January 15, 2014

Jan 14, 2014

Well, I am still struggling with my weight.  Now I am up to 321.  That passes the 317 mark I was when I first had lapband surgery.  My insurance covers gastric bypass but I am leaning away from having another surgery.  I continue to struggle with eating in moderation and binging.  Yes, with surgery I will lose weight but then will I regain it?  What then is the point of surgery?  I have been seeing an eating disorder therapist for almost 2 years and I am still struggling.  I have made progress with my perfectionism issue but no progress with actual weight loss.  She said it could take 3-5 years.   I sometimes just feel like there is something wrong with me that I am not getting it.  Maybe it is lack to taking responsibility.  I know it is up to me to make changes but I don't want to exercise 6 times a week.  Walking for 1/2 hour hurts and I hate it.  I don't know how to eat in moderation.  A cup of chili for a meal?  Maybe 4 cups!!  I have very distorted perspectives on portion size.  I know what is correct but it just feels like it is too little.  I know I need to eat less and exercise but doing it is the problem.  :  (

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