Just thought I'd bring this to the forefront so I can make sure I check things off:-)

Being able to walk up several flghts of stairs without having an asthma attach(by the way, I don't have asthma, lol) **DONE**
Join a "running club"
Run a 5k,12k,26mi.Marathon (*5k DONE*)

Go to the gym and not feel like people are watching me because
I am the fatTest person there(i usually am-for real!-I'm not
kidding!) **DONE**
Being a healthier role model for my children **DONE**
Being able to sleep better **DONE**
Being able to cross my legs under the desk in my classes*DONE**
Not be the last one to leave class, so no one sees me
struggle to get out of my desk **DONE**
Be able to get out of a smaller car with ease **DONE**
Not have swollen ankles!!!!**DONE**

Slip into a comfortable pair of regular jeans, not the
Fat Girl jeans! (lol)**DONE**

Paint my toe nails without discomfort **DONE**
Get under 250pds **DONE**
Get under 200pds **DONE**

GET under 150
Being able to finally go shopping in regular stores and not the
overpriced Fat Girl store!!!!! **DONE** lol
Wear the cool clothes already in my closet **DONE**
Not be scared to wear the high heels that I've never worn that are collecting dust in my closet (new)-*DONE**
Learn to swim (and wear a swim suit)**Swimsuit DONE**

Not avoid any camera!! **DONE**
SHOP AT VICTORIA's SECRET!!!! (Can, but haven't-lol)

HAVE MY HUSBAND(LOL) SHOP FOR ME AT VICTORIA's SECRET;)
Not avoid places where I might run into people I used to know *DONE*
Having guys (and women) notice me-DONE!! -LOL
Having a small waist again**DONE**
Wearing a cute little summer dress w/out the jacket**DONE**
Wear a mini skirt **DONE**
Wearing short shorts**DONE**

Get on every damn ride in the amusement park without hesitation! **DONE**
Being able to wear my husbands(lol)clothes and having
them be waaay tooo big on me!!! **DONE**
Accept compliments about my appearance that I know are true!! **DONE**
Last, but certainly not least, I want to be able to go to
any restaurants, my classes, my kids school events, get on any
mode of public transportation, sporting event, and formal event
and know that I will (literally) fit in because I am a healthier
me!!! **DONE*

 

***Bare with me folks, my site is currently under construction ;-)***

 

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September 30, 2005


Great things are happening for me. I have been a wreck the last few
weeks looking for my perfect job (is there a such thing?). Anyway, I got the job that I really wanted. What's funny is that during the
interview I could have sworn they hated me. Actually only one person I felt the hatred from. I felt the hate the moment I walked in the room. You know how a smile gets a smile? Well, my smile didn't get one from one of the women on the panel at any point in that interview. I had the other panelist laughing. We had a good time. I also have to admit that I was looking so good:) All 320 pds of me! I was wearing a brown swede skirt outfit. I carry my weight rather well. No one would ever guess what my real weight is if they saw me. Well, I had my hair and nails perfectly done. I could have kissed my ownself.


The female panelist I could tell didn't like me. She was overweight
too. She looked to be at least 400pds if not more. I was kinda trippin
that she was so "not nice to me." I am such a sweetie. Everyone loves me:) Okay, so when the school called to tell me on Sept 28 that they wanted to offer me the teaching position I screamed my head off. I was sure that this clean cut, slender guy, in a nice suit, and carrying a
briefcase (which I forgot to buy) had gotten the job. He looked perfect
for the job. When I left my interview, I went straight home to b**ch
about it to my friends and family.

