CarolynK

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It will be 7 years on March 13 since I have had my surgery.  I went through a whole lot of grief with the evisceration and the humongous hernia Babette.  I was 360# on March 12, 2007 and I am now down to 142# which is almost a normal BMI  I still would like to lose another 5#  The first 5 years I had gotten down to between 160-170  bounced around that area and I was happy.  after all I had lost 50% of myself.

Then last year, I got a silver sneaker card from my insurance company and joined Curves for free.  I am now going 4-5 days a week (I am retired) and enjoying the heck out of exercising for the first time in my life!

I have learned the hard way that I can't think of my eating as a diet, you can cheat on diets.   Instead I think of myself as choosing a healthier way of living. You can't cheat that way and feel guilty and then (gasp) overeat some more because you just stressed yourself out!    Instead I make good or less good choices.  And for the less good choices if it is something I crave, I don't run out and get it. Instead I give it 1 week, if I am still craving it, I go out and either buy it or get stuff to make it.  Take it home and then give myself another week and if I still want it, I will fix it.  It usually doesn't get that far but I am actively making a choice not just reacting to a feeling or craving.

I have 3 sisters a niece  and a nephew that have had weight loss surgery; my sis had RNY like I did and my niece and nephew had the sleeve.  Would I do it all over again, you better believe it but I would have liked it more without complications.

The only surgery I had for excessive skin was having the panni removed while doing the hernia repair.  I have batwings big enough to fly without the plane.  Spanx and support hose keep my thighs and calf pulled together.  Yes it would be nice to get rid of it and maybe fix my quadruple AAAA long girls, but I can't so, just wear them as a badge of honor.

 

 

I haven't been here in a few years, have gone on with life.  I had a 10+ pound gain somewhere along the line, then held to it for a couple of years.  I was able to get a free Membership to Curves and joined their complete program, which got me back on tracking my food and putting protein first and exercising 4-5 days a week and now I have lost 36 pounds since Feb and feel great!

 

Babs is gone but I still have a smaller basketball in her place.  I am working on getting those muscles tightened up but not sure how well that will go.  No matter what I have gone from a size 3-4X down to a 10-12.   

 

Even with my complications, I have 2 sisters, 1 niece and 1 nephew who have had the surgery as well.  They are all doing good and that will be their journey to tell.

 

This has been a very strange year.  I had my hernia Babs for most of it and she was repaired along with a TT in Sept.  Of course there was an infection in my incision that took a bit to clear up.  I was on O2 from the surgery for a couple of weeks. But all in all that is over and done with.  I am glad Babs is where she belongs and my tummy is flatter.  Still have swelling above where belly button would be but that will go away.

Along with Babs and her demise, it has been a year of very mixed "blessings"

1.  I quit smoking again and hopefully for the last time

2.  I had my very first great grandchild (Aly)

3.  We gave my baby sister a week in Las Vegas at our time share for her 25th anniversary and when they came home she told us her Hubby has moved out, not because he wanted to but because she made him choose, his floozy or her.  He couldn't have both.

4.  I found out my youngest was going to have a planned baby, Dahlia and she is due on her B'day Valentine day.

5.  As I said, Babs was repaired and I am now cleared for exercise

6.  My oldest daughter let me know her hubby had moved out.  Don't know it all yet but they were together for 16 years.

7.  I went on my first vacation since surgery and out walked my Husband in Nashville!  Yipeeee, then out walked him again at the Atlanta Aquarium and then at the Biltmore Estate!   I have never out walked him!

8.  I had an honorary Great Grandson, Tucker,  he would have been a great nephew if I had stayed married to my first hubby, but instead his mom was more a grandchild, she was raised with my grands and has called me grandma most of her life!

9.  My baby brother  has just been diagnosed with Lupus, we will have to wait and see what happens here.  He is in misery and is afraid.

These are just the highlights of the year.  There are other things that have gone right or wrong but not as major.

