I See The Light (but is it a train a-comin'?)

Jan 22, 2011

Well, eight days of pre-surgery diet down, two to go, then it's surgery day--whoop whoop!  It's my daughter's 20th birthday, and if you would've told me three months ago that today I'd lovingly be making her an Oreo birthday cake with rainbow chip frosting while I happily sip down my protein drink, I'd say you were smoking crack.  Or I was smoking crack.  But, the good news is, things change, whether we initiate the change or not, and I'm starting to look at food in a new way.  OMG, could food actually be for sustenance and not pleasure?

This journey has been a long one for me; most recently, a year ago I gave up a heavy daily beer and moderate cigarette habit.  Everyday after work and before I would go to bed, I'd happily pound down 15--YES FIFTEEN--Coors Lights and smoke about seven Marlboro Lights.  Well, actually, at the end I switched to Keystone Lights because 1) they're made by Coors, and 2) they're cheaper.  (My contribution to saving money in this sucky economy!)  And after I'd get myself plastered every night, I'd inhale down a big, 2,000+ calorie plate of deliciousness so I wouldn't be "hungover" in the morning.  Dear Lord!  I'm lucky morning came at all!  I had a million reasons why I used this method to alleviate my stress and anxiety, just like we all have a million reasons in today's society, but that still doesn't make it right or even flipping sane.  So, one day (January 15, 2010, to be exact), I put my (literally) big girl panties on, set down the beer can and cigarettes, and haven't looked back since.  (OK, maybe I peeked a few times, but nothing I saw in my wake looked appealing enough to start the nightmare all over again.)  I took one day at a time.  When I felt like crap, I investigated why instead of getting wasted to forget about it.  It was a long road, but I made it.  PRAISE GOD AND THE DISCOVERY HEALTH CHANNEL.  If I can quit beer and cigarettes together, cold turkey, and survive, I can survive anything I put my mind to.

Now I'm getting ready to embark on the next fabulous journey I've set my sights on---the wonderful world of bariatric surgery and all that it entails.  BRING IT ON!  I'VE RAISED TEENAGERS.  YOU CAN'T SCARE ME!  I am beyond thrilled and excited to have gastric sleeve surgery in two days, 15 hours and 47 minutes (but who's counting?).  I am thankful for the opportunity, glad my insurance is paying for (most of) it, and truly grateful to live in a time where this weight loss tool is an option for people like me.  The reasons why I became obese are clear to me now.  Am I going to use my new tool (VSG) to the best of my ability?  You better believe it.  I'm ready to become the person I want to be and live my life the best I can, for however long that is; hopefully, a long, long time.

Cari

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