The next day on Sept 29, I went to my job so that my supervisor could
show me around the campus. Guess who we ran into. That B**ch that didn't like me. You know how you get the feeling that someone doesn't like you, but you tell yourself maybe I am just having a bad day or you tell someone else what happened and they say maybe I was seeing things that weren't there. Well, guess what? My intuition was right. That fat B**ch didn't like me. Yes, I said it! But, you know what? I can say it because I am a fat "B" sometimes too (lol). But, not like her. Anyway, I found out through an extremely reliable source that out of the 3 votes she was the one and only who did not vote for me. Whatcha think about that???? What hurt me the most is that we are both big women and I thought we might share at least that connection. I know damn well she knows how it feels to go out for a job and not get it because you are not a size 10. The thing is, I was qualified, if not over qualified for the job-for those of you who are wandering:)

Okay, now that I have vented, on to bigger and better things. I GOT
THE JOB DESPITE HER ASS!!!! I have full benefits and they begin the
first day I begin working (YAY). I called all my friends and family and
they were so excited and happy for me. The best part is, I don't have to use Medi-Cal. Not that there is anything wrong with that but, I have
my own insurance and it is a different feeling to not have to rely on
the county to be "all up and thru yo business(lol)."

My seminar with my surgeon is on October 12, just around the corner. I almost have all my medical records to give to their office. I would
love to have my surgery in December during my 2 weeks vacation and then I'll probably ask for an extra week off. Anyway, I don't really do
anything physical at work. I go see my PCP on Oct 4(Intro), and then on Oct 13 for physical/lab. I also need to get his referral to see my
surgeon.

Things are really looking up, I am sooo excited that things are rolling
along. Till next post guys!

Tootles:)

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November 28, 2006


Hey all, I have not been on this site in a while. I have been going
back and forth with my insurance and my job. I realized that it would
cost me more to have insurance through my job than to just get it from
the county. I can't afford the insurance through my job. That sucks!
Anyway, I am going with Blue Cross Medi-Cal. I like them. I just wish
that I could afford it through my job. Well, at least my doctors
office still accepts Blue Cross/Medi-Cal(God bless their practice). The 2
PCP's that I wanted to go to is not accepting it anymore. They lost
their contracts. Another one I wanted to go to said the same thing. That bites big time! Anyway, I have prolonged my process. That bites too! I did it to myself. However, I am back on track with what needs to happen. I have managed to get more personal research time in though. I have met so many people who have had the surgery (in person). They are very happy with their choice. They're advice has been so invaluable. I am surrounded by people who really want to help me out with this transition. I spoke with Sandy at my doctors office today. She is so helpful. She explained everything to me more than once and was very patient with me. I'm quite sure that she and the others in the office are used to people like me. Anyway, I am back on track as of today. My appt. with my PCP is on December 1, 2005. I will be getting a check up and my referral. I am not leaving that office without one. I will fall on the floor screaming and crying if I have to. Actually, all the doctor has to do is take one look at me :) But, I am really excited about the whole thing. My seminar is next friday on December 9, 2005. I have all my documents together except for one of my medical files from my "diet" doctor. I don't want their to be anymore waisted time. I am quite sure I will not be having my surgery before the end of the year. But, wouldn't that be a miracle???? I have managed to lose a couple of pounds lately. I have also gotten a gym membership and a personal trainer/nutritionist. I will be informing her of my pending WLS. Well, gotta go, I am at work right now.

Tootles everyone!

P.S. I found out in October (2005) during some lab work at my college
medical center that I am "pre-diabetic." That is sooo scary! My mom
has type 2. It seems as though the longer I stay overweight, the more
problems I am encountering. Lord help me! Anyway, there is no stopping
me now.



December 4, 2005

I got my consultation date of Dec 12th. I'm really excited. I have my
referral from my PCP all ready to go.

Tootles!



December 8, 2005

Well, 2morrow is the actual beginnng of my journey toward a healthy
life. I feel so blessed to have moved to the Central Valley. Had I not,
I would still think it was an impossible "dream." This is one journey,
I'll never, ever forget!

Tootles!


December 11, 2005

Tomorrow is my consultation appt. I am very nervous. The seminar was great. I felt like I was taking a test and passed with flying colors.
The only thing I wasn't prepared for was the reality of what the
surgery looks like. Anyway, I got through that part with flying colors too. After my consultation, I just need to do my psych and nutrition appts. Then, I'm on my way. I'm praying for a Jan (06) surgery date. I know its wishful thinking but, I'm backing this wish up with a prayer. I
need to continue with the post-op diet and exercise routine before
surgery. I want to be as helpful to myself and the doctor as possible.