I have not lost weight this last 6 weeks but I have not gained with vacation and holidays.  It is time to get back to basics and the exercise will definitely help.  My whole family is thrilled with my progress even though it has been a rocky 20 months.  I can't say I would do it again the same way but if I could do it without the infections I sure would!  I am in much better health and I am more able to help my family emotionally and be there for them during their rough times.

Happy New Year to all!

Other then the fact that I don't keep this up as much as I could, it has been a great couple of months since I last wrote!

The infection in my incision from hernia repair/tt cleared up and other then a small spot that still oozes a tad it is closed!  I still have a lot of swelling above where the belly button would be if I had one, but I hope it will eventually go away.

And here is the best news and an awesome Christmas present. With my 2ndry insurance being what it is, I have straight Medicare.  They do NOT pre-approve anything!  You have to have the procedure done and then keep fingers crossed.  With my TT the surgeon's were optimistically cautious on whether they would pair for the whole thing.  Well in my snail mail yesterday I received my Medicare summary and they paid!!!!  That means that my BCN will pick up the remainder and I may have a few office call co-pays to pick up! 

Now for those who are curious, Dr Algahnan in Flint, Mich would have only charged me $3000 for the tummy tuck since it was being done in conjunction with the hernia repair.  But that is $3000 I can now put to wards my arms and breast lift!  I want to wait about 18 months before I have them done though.  I have had 3 major surgeries in 18 months and would like a break

I had a few weeks here recently where I was fighting head hunger!  I haven't really experienced much of it since surgery, just a little now and then.  But this was major 24/7.   I think I am past it now (I hope) it will be there on and off forever, I am sure but boy this was rough.  When I stop and think about it, I have a feeling it must be stress related.  I was still recovering from surgery, it was near the anniversary of my Dad's death and shortly before the anniversary of my Mom's death.  My baby sister who I almost raised, is having marital problems.  The jerk she is married too has a girlfriend he met online.  He wants her to accept it and keep things as they were.  She is not that stupid, but it is not easy for her.  She was a stay at home mom and now needs to find work to support her and her 4 boys.  He says he will help but he is part of the Chrysler UAW and who knows how long he will have a job.

Then my oldest daughter who has been happily married for 18 yrs let me know her hubby walked out!   Shock city!  He was great with her and the kids.  Sure they had their ups and downs, who doesn't but no one expected this!  Yup there is a woman involved.  She is just a "friend" but he has already introduced her to their son!   Again this is a situation where he was the main bread winner and she worked for the extras.  Again he says he will help with money, but for either sis or daug, how long are the jerks' g/f going to put up with the majority of the money going to someone else? 

We are not in a position to be of much help to either of them financially.  With both of us retired and our 401K"s took a major hit, we are concerned about our own finances, especially since we are retired UAW and may take another hit!    No we don't make what folks think we do!  We had to plan and save responsibly to get to where we are now.  It is NOT company money that gets us these things, it was ours!

Anyway, this is probably a large part of the hunger, STRESSED is dessert spelled back wards!

Another thing that I have discovered that brings on the urge to eat mindlessly is boredom and nothing to do!  We recently went on vacation for 3.5 weeks.  We  spent a week in Branson Mo, 1 week in Nashville Tn, 1 week in Villa Rica Ga, and then a couple of days in the Smokies.

Now Branson and Nashville were no problem at all!  We were busy it seemed like 24/7.  I didn't always eat "Right" but I didn't eat totally wrong.  Georgia though.  Gasp!  It was supposed to be a quiet week, restful and not doing much.  We did check out the Atlanta Aquarium and Coca Cola but other then that it was just lounge around.  I had taken books with me, my DH laptop and thought I would work on some graphics while there.   Guess what?  The graphics wouldn't open on his lt and I didn't have the stuff with me to repair the program!   I also didn't have Internet access.  The place we were staying didn't have it!  Gasp!  Nothing to do but read and watch TV!  Food demons attacked!  They lost but it was a battle!

I am proud to say that I didn't gain anything on this vacation!  I didn't lose anything either but that is OK as long as I didn't gain!  Now to keep it up during the holidays.

