Where to begin?  I was small when I was born (6 lbs, 6 oz) and that was the last time I remember being small.  Okay, I don't really remember that.  Which means, I cannot remember a time--ever--that I didn't feel overweight.  Which is not to say I always was fat.  My younger sister was naturally skinny, and I was naturally "fleshy".  In my mind, compared to her, I was fat.  I look back at my childhood pictures and say, "Wait a minute!  I wasn't as fat as I thought I was!" 

Fast-forward forty years, and I am exactly what I always thought I was.  Fat.  Very fat.  If there were a category for super super morbidly obese, I'd be in it.  

The weight began creeping on during my high school years.  I weighed 140 lbs as a freshman (age 14) and I thought I needed to lose 50 lbs.  Granted, I'm short, but still, I wasn't as fat as I thought I was (that seems to be a theme).  By my early twenties I was around 240-260.  I lost 80 lbs at one point, just before I met/married my husband.  But after baby #1, I was right back up to 260.  After baby #2 (seven years later) I was up to 320.  After about 10 years of rigorous dieting and vigorous eating (cuz you know they go hand-in-hand!) I found myself over the 350 mark.  358 to be exact.  The last 15 years have been a gradual climb of 100 lbs.  It was so slow you'd almost not notice.  And when you're already fat, it seems to all just "blend in".  However, when I see myself in photographs, I now have the opposite reaction than I did as a child.  It always surprises me to see how large I really am.  Apparently, my sense of "what size I am" is rather warped.  That is something I will have to deal with on my way down.  I'm sure other things will come up as well.  I am 100% convinced that extreme obesity has as many emotional connections as it does physical.

So, after years of resisting the idea of weight loss surgery (thought I was giving up, wanted to do it on my own, didn't want to take the easy way out, etc.), I have finally learned that a) it's okay to ask for and/or accept help, b) it's NOT the easy way--but it's almost always the SURE way, and c) I'm pretty darn stubborn.  Now I'm going to take that stubbornness, which we shall reclassify as determination, and put it to good use.  The game has begun...

About Me
AZ
Location
RNY
Surgery
11/19/2007
Surgery Date
Oct 29, 2007
Member Since

Friends 115

Latest Blog 13
One Year Later...
100 pounds gone!
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I'm home and doing great!
$43.11 of Mortification

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