cathey9338
The Habit Of Excess
Aug 01, 2012
I attended a women's retreat many years ago based on the book Captivating by John and Stasi Elderidge. I don't remember all the different types of "women" they featured but I've never forgotten the discussion about the woman who craves excess (while searching for something much more).
I am the definition of excess in so many ways! Before kids, I worked a million hours to ensure my career was flawlessly on the fast track. I have so many speeding tickets, it should be a line item in my budget! I'm not a shopper, not a hoarder either, but I love "stuff". I always find lots of things that I "need" at Target (doesn't everyone?!). I love baskets and boxes to store my organized “stuff”. I love to buy in bulk - love Sam's, love Amazon's subscription service. Love having a refrigerator in the garage stocked with EVERY type of beverage a guest might desire. Why buy six rolls of toilet paper at the grocery when you can save SO MUCH by subscribing to Amazon and getting 48 delivered to your door?
I've always known this applied to food as well but never spent much time thinking about it. Sure my husband and I would rather buy the monster size cut of meat because it “saves us money”… never thinking really about how many mouths that monster cut could feed if we all ate an appropriate portion size.
So here I am… six weeks post-op and the “excess” continues! First I bought a pound of chicken salad from my favorite deli Ukrops. Sure it was ten dollars – but at a ¼ cup a meal, it would have lasted for a month. Too bad the “use until” date was three days after purchase. My husband is an amazing cook, but even he is still cooking for an army. We were never an army – we just ate like one and have the tummies to prove it.
Now I look in my drawer at work… I have a huge assortment of sugar free, proportioned size food ready to go. I’ve lost 63 lbs and no longer eat the volumes I once did. If my whole office was on the WLS diet I could easily feed them more than one meal! Why do I still feel the need to buy in volume?
One could reason that eventually I will switch my need for excess to the excess of exercise or heaven forbid, the excess of margaritas. Clearly, I need to reread Captivating. Clearly, my maker and I need to have lots more discussions regarding what I worship and where I invest my time and treasure. But for now, for today, I’m just going to sit back and study my desk drawer filled with more food (albeit healthier & “approved”) than I truly need and ponder what gap in my soul the desk drawer is trying to fill.
