I See The Light (but is it a train a-comin'?)

Jan 22, 2011

Well, eight days of pre-surgery diet down, two to go, then it's surgery day--whoop whoop!  It's my daughter's 20th birthday, and if you would've told me three months ago that today I'd lovingly be making her an Oreo birthday cake with rainbow chip frosting while I happily sip down my protein drink, I'd say you were smoking crack.  Or I was smoking crack.  But, the good news is, things change, whether we initiate the change or not, and I'm starting to look at food in a new way.  OMG, could food actually be for sustenance and not pleasure?

This journey has been a long one for me; most recently, a year ago I gave up a heavy daily beer and moderate cigarette habit.  Everyday after work and before I would go to bed, I'd happily pound down 15--YES FIFTEEN--Coors Lights and smoke about seven Marlboro Lights.  Well, actually, at the end I switched to Keystone Lights because 1) they're made by Coors, and 2) they're cheaper.  (My contribution to saving money in this sucky economy!)  And after I'd get myself plastered every night, I'd inhale down a big, 2,000+ calorie plate of deliciousness so I wouldn't be "hungover" in the morning.  Dear Lord!  I'm lucky morning came at all!  I had a million reasons why I used this method to alleviate my stress and anxiety, just like we all have a million reasons in today's society, but that still doesn't make it right or even flipping sane.  So, one day (January 15, 2010, to be exact), I put my (literally) big girl panties on, set down the beer can and cigarettes, and haven't looked back since.  (OK, maybe I peeked a few times, but nothing I saw in my wake looked appealing enough to start the nightmare all over again.)  I took one day at a time.  When I felt like crap, I investigated why instead of getting wasted to forget about it.  It was a long road, but I made it.  PRAISE GOD AND THE DISCOVERY HEALTH CHANNEL.  If I can quit beer and cigarettes together, cold turkey, and survive, I can survive anything I put my mind to.

Now I'm getting ready to embark on the next fabulous journey I've set my sights on---the wonderful world of bariatric surgery and all that it entails.  BRING IT ON!  I'VE RAISED TEENAGERS.  YOU CAN'T SCARE ME!  I am beyond thrilled and excited to have gastric sleeve surgery in two days, 15 hours and 47 minutes (but who's counting?).  I am thankful for the opportunity, glad my insurance is paying for (most of) it, and truly grateful to live in a time where this weight loss tool is an option for people like me.  The reasons why I became obese are clear to me now.  Am I going to use my new tool (VSG) to the best of my ability?  You better believe it.  I'm ready to become the person I want to be and live my life the best I can, for however long that is; hopefully, a long, long time.

Cari
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Need to keep my (double) chin up

Jan 10, 2011

My VSG surgery is 15 days away, but it feels like years.  Why do the days go by so s-l-o-w-l-y now that I have my surgery date?  Three weeks ago, I was all fired up and practically bouncing off the walls with excitement over my decision to have WLS. 
Initially, I wanted the LapBand; but after attending my bazillionth (and last!) "informational" seminar, I changed my mind to RNY.  I was mainly afraid of the dumping syndrome and digestive problems associated with RNY, but the surgeon explained this only happens when more than six grams of sugar per serving or too much fat is eaten; plus, I didn't want to be discouraged with the LapBand's slower rate of weight loss or deal with multiple band adjustments since I live 70 miles away from my WLS doctor.  What I really wanted after leaving the seminar was the VSG, but was told my insurance (Anthem Blue Cross) wasn't covering this procedure yet.  I'm ready to do whatever it takes to get rid of this excess weight, and the LapBand procedure seems like it would just prolong my obesity (and misery).

Once submitted, it took less than a week to receive insurance approval for the RNY, and now it's game on!  About 10 days after being notified of the approval, my doctor's office called and said my insurance would cover VSG surgery if I still wanted to go that route.  Woo hoo!  I'm soooo excited!  Sign me up.

Problem is, I'm losing my groove.  Is it normal to feel discouraged at this point?  I don't even know what I'm discouraged over.  I have an upper GI coming up this Friday, which sounds worse than a Brazillian bikini wax, but at least there will be drugs involved.  Thank God and Versed for that.  Once I'm able to leave after this procedure, my husband has strict instructions to proceed directly to the nearest Starbucks where I will order my last (until who-knows-when) Grande Upside-Down Caramel Macchiatto.  I plan to make love to and cherish this last Starbucks treat all the way home where I will lovingly say goodbye to and recycle my cup and sleeve.  Time for a new sleeve, I guess.

The next day (Saturday), I get to start my pre-op diet.  I had my head all set for this diet, but over the the past week, I've seemed to have lost my umpfh about it.  Don't get me wrong--I'll do the diet and be glad to have the opportunity to do it, but I'll admit I'll have my pouty face on.  On one hand, I feel like I'm grieving a death that hasn't happened yet; on the other, I'm excited for the impending birth of new-and-improved me.  For now, I think I'll take one day at a time and try to fully live each last day with my old body and old habits, and try to focus on a new optimism.  The best is yet to come.

Cari

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About Me
CA
Location
30.6
BMI
VSG
Surgery
01/25/2011
Surgery Date
Jan 07, 2011
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