Wow, I can’t believe it’s been a month already!!! It doesn’t even feel like it.
So they called and my insurance approved my Gastric Bypass Surgery… YEAH!!!! But, and it’s a little but, they have to redo it again in May because I’m technically not having the surgery until July. A part of me, really wants to go through with it and just take time off of work, but I have so many commitments in March and April. I have my spring drama show, prom, and everything else. I’m just so anxious, I’m seeing the pounds drop and I just want to lose more.
I actually love being active, and it kills me that after a few minutes I’m hurting and tired. I know the more weight I lose the more energy and strength I’ll have too! So it sucks that I’m sooooo busy!!! But I need to be more positive, I know that I will need this time to continue working on my will power and only eating healthy food.
I also realized something very important this week. Sunday lunches at grandma’s are hard, I mean there’s my entire family eating all kinds of delicious foods and I’m there with my little tiny plate of what I can eat. There’s vegetables but their fried in oil and junk I can’t eat. At first this was very upsetting. I thought, ‘damn, my family is supposed to be supporting me’ but this week I was reading some blogs and I read something that really impacted me, I chose this life for myself, and I shouldn’t push it on anyone. It was my decision to do this and my family supports me, but can’t change for me. I’m changing and that’s what matters.
So I’m down another 4-lbs this week… but it’s been rough. I found myself with less self control. I’ve been hungry. Every food commercial makes my mouth water. But I have been really good with the exception of one night. I did a lot of walking that day so I thought I’d treat myself to a carne asada torta for dinner. I ate half and felt full, but I wanted it all and so I ate it. BAD IDEA!!!! I was stuffed. My stomach hurt so bad, I was in pain. I’ve never felt like that in my entire life. I think my stomach is shrinking. I used to be able to eat a whole torta with a side of rice, and beans, but not anymore. I was hurting so bad, I had to do it… I made myself throw it up. Now I know this might sound disgusting and all but I felt so much better afterwards. Now in no way does this make me bulimic. I didn’t throw up because I felt guilty for eating, I didn’t I loved every bite of it. But there was just too much in my stomach. I need to learn to listen to my body more. I knew when I was full and ignored it and suffered the consequences. It was great lesson to learned, instead of later after post op where a decision like that can actually kill me.
So all is well now, I’m adjusting still. I knew this was not going to be an easy process. But overall I’m doing well, and I’m feeling really encouraged… and long winded apparently, sorry for the length, and if you read it all thanks for your support too!
