age, to eat everything on my plate. Often they would give me adult portions rather than kid-sized. I never realized there was a difference until I grew up and my friends were having kids. Silly perhaps, but true.
I've had a host of medical maladies, from cantaloupe sized ovarian cysts, to torn ligaments in my knees, broken leg, major medical depression, and most recently, my battle with Leukemia.
Throughout the years, I have tried what feels like everything. From regular exercise with gym memberships, proportional eating, Body for Life, Diet Pills, No-Carb Diets... and it just.. never mattered. With exercise, I never lost weight, merely size, which I was ok with, Eventually, however, even with increased exercise I was gaining weight back.
It didn't take long for me to begin equating food with weight gain.
My highest weight ever, was 380 lbs. in 2005. In 2006, I began losing the weight by starving myself until I reached 330 lbs. It was shortly thereafter I was diagnosed with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia and went from 330 lbs to 260 lbs. in two weeks. In a sick way I was happy at losing the weight, although not thrilled with the means.
My battle with leukemia is not over, but I achieved remission 4/20/2007.
Throughout chemotherapy, I maintained a weight of 290 to 300 lbs. It didn't matter that I barely ate, I gained weight still. The more I ate, the more I gained weight.
Since 4/20-07, I have gone from 302 lbs, back to 350 lbs, without doing anything extroardinary, while eating "healthy", not overeating, watching my calories, and walking for exercise.
I am tired of it. I am tired of being 23 and feeling like a circus clown for people to gawk at. I'm tired of being so self-conscious of my weight. Of not being able to breath, of my back hurting all the time, or my hips, or my knees and ankles.
I don't want to trade in Leukemia, for a heart attack, or a stroke, or Diabetes, or Heart Disease.
I don't want to have battled leukemia, just to have a low quality of life because of my weight limiting my activities.
I am ready to do whatever it takes~ And I don't want to have to starve myself and hate food in order to do it.