It is a bit harder then I could imagine, since I don't "dump" on anything but the riches of the rich.  But the fact that I follow the protocol helps a lot!  Protein first, then veggies.  Measure (I eyeball a lot) and don't drink with your meal.  Do not snack except at the appropriate times and then make sure you keep the volume the right size.

Now on to the other great Yippee!   I walked and walked and walked on vacation!  I actually out walked my DH in Nashville!  We started at AM and went until PM!  Granted it wasn't continuous walking.  We started at the Grand Old Opry Convention Center where they have acres and acres of shops and Christmas displays.  We browsed the shops and displays, got lost  a couple of times and kept on going!  We did NOT stop for a rest here or a meal  even though DH was hinting!

Then we went over to the ICE show.  How the Grinch Stole Christmas.  WOW is all I can say!  It is awesome!  It is all done in ice sculptures and they keep it at 9 degrees!  At the end of the Grinch, they have the nativity scene carved in ice.  It was one of the best things I have ever seen!

After that we walked over to the Grand Old Opry house and checked around there.  We couldn't go in because the Rockettes were playing and we didn't want to see them.  We have seen them before and were trying for new things.

Then we went to the Mega Mall they have there.  Humongous for a mall!  Here we stopped to eat at the Aquarium restaurant.   DH did need to eat by then (he is diabetic)  I of course had leftovers, a lot of them.  What I ordered came with something that didn't agree with me so I picked at the stuff that I could have and DH had supper out of my take home box

Now I checked out more stores then I have in a long time!  Since I now wear a size 10 pant and large top (batwings take a lot of room!)  DH kept saying, are you sure you don't want to rest?  Nope not me.  You go sit down while I explore

What a great feeling that was!  Of course he still walks "faster" then I do but he has legs for a 6 ft man and I am 5'2"  so I need to take 3 steps for his 1 !  But for endurance, I had him beat hands down! 

What I can do now is compared to before is just amazing!  I am so happy with my health and physical ability!  I just can't believe it!  I am afraid I will wake up and find I have been dreaming.  I can start exercising now!  And even though I have never been much of an exerciser, I am almost looking forward to it!

So even though the last 19 months have been rough, I am still so very glad I had my RNY.

Boy, my body just doesn't like getting messed with !  The vertical incision is infected and I have Staph infection there.  I am on Bactrim but it is too soon to tell if that is helping.  But if it is not clear by Mon, I will be admitted to the hospital for IV antibiotics.

I am getting more comfortable each day now.  And if it weren't for the ooze and the culture, you wouldn't know I had an infection.  I don't feel ill or anything.   Just tired out yet, but I figure a lot of that is from the surgery yet.

The day of surgery, I wore a pair of pull on jeans to the hospital in Women's size 1X.   Last week I went out and bout 2 pair of cheap pull ons (tummy still real swollen) in a size 12!  Unbelievable!

I should be able to start doing some real exercise in a few weeks and that should tighten things a bit.  But I am afraid the batwings and the girls are not going to tighten up enough for me.   I will self pay, hopefully the beginning of 2010.   The butt and thighs, well support garments are good for something! 

I am still happy with my RNY.  No major problems other then loss has stopped, but there is no gain, so I am happy.  186 pounds is nothing to sneeze at.  That is a tad bit over 1/2 of me gone!   Success!

Babs left us on Sept 23rd at noon.  She is being missed by no one at all!

Both surgeons were pleased with the surgery but I had a few problems after.  I retained enough fluids to interfer with my breathing so I was in ICU the first 2 days.  I finally went to a room but I was still on O2 and came home with it.

I am most definately sore, after all this is the 3rd major abdominal surgery in 18 months!  But the vicadon is handling things.  I only need to take 2 during that day, mid morning and mid afternoon and then 2 at bedtime.

I still have my JP drains but hopefully they will come out Monday.  Yesterday and today I barely emptied 20 ml each for the whole day!

I did spend Wed in the ER.  My right leg and foot had become really swollen.  I didn't think it was a blood clot but wanted to double check.  It wasn't.  They also checked for pulmonary emboli and that was good as well.  They are checking out things with the heart because it did take so long to get off the O2 after surgery and the swelling shouldn't have stuck around so long, they say.

