My journey

Jun 06, 2015

Well, it has been almost 3 weeks since my RNY surgery.  I have had no nausea which is a blessing.  I am healing up and able to move more freely without pain.  I have yet to be motivated enough to exercise but I will get there.  The biggest issue is my feelings.  I have had alot of anger come up toward my husband and feel unsupported.   His job is relocating us to another state and I am not happy about it.  I agreed prior to surgery while I wasn't truly connected to my feelings and now I feel overwhelmed by the idea of moving.  I enjoy my job here.  I have good friends and like my house.  I feel like this move is all about him and when I express my needs he is not willing to meet them.   I feel like 13 years ago when I met him I settled due to feeling like nobody else would love me due to my weight.  I feel guilty for saying that but it is the truth.   I have tried to express some of my concerns but nothing really changes so I get tot he place of what is the point.  Then I think about finding someone else.   I don't want to go that route until I know for sure there is no hope for my marriage.  I am far from that place.  Sometimes I feel like if I had an affair maybe that would be a wake up call to my spouse how serious this is but that is the wrong reason to cheat-if there is ever a reason.    Maybe losing weight is messing with my emotions and this will even out after a while.  I don't want to make any hasty decisions but I want to explore who I am and what I really want.  My whole life has been about losing weight and now that the focus is not food I have no idea of who I am and what I think.   What makes me happy is the million dollar question.  This journey is going to be interesting!! 

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