the good, the bad, and the emotional

Jun 23, 2010

I just had surgery last Monday. I swear everything happens all at once. My hubbie got a call from his new employer after I made my 1st appt with my surgeon. His old company put everyone on part time, and took away health ins. Thankfully my daughters & I have medicaid (we are disabled), my hubbie can go to the VA, but that left my son uninsured. Anyway $ was horrible, shuffling bills, and now hubbie has a new job. He is an over the road truck driver again. He didn't want me to cancel the appt though, so I went. The PA was out, so I saw the surgeon on the 1st appt. The next day I got a call from their office saying he had a cancellation, and gave me a surgery date for 2 1/2 weeks out. WOW!! I was soo nervous, what was I going to do with a hubbie gone, he was still on training pay, I have 3 kids (2 are mentally disabled), and my mom who was always there for all of my prior surgeries (ortho, hysterectomy, etc) passed away in Dec from cancer. I miss her soo much, we were very close and always took care of each other. Still hubbie said to go forward with the surgery. My mother in law offered to come stay with me to care for the kids while I was in the hospital, and a little while after. I was weary of the situation because she isn't great with kids, but again hubbie (Ray) said not to cancel. Ray came home the night before surgery, he got a kidney stone, and 2 of my kids started throwing up. Crap... I picked up the phone to cancel, but Ray took it away and said if I wanted to cancel because I no longer wanted the surgery, then fine, but not to cancel because of the situation, because there is never going to be a "good time" for it.

Surgery went well, I had my gallbladder removed too cause I had stones. I started getting calls from my MIL the next day saying how awful my kids are being, that her blood pressure skyrocketed all of a sudden, and a lot of bull----. she is a constant liar, I caught her in a few over the phone while on my morphine! I came home after 2 nights. She picked me up and I suggested she go home, get some rest, and get her blood pressure down, and then come back. She walked into the house, grabbed her (packed already) bags, said goodbye to 2 of the kids and RAN out of the house.

Thankfully I have an electric scooter, so I was able to get my son to school, my girls ride the bus. Friday I went to the basement to do some laundry, and couldn't make it back up right away, I had the kids bring me down a chair, book, and drink, lol. All of a sudden I heard lots of glass shattering above my head and my daughter screaming. I FLEW up the stairs. She was fine, the dog bumped into the hutch and my glasses went flying. I was in a LOT of pain. I sat, made a call, and my brother & a friend came and cleaned the glass and helped me and the kids into bed.

Saturday I took my 12 yr old to the psychiatrist and found out why she has been isolating herself for the past 2 months. She is hearing voices again telling her to hurt or kill herself or to run away. She doesn't want to but is afraid that the voices will win out. She didn't tell me because as she said "you have too much to worry about already, mommy". (of course I let her know over & over that she is not to worry about me, she needs to tell me these things). So a friend dropped us off at the ER, and took the other 2 kids to her house. We spent 25 hrs in the ER. I was hurting after sitting in the chair all day, they gave me a "recliner" after I started tearing up. My friend talked to someone, and next thing I knew thee was another stretcher in the room for me to sleep in overnight. They found a child psychiatric hospital with an open bed the next day for her. I rode in the ambulance, and my brother picked me up. The hospital is 1 1/2 hrs away.

I decided I need to start driving on Monday, 1week after surgery... too much going on. I hadn't used pain pills since the flying up the stairs episode on Fri. Now when I am in pain I use ice packs, it works better, starts immediately, and has no side effects.

I am not getting enough protein, calories (don't even know how much I need), fluid, or even sleep in. I had a great day Monday, even fit in a walk, but then couldn't sleep the past couple of nights due to stress so don't have the energy for anything. I was able to drive to see my little girl yesterday at the hospital. I can't wait to see Ray, I miss him soo much. I don't know how I am still holding it together, but so far I mostly am, but afraid because I am not getting enough nutrition in with everything going on.

I am lucky I have not had any major complications since the surgery. I was sensitive to the tape in the steristrips, so they had me take them off, and I have constant runs from having my gallbladder out. I figured out quickly for the first few days home I couldn't drink anything refrigerator temp. Frozen, room temp, and warm were fine. Now I can do any temp. The paycheck is still getting messed up because of all the kinks that need to be worked out, so I am stressing about that. (Having a negative balance in the bank will do that to anyone)

Thank you to anyone who is still reading this, I just needed to vent. I am feeling alone, and extremely overwhelmed at the moment. I am still glad I got the RNY, because I am on the right track to a healthier me. I need to find the time to heal though and to make sure I get healthy.

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