c5felsspirit
VERY, VERY BAD GIRL
Jul 30, 2011
I have been a very very bad girl this week! THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG!!!! Let me explain NOT make an excuse. Ok yeah its an excuse.....I had a very rough week with my last remaining child at home, she is a senior this year. I have been having issues with the new band director and his wife all summer long. I have just felt like they are picking on my kid. It came to a head in a 4 hour meeting between parents and teachers and principals this week. In which the outcome was not very good at all.
Since then I have been extrememly depressed and hurt and angry. So has my daughter.
I spent ALL day Wednesday at the school board and then at an attorney office as I am DONE FN WITH THESE BULLIES!
But I have fallen into a very deep depression. I did not get out of bed Thursday or Friday. I cried most of both days. My head and heart hurt. I didnt work out, eat, take my meds, take my vitamins, drink anything, get out of my pjs, take a shower. NOTHING...... until late late last night. I ran to the corner store and bought a pack of smokes and a lighter.
I quit smoking on Feb 1, 2011 and have done extremely well not having one. But late last night I did have my first one. To be honest it made me feel worse. It didnt taste as good as I remember. It made my stomach turn. BUT it was oddly calming to me.
I have said to my hubby that EVERYTHING I did has been taken from me.... Food, Smokes, Alcohol, and sex (whole other story) sorry tmi...... there is NOTHING that can be taken from me left. Its not that I necessarily WANT those things. Its that I hate watching HIM do most of those thingsand I feel left out.
Anyway I feel bad for him I really do. He is dealing with our daughters and me and the school and the attorney and he is working too. So he is taking on alot right now. But emotionally I can NOT do it anymore.
I did this surgery for me and when I can not follow the rules because I am emotionally drained and cant function something has to change.
So this morning I got up. Put on something clean. Took my first round of meds. Ate some protein pudding. Drank a whole bottle of water. And stared at a pack of cigarrettes, but not had one. I am still not up to moving much being as I can tell I am dehydrated. Maybe tonight I will go swimming for a bit but right now I have to figure this out.
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About Me
lake cormorant, MS
Location
29.3
BMI
Surgery
05/31/2011
Surgery Date
Mar 23, 2011
Member Since