They did find out that I was anemic and that my thyroid is enlarged.  I see PCP this week and we will deal with that then.

I am having a small problem eating though.  It could be a good thing or not, I haven't decided yet.  I can barely eat 1/4 cup of food at a time at 18 months out.  I actually have felt the "uncomfortable full" feeling that I never wanted to remember, so I am back to measuring carefully again.

I have also had the foamies for whatever reason 3x now in last 32 hours and they aren't related to eating recently, usually a couple of hours after.  Strange.  But liquids are going in good and I have added protein shakes back to pick up the slack until this either passes or I see the Dr.  But for now, I am putting it down to post-op eating.   Even folks without WLS will sometimes have problems eating for awhile.

I am doing my best to take it easy here at home.  I don't want a repeat of last March!

But I have to tell you!  I can see my toes!  I can see my thighs!  I can see areas that no one other then me, dh and Dr should ever see!  My word!  Even with all the surgical swelling, I haven't had this tight of a tummy in well what seems like forever!

I am going to try to get pics of new tummy after drains are out and get new Avie after the Holidays.  I like to play too much during the Holidays to get a serious pic up    But I will add pics to my photos.

Even though this has not been my best year, I truly think  I would do this again if I had to.  I am so much better off in the long run.

Well, it is less then 24 hours and Babs and family will be gone!  High noon tomorrow, Sept 23!

I can hardly wait!  I have waited so long to get rid of this hernia, it isn't even funny!   I will not have to wear a binder every day anymore (maybe for awhile after surgery but that is doable)  I won't have to do the potty dance every time I need to go!  Hopefully I won't have this god awful back pain, or if I do, I can do PT for it, which I can't do now!

I will be able to see my toes again!  I have lost a whole person and still can't see my toes!  I have a few other body parts I can't see, that will be visible again!   There are so many plus's to having this surgery tomorrow.

But I have to tell you, I am scared spitless!  I keep seeing myself 18 months ago, with my guts hanging out and then a month in the hospital with IV's and all the pain and everything.   I suppose this is normal to be concerned.  I know that the odds are against this happening again, but the odds were almost nil on my eviscerating myself to begin with!   Odds are really odd in my family.

I have lost so much time due to Babs and family that I won't be able to regain.  I have not been able to exercise much.  Bedrest for almost 4 months and then walking only for the next 14 months.  That was my prime losing time and it is gone.

I still lost a whole person, but imagine what I could have done if I had been able to be up and about right away!  Well there is nothing I can do about it now, except go on.

I have hit a 6 month plataeu and not happy, but at the same time I have not gained which is a bigger plus!  But with Babs going and they are doing TT/Pannectomy, I should lose a few more pounds.  And then I will really be able to start exercising.   So it will take a bit more work to get to my goal of 150.  My surgeon seems to be pleased with me now.  But I would like to try to lose a bit more.

Even if I don't, I am NOT a failure.  I have gone from a whooping 360 pounds at my highest, to 184 now(give or take 2 pounds for time of day)

That is NOT a failure!  Yes I am still obese at 5'2" but I have to remember I started out bigger around then I was tall! 

Complications and all, I would do it again.  I am so much healthier then I was 18 months ago!  In fact, things have turned around to the point that I will no longer be considered disabled!  And I am on SSD for my lungs!

It has been a wild ride, but I am so glad that I took it.  I have so much left to live for and now I have the health to live it!

I am still a work in progress though.  There is still much room for improvement, but that is ok, that gives me something to do!

I will update this hopefully sometime next week, once I am home and able to sit at puter.

Dear God, why??  Back at the beginning of this journey, my initial WLS was post-poned twice!  Both times real close to date.   Ok that was my limit at post-poned surgeries.  NOT   Just got a call from my surgeon's office.  I will be keeping Babette the bitch around for awhile longer.  The one surgeon has been called out of country on family emergency!  Of course it is Babette's surgeon so nothing can be done till he gets back and then they will reschedule. 

