Christmas 2010 3 years and 6 months today

Dec 25, 2010

I am glad I did the surgery, I had alot of other medical problem that did help me. I start at 377 and today i am 280.  I been a very slow loser, but it my own fault. I had my right ankle fused and left knee replaced then redone.  I seen other people lose so much and I feel like a true failure.  But I am keep trying to lose more. I am able to walk a mall, Now I am able t exercise alot better.
I wish we had a lot more education about food. It been hard on me and my family, my daughter does not understand why I had the surgery and other people had it and lost 150-200lbs.  I want to be able to hike, rock climb, swim, enjoy going out again.
I heard so many story where it the person fault because they failed. i own my blame, I blame myself. The one think I started is going to therpy to see why I did eat, why I feel way I do, I think it will help me. To be able to talk to someone. My dr. that did my surgry made me feel like I was the worst patient ever. he never listen to me at all. I was a failure to him. Since that appt I never when back. i know I should go back to see him  that my appt are important but why go just to be made fun of, I can stay home and get that.
Why is it that Dr, do not look at people asa person, not the same as others. So people are different, we loss different.  with out anyone helping me I will make it, it my take me another year or so but I am still losing.
that my christmas to me, I promise myself I am doing this for me. I know I need help and I am willing to ask for it.

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