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I have been staying in the 190s for around 2 months! I got to 195...then 196...then 193...191...190...then back up to 194 again... I started thinking this is it. My body is done losing weight...and also, sometimes I was following all the rules...and sometimes I was cheating a bit. I am very grateful to be in the 190s...but I had this goal in my mind. I wanted to be at least as low as 185 for my graduation from college. (I went back to school two years ago and I am about to get my bachelor's degree!!!).  So, this weekend my bf and I were talking about it. I said...oh well, I guess I won't hit my goal because how could I possible lose 10 more lbs in 2 weeks. He reminded me that in the beginning when I was on liquid I was losing very very fast. So I wondered if I could do it again. So after just one day of protein shakes, ice pops and jello...I finally hit 189! I never thought I would see the 180s! I am not going to keep this up long of course. But maybe this is the kickstart my body (and my brain) needed to get back on track! I don't know anything except that I am thankful for finally seeing that number.  Besides the scale, I am now wearing a size 14/16. That is so crazy to me. I went to dress barn to find a dress for my upcoming graduation and for a wedding that I have the next weekend. Can you believe it...I got two. One the smallest size on the plus size side of the store..and actually one from the regular size side of the store (in the biggest size). I asked the girl that worked there if there was a difference in the 16 plus side or 16 regular side...and she said yes. The plus size 16 is bigger. So that means, that I legitimately fit into a dress from a regular size store. So weird...meanwhile in the mirror, I look exactly the same! I really dont see it but...I do feel it. I feel more comfortable in my own body. I love sitting with my legs crossed and sitting indian style and walking and just feeling more comfortable. I am really happy and grateful for being where I am. I do want more, of course but I am also happy with where I am now.  At the very highest...I weighed 305. that was way before the lap band in 2007. I am now 189. That is so unbelievable to me.  

It happened. I have arrived in the 100's. I can't even believe it! I always feel like I am doing everything wrong but...well I guess I can't be doing it ALL wrong! I also started the couch to 5k today. It was the first time I ever actually ran/jogged on a treadmill! I was just told that I will be graduating in the top 10% of my class this May and they are putting me into the honor society! Over all, not a bad day at all!!!

I got a call from my pcp today about recent bloodwork. I was nervous because in the past that has ALWAYS been bad news.  This time, she told me that my A1c was at 6.1! 6.5 is diabetic. At one point mine was 12.2!!!!! I had my surgery 12 weeks ago and I have been off all diabetes medication since then. THIS is better news than the 50 or so lbs gone, or the other little things like clothes getting too big. Even though those things feels good too...this reminds me of why I wanted this surgery in the first place. It was about getting healthy and not needing so many medications. THIS is what its all about. 

The past few days...my hunger is GONE. I am satisfied with a small amount of food. I don't find myself snacking or looking for snacks. I have been making ALL good choices when I eat. I am not even really tempted to eat "bad" foods. I don't know why this has happened...but YAY!  I KNOW this is what is supposed to feel like. THIS is what the surgery is SUPPOSED TO DO! I just hope it says like this. I am afraid to talk a out it for fear of JIXING myself lol. Also guess what...the scale is moving! Its such a good feeling. I dance away from the scale instead of feeling like I want to throw it across the room!  So, thats my update for now. Crossing my fingers that it stays this way. :)

I feel like I am being unsuccessful at this already! It's now 10 weeks since my surgery. I havent done any exercise. I am not getting even close to 64oz of water in...maybe 6! I don't always remember to take my vitamins. I have started cheating here and there on TERRIBLE things like cereal and doritos. I feel like I can't control myself. I KNOW its wrong, but its like something else takes over my brain and says "JUST EAT IT"..and I do, and then I feel like a piece of s**t. I also feel like I am hungry quickly after I eat. As soon as I finish something, it's like I need something else. I wanted to be successful. I wanted to get healthy. I wanted to lose more than 45 lbs...and right now, i feel like a big failure. That's all I have to say. It's pretty sad. I havent given up completely. I am still looking into more options on getting myself on track but, so far I am still in the doghouse. 

I have been losing slower than I want and it has really gotten to me. I spent the first few weeks or so with the "what have I done to myself" regrets! I am 8 weeks out now. Recently my outlook has started to change. It is so frustrating to see the scale stuck, or even worse, moving up...but inevitably, it does slowly start to move again in the right direction. I recently looked at myself in my winter coat and felt like I was wearing a garbage bag. It's probably not that obvious to anyone else but it was slightly annoying me. I decided to try the thrift store on a whim, just to see. I didn't even know what size to try. Well, guess what...I found a coat, and I LOVE it! It is 2 sizes smaller than my current coat! I look so much smaller in it! I honestly didn't even know how this would feeeeeeel! My first item of clothing since my surgery and it really did feel AMAZING! As I walked out of the store I felt like I was just smiling on the inside!!! I didn't think I would care this much...but it really felt good. I can't afford to buy lots of clothes, and I have never bought anything for myself at a thrift store before this. I have seen a lot of people on the site saying thats how they clothed themselves while they were losing. I might have no choice. Today was a good experience though so I may end up there more than I thought. There are a couple of other NSVs that have happened so far. Just little things, like crossing my legs more comfortably, noticing my collar bones, being the lowest weight I have been my entire adult life, having a relative I havent seen in awhile tell me I look great, and my boyfriend told me he felt like he was cheating on me, with me! These are little NSVs but they are fun. The new coat seemed to be the one that I got most excited about though, who'd of thunk it! 