Tootles!



December 12, 2005


Went to my consultation this morning! It went well. I am the perfect
candidate for the WLS. I am really happy and scared all at the same
time. I suppose thats normal. I have a lot of confidence in the doctors
I'm dealing with. At this point I am trying to get these items:

psych eval appt.
dietician appt.
PCP medical clearance statement
3hr. Pre-Op appt.

Hopefully, I can get all this done this week while I have this rental
car. My car has been giving me a lot of problems this year. The most
important thing is the "psych" appt. and "med clearance" appt.

Tootles eveyone!



December 14, 2005

All my dr.'s appt's are 2morrow except, the 3hr. Pre-Op class, which,
is scheduled for next Tuesday (Dec 20). YaY! Maybe I can have the
surgery during my 2week vacation ;) I am sooooo excited and scared. My PCP wants to exam me again 2morrow. He's not too fond of WLS. I can understand him. I guess he just wants 2 make sure that he covers all the bases. Cool! I wanna make sure that I'm okay to have this surgery too. One of my best friends had it done 1 year ago(I mentioned her in my first journal entry above). She's going to her 1 yr doctors appt.(anniversary). She is sooo different but, the same. She's my example. I love her!

Tootles everyone!


December 15, 2005

Had my PCP appt. today. It was stressful! All of a sudden my PCP
wants me to see the Cardiologist and have a Chest X-ray. Whatever!!! I will jump through his hoops! After all my planning, I screwd up my Psych Eval appt. I got the times mixed up. Got to see my Dietician (Cami) though, she sounded like a b**ch on the phone but, was really nice an professional in person;). I think Dr. Morgan was hella pissed at me for messing up his time. But sh*t its hard to contact him because he does his own scheduling and the receptionist isnt like the ones in a regular office. She can't cancel/reschedule appts. because he keeps his own appt. book. She doesn't. Anyway, now I have to wait until the end of the month (12/29). I guess I am still lucky though. Dr. Morgan seems like nice man and I don't have to pay out of pocket for the eval.




December 18, 2005

My 3hr Pre-Op class is the day after 2morrow (Tues-12/20). I see the
Cardiologist on Wed(12/21). Hopefuly this is the last hoop for my PCP.
I need the med clearance to proceed with the WLS from my PCP from this procedure(cardio). Keep your fingers crossed and the prayers coming. After this, it's just my appt. with Dr. Morgan and then we submit my file for approval.

So, lets see, this is what I have to get to have my file submitted for
approval:

Psych Eval appt. (12/29)
Medical Clearance statement from PCP(12/21)


Tootles everyone and Happy Holidays!




December 19, 2005

Hey all, I had my 1st of two cardio test done this afternoon. I have
my pre-op appt 2morrow and the 2nd part of my cardio testing in the eve of 2morrow(12/20). I was suppose to have the "cardio" stuff done later in the week but, it just so happened that I called the cardiologist
office with a question and there was an open spot. The cardiologist, Dr. Manshadi is very quick and professional and cute! Anyway, he will
discuss my results on Wednesday (12/21). That same day I take the test for one of the local police dept.'s. Pray for me on that one! I need to shift my career goals in a different direction. Hey! I almost forgot, I
lost 3 pounds. Maybe it's because I have a cold. Whatever! A pound is
a pound, is a pound ;) Right? ;)

Tootles everyone!



December 20, 2005

I'm sure everyone has noticed that I have began shortening up my
profile entries. I did that because its simpler for me to get right to the
point and for everyone to read my entries faster so they can move on to the next profile (see, everyone gets equal time). My coworker/friend had to give me a ride to my Pre-Op class today, but just to make sure, I called the center to make sure it was okay for her to come with me. They said "no." Whatever! My friend is very obese and she will be sharing the same surgeon' s office as me. However, she won't get credit for attending the class until she has her consult. Anyway, I cancelled my Pre-Op class for today. She wanted to take me to the class anyway and wait for me. No Way! I couldn't have her wait outside for 3hrs. So, I rescheduled the class. She will be taking me for my 2nd test for the cardiologist tonight. Then, she is taking me back in the morning for the "medical clearance." Everything to get "approval" is still on schedule ;) Thank god!