At that point in time they again have to coordinate 2 surgeons and a surgical suite for a long surgery!  This time around it only took 4 months to get a date, I am afraid to see what it will be next time!

DH is pissed cause somehow this is my fault and I am going to fuck up his vacation plans yet again! 

Somehow or the other he doesn't get that it is my life on hold!  I am the one not sleeping.  I am the one in pain every damned day.  No not strangulated or any of the other good things just take a look at Babs in my pics and see if you wouldn't be in pain!   That belly is all hernia!   I can watch my shit moving through my system!  The muscle is open and that makes life interesting!

I am not supposed to do heavy lifting, pushing, pulling, or anything like that, but somehow or the other I still have to do most of the vacumning nowdays.  Cause I am fucking up his life!  His vacations...his day...his week well if I could afford it I would fuck up more then that right this minute!

I don't need his shit right now.  And he won't even fight about it...he had his say now he isn't talking, just doing everything he can to irratate me!

Damn I want my life back!   Today I REGRET having had the surgery!  I am tired, I am in tears,  I wanna be an attention whore but I won't say anything to anyone else cause I don't want to be a whiner!

I am feeling really dramatic right now and if I could just lay down and die, I would!  I hate my life!   I hate BABETTE!

Yesterday was really a great day despite my head games.  I didn't overeat and I didn't eat anything that should have bothered me.  Great day in all.

I came home with 2 of my grands 16 and 13 and we were going to have a great weekend.   But around 10:30 am I get a very very sharp pain in my upper right quadrant.  It brings me to my knees in pain.  It is a stabbing pain that becomes sharp and remains that way.  I can not straighten up, I can not lay down and it is not subsiding.

Hmmm what to do.  I called the Bariatric PA at surgeon's hospital and explained to her what was going on.  She advised me to go to local ER and if they thought I would need surgery to transfer to them.  So off we went.  I made arrangements to have kids picked up of course!

They saw me fairly quickly for a big ER and after poking and prodding and asking all the usual questions.  Are you nauseated, diarrhea, constipated, eat anything out of the ordinary...yada yada.  They ordered an Ultrasound of Gall bladder, liver, spleen and kidneys.

They found 3 gall stones but they shouldn't have been bothering.   Now they also took enough blood to feed a couple of vampire cities.

Ordered Cat Scan of all of the above with 2 contrasts, iv and oral.  Nothing shows up!  Nothing to be causing the pain.

While we are doing and waiting for all of this, they have started IV"s and giving me Fentnyl (sp) for pain.  It is a fast acting over quick pain med.  I do understand they want to evaluate the pain but that doesn't make it any easier.  About 6pm they offer me the morphine to see if we can get rid of pain, since they find no real cause for it.

Pain finally down to dull roar and they offer to keep me because they haven't found cause.  I politely decline.  I came home with orders to come back if pain returns full strength and to call surgeon and pcp in a.m.

I could have asked for med advice on R & R and gotten as far!  I know, I know what doesn't show up , doesn't show up.  And something may be starting to go haywire just not visible yet.  Believe me I will be keeping an eye on this.  With my hernia and having had 2 surgeries last year, I won't play around but it is damn frustrating to have so much pain and have no reason for it!

I have no idea what to title this entry!  I went to my grandaughters graduation party yesterday, feeling like a million dollars,  I had on white capri's size 16 and a new tank top size large with matching earrings and necklace and sandals.  Very informal yard party.  I felt slender and looking good even with bat wings and turkey neck.

The only one to mention my loss to me was my ex-bil and his comment was WOW, you are looking great!   None of my sis's or anyone even mentioned how I looked!  Not that I was fishing for compliments but dang,  I have lost 1/2 of me and I haven't seen most of them in months!  Oh well, families!

As I was saying I was feeling good about how I looked, until I saw a picture that had been taken.  No way!  That can't be me. I am not that fat yet!

Babette strikes again, damn her!  Yes she is making me look fat yet!  I know she will be gone soon but dang, it sure messes up my head when I can't see the progress!    sighhhh