This year will be different than all the other years. I will be transforming my life. I feel like this year is going to bring me so much change and possibilities. I went back to college last year to finish up and get my bachelor's degree in graphic design. I will be graduating this May. I will be looking to go back to work and start earning more money. I will be undergoing physical change. My body shrinking and my health improving.  NONE of these things will come easily. I will be working hard for all of it but I am excited at what the payoff will be.  

So far, I have lost 42 lbs in 7 weeks (since preop liquid). I was pretty worried cause I gained a few lbs back while still following the rules. I think it was a stall though. Now, I seemed to have dropped those extra lbs plus more almost overnight! Thats such a HUGE relief. I thought maybe, like the band, I would just be unsuccessful but... I got my hope back! I am ready to move forward. I have been eating all of my protein. NO MORE SHAKES! Been staying at or below 1,000 calories. Learning what I can eat and what I can't. Overall doing well. It is nice not to feel "stuck" anymore and not throwing up either. It's nice to feel like I'm done eating after a very small meal, and not wanting to eat more and more and more. I am also off most of my medicines already. That was one of my main motivators in the first place. Soooo far-So good!  I am looking forward to my future.

Here's my update. Feeling a lot better and a lot stronger. Occasionally I still feel a little pain here or there but overall I am much better. I had my first follow up appointment with the surgeon. She said she doesnt believe there is an infection. The one that has been looking "angry" actually had to have been quarterized after surgery to stop the bleeding. Thats why it looks so different than the others and why it is not heeling as quickly. Hearing that it is not infected was very reassuring. I have finally been moved on to the soft food diet. So far that has been going well. I am having a hard time getting in enough calories but I am tolerating most foods pretty well. Some foods do make me feel nauseous but I think that is normal in the beginning. I went to two parties this weekend...sat in front of a TON of yummy food...and I didn't touch any of it. I wouldve eaten all of it if it was 2 months ago! I have tried to take the proper amount of vitamins and calcium but so far...i am failing at it. The THORNE vitamins should make it easier since all the vitamins (except calcium) is in one capsule. Just take it three times per day and your golden. The problem is...they are disgusting! The smell, the taste...Just HORRIBLE. I am trying to ignore it and take the vitamins but...its hard.  Next problem is the calcium. I was supposed to start taking it 2x per day, seperate from when i take the thorne multivitamin after i started on soft foods. anyway, i took one so far. just one. it tastes so insanely strong and tart and dry and it just sticks to your mouth and its so strong. I hate it. I wonder if there is a better tasting one? I'm gonna have to find out.  I think I may be experiencing that 3 week stall too. well, for me its a 5 week stall. I am stuck at 219. It's so weird. I am not even eating 1,000 calories in a day. I hope the weight loss doesnt stop forever! We will have to see. 

I am at 19 days post op now. I have lost somewhere around 35lbs since the liquid pre-op. I can see a difference in my face, shoulders and neck. I am actually now at my lowest weight since...I dont even know when. I am just under the lowest weight I ever achieved with the lap band. and that took just one month. I am far from celebrating yet. Just don't feel like it. I am still not feeling great. Still have a little pain. One of my incisions looks a little angry so not sure if I need to get that checked for infection. I get very tired very quickly and I am freezing cold almost ALL THE TIME! I was always hot before..now it doesnt matter what I do, I just can't get warm. I am still on liquids and because of scheduling reasons, I will be for 8 more days till my first follow up appointment. I am losing weight very quickly, its a little scary. I barely get in one protein drink per day, and less than one bottle of water. I eat about 6 sugar free ice pops and 2 jello cups per day. and if I am lucky...I might get in a little bit of soup but most of it just makes me feel grossed out so I barely even want it. I wonder what I will eat first when I am allowed to eat soft foods...I think I will take it slow. Farina, thin oatmeal, ricotta cheese, and things like that to start. I am scared and nervous to find out what it feels like to eat, without my band, and with my new stomach. I am pretty hungry now and have been dreaming that I am eating things like huge subway sandwiches!  I'll update again soon.

Ok. Here I am. On the other side. This has been incredibly hard. I LOT harder than the last time and a LOT harder than I expected. Here is my story so far...

Surgery was scheduled for 11/20/14.  I ended up at the hospital a day early because of stomach pain that I had been feeling. It was questionable if it was my pancreatitis again. I went home that night with new news...They would be taking out my gallbladder in the morning as well as my revision.

I went in early on the 20th. I was eventually wheeled into the operating room. and then soon after (3 hours), woke up in recovery with SEVEN holes in my belly, and a lot of pain. I had to stay in recovery for 5 hours for some reason. Then I was able to go to my room. All I can say, is this was really tough. Most people go home the next day...I ended up having to stay two extra nights. I had so much pain. and I was so dizzy and nauseous all the time. I couldnt do anything for myself. I had to rely on my family and my nurses to really help me. I don't know what I would have done without my family. 

Finally went home on the 24th.  That night i was feeling so bad again that I just thought I made a mistake coming home! 

It is now 10 days since my surgey. I feel like I should be doing much better then I am. I am still taking pain meds at night, I still have a lot of pain on the right side of my belly. I am assuming it is my gall bladder surgery that has made this so much worse. I think three surgeries is just too much for my body to handle. I am recovering surely but slowly. I am still in the "what the hell have i done to myself" stage. I seem to have lost 25 pounds from the time I started the one week liquid pre-op diet. I should be more excited about it...but I feel like I am just so sick at this point. I am just hoping that at some point, the scales will tip and I will be feeling better and then I can feel more excited about the good things to come.  and with that, I have to go and lay down again...write more soon