Tootles!


December 21, 2005 (1:35am)

I can't sleep! I think its my cold. Anyway, I took my last cardio
test at 6pm last night(12/20). I go pickup my "med clearance" form this morning. Let's see, the last thing I need to complete to get "approval" is:

"Psych Eval" (12/29).

I'm pretty much done ;) My eyes are burning now. I guess I should go
to sleep now.

Good night!

P.S. I just realized that since beginning this journey my
weight went from 319pds-303pds. WoW!



December 22, 2005

Got my "med clearance" today! My cardiologist said that he wanted me
to come back in 2mos. Whatever! I'll oblige him. Anyway, I'm relaxing right now. I'm listening to an "Usher" slow jam. Whooo! He is so damn sexy. Now its just a waiting game till I see the Psychologist. Then we submit or "approval." I'm really excited! I don't even have my
approval or surgery date. But, I'm ready!

Tootles everyone;)!!!!/

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MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Yes, I am posting on X-mas. I decided that its not worth it to spend
it with people I don't get along with(the change in me has aleady
begun). Been there done that with my relatives on Thanksgiving (blah!). Anyhoo, I decided to do a little something for myself. I am going to post the goals and things that I will be striving for after my WLS.

Here goes:


Being able to walk up several flghts of stairs without having an asthma attach(by the way, I don't have asthma, lol) **DONE**
Join a "running club"
Run a 5k,10k,20k marathon-hopefully 2yrs from now
Go to the gym and not feel like people are watching me because
I am the fatest person there(i usually am-for real!-I'm not
kidding!) **DONE**
Being a healthier role model for my children **DONE**
Being able to sleep better **DONE**
Being able to cross my legs under the desk in my classes*DONE**
Not be the last one to leave class, so no one sees me
struggle to get out of my desk **DONE**
Be able to get out of a smaller car with ease **DONE**
Not have swollen ankles!!!!
Slip into a comfortable pair of regular jeans, not the
fat girl jeans! (lol)
Paint my toe nails without discomfort **DONE**
Get under 250pds **DONE**
Get under 200pds
Being able to finally go shopping in regular stores and not the
overpriced fat girl store!!!!! **DONE** lol
Wear the cool clothes already in my closet **DONE**
Not be scared to wear the high heels that I've never worn that are collecting dust in my closet (new)-*DONE**
learn to swim (and wear a swim suit)
Not avoid any camera!! **DONE**
SHOP AT VICTORIA's SECRET!!!!
HAVE MY HUSBAND(LOL) SHOP FOR ME AT VICTORIA's SECRET;)
Not avoid places where I might run into people I used to know *DONE*
Having guys (and women) notice me-DONE!! -LOL
Having a small waist again
Wearing a cute little summer dress w/out the jacket
Wear a mini skirt **DONE**
Wearing short shorts
Get on every damn ride in the amusement park without hesitation! **DONE**
Being able to wear my husbands(lol)clothes and having
them be waaay tooo big on me!!! **DONE**
Accept compliments about my appearance that I know are true!! **DONE**
Last, but certainly not least, I want to be able to go to
any restaurants, my classes, my kids school events, get on any
mode of public transportation, sporting event, and formal event
and know that I will (literally) fit in because I am a healthier
me!!! **DONE*

There are other things I would like to post, but the list is just
waaaaaaaay toooooo long;)

Tootles!



December 28, 2005

It's 1:21am in the morning. I can't sleep! I go see Dr. Morgan tomorrow for my "psych" evaluation:) I'm not nervous because he spoke at my seminar. He seems to genuinely want to help the "obese." I hate saying it like that, but its unfortunately my reality (for now) ;)

Since for me, winter holidays are always "off the hook" in my family in one way or another, I'm thinking that by having a Jan/Feb surgery date, I get to lay a solid foundation (stress free) of healthy eating and exercise habits. I don't have to stress over the holidays and deal with "drama." Cause I did deal with a boat load of drama during these winter holidays. I can't wait to compare my life 6 months from now. I wander how much my life will change. Hmmmm!



Tootles,

Good night, oops! I mean good morning :)



December 29, 2005

Had my "psych eval" today. It went well. Dr. Morgan is recommending me for the surgery. Here I come!!!

Tootles




December 30, 2005

Well, well, well, I new this ride was going waaaay to smoothly. I
could just scream but I won't because I did that already :) Anyway, I have been renting cars for the last 3weeks because my car is on the fritz. Well, I go to get my car fixed today so that I don't have to go
bankrupt behind Hertz. I called AAA to get a tow to the garage, but when the driver gets there, he tells me he can't tow me because my car does not have the registration sticker on the license plate. I didn't know what he was talking about. I went to the back of my car and some pathetic a** hole scraped off my tag. I was freakin livid to say the least. That was the beginning of one of the worst days of this year for me. Then, I get a call from my surgeons office saying that my PCP's office can't find me as a patient in their system(we're getting ready to submit for approval next week). S**t! I have visited my PCP on three different occasion this month. Can this day get any worse? YES! YES! YES! I called my PCP's office and nobody can tell me anything. THEY DON'T KNOW THEIR A**ES FROM A HOLE IN THE GROUND. I could not believe my smooth path had gotten so rocky so fast. And, on a 3 day weekend too! Let me just meditate and not "medicate" my stress away. Sounds easy doesnt it? NOT!! However, I realize this is how it "needs" to be, especially after the surgery. Of course life will still be there waiting to kick me in the pants every now and again, but I know that all I have is "me." This one body that god gave me to take care of. I need to keep "me" physically and mentally healthy. I can't control the world, but I can keep me in check. I go see my PCP on Tuesay to see if maybe we're all miscommunicating.

Till next week. Oh, I did get my car fixed despite the asshole that took my tag. There's a mechanic who comes to his clients. So, I didn't need a tow either. Yes!!

Happy New Year!!

Tootles
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January 3, 2006


Wish I had chosen another PCP. My PCP is as slow as molasses. Anyway, my surgeon's office is still waiting on my PCP to send over the "clearance" for me to have surgery. After the office receives it, they will submit my file for "approval" this week.

Today my PCP advised me to come back in the morning and the letter would be waiting for me. I think I will have my PCP's office fax it and then I will fax it on my own too. I really need a date because I have to get help with my kids and make arrangements with my job. I have to say that my overall process has not been bad compared to people who have to wait a year or more to have this surgery. I am soo greatful to god that I don't have to wait. However, I pray that those who are in grave danger if they do not have this surgery soon are some how bumped up on the list (god's list) to have it ASAP!!! This is truly a dream come true. I will get to actively participate in my kids lives and my own. I will no longer have to sit on the side lines of "my life."

Again, I have not told certain people in my family and certain friends because of the negativite response I know I'll receive. And, its not just that they would be negative about the surgery, they are negative people in general and I try and keep only positive people/energy around me, like OH.

I will post again at the end of the week. Keep me and my family in your prayers. We need it! :)


Tootles,




January 6, 2006

Had PCP office fax over "clearance" to doctors office yesterday. They
received it and are now submitting my file for approval, so I'm just
waiting now.

My job is such chaos right now and my car problems are past getting on my nerves. I think I'm going to lease. Gotta get rid of old bessy.
Anyway, my doctors office will be scheduling me for February (YaY). I
just don't know the date yet. I'm really excited. I've been taking my
vitamins everyday. I think I will invest in liquid vitamins. It just
seems like it would work out better after surgery. I'm also trying to
lose 20pds before the surgery. That will put me at 289. I just want to
be as healthy as possible on that operating table. I'm exercising as
much as I can and I will be starting my exercise videos tomorrow.

Well, everything is moving along pretty fast. Its kinds of hard to
to keep up! I have to plan out who will watch my kids and take care of
me when I get home. I have both my sisters, but they work everyday. I
think with enough notice they'll be able to help out. Plus, my kids
(15 & 12) can take care of themselves but, the baby can't. I just need
my sisters to oversee everything with the kids. I'm not too worried, I
know that god will see me through this and everything else that comes
along.

Keep me in your prayers.

Tootles


January 10, 2006

Still waiting for approval. I am trying so hard to keep myself busy
and not call the doctors office everyday or my insurance. Let's see if I
can get through the next 2 days without calling. Right now, I need to
concentrate on my diet and exercise so I am as fit as I can be when I go in for surgery.

Tootles


January 11, 2006

Still waiting! I am soo proud of myself. I didn't call the dr.'s
office or my insurance to check status. One of my New Year's Resolutions is to be patient. Of course, I've been praying for god to give me patience and strength. It's an ongoing process. I had a job interview today. I looked so cute ;-) Anyway, I think I got the job. The thing is, I work with kids so, I will really be heart broken when I have to leave. But, I have my own kids that I have to take care of. Hopefully, I can work something out where I can have both jobs. We'll see. Luckily, the new jobs training doesn't begin until the middle of February. My surgery's tentative date is for Feb 3. Pray for me.

Tootles


January 13, 2006

I'M APPROOOOOOOOOOOVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good old Friday the 13th. (lol) Anyway, its weird because I couldn't
help myself. I called my insurance to see what was going on with the
authorization process. I spoke with authorization directly and the rep
told me that I had been approved for 2/3/06. I'M
APPROOOOOOOOOVED!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't believe my ears but, a part of me knew that I would get approved. Call it the power of prayer and just knowing that it is all a part of a bigger plan that god has for me. Well, I decided to call my surgeons office to see if they got the news. Well, whoever answered the phone today must have been new because they gave me some information that just didn't make any sense. She (i didn't get her name) said that my approval status was still pending. I advised her that I just spoke with my insurance and they said I was approved. She said, "oh, well call them back and ask them to fax it over to us so we can get you on the calendar." I was like, what are you talking about. I already have a date(i didn't bother telling her this because she just seemed to not know anything). When I called my insurance back to make sure that I "really" was "approved" they said that I have an approval date of 2/3/06. YaY!!!!!!!

Life is good :-)

Tootles


January 14, 2006

I haven't gone here yet because I really wanted to focus on my WLS
process but, in order for some people to get a little bit more insight into my life I have to reveal some of the real me. Well, here goes... I am going thru a divorce right now. Its not a nasty one. As a matter of
fact, I haven't seen my husband in 6 1/2 months because there is a
"restraining order" not because he hit me or anything but, because we were arguing and I wanted him to leave our home and I called the police. And, anytime the police come to your home it is called a "domestic situation." Anyway, we have a baby together. I am in the middle of filing for full/sole custody of our son.

My soon-to-be exhusband and I were only married for 2 years(I was
married 9 years to my first 2 children's father-1 yr prior to this). I
married him after knowing him for only 5 months. He also has a 6 yr. old daughter from a previous relationship. I can't say I was deeply in love with him when I married him but, I wouldn't live with him without being married. Anyway, we got married and he began to change drastically. He didn't want me going out with my friends or hanging out with my family. He became competitive with me. The End!



February 3, 2006

**Okay everyone I found the notes from the day of surgery and the next day.**

Today is the day! Its gloomy outside. I'm scared! Should I tell my
mom what I'm really going into surgery for? NOT! Today would be the
worst day to tell her. My sister that was supposed to take me to Modesto (I'm in Oakland right now), said she couldnt take me(WTF). How could she bail on me at the last freakin minute. Is this jealousy or what? I wouldn't expect this type of behavior from her. What the hell? Okay, so now my mom says she's going to take me. I have to be there for 1pm. Its going to take 1 hr and 20min to get there and with my mom driving its sure to take 2hrs.

This situation is getting waay too out of hand. My mom went to go put
gas in the car. The hospital just called and said they wanted to move
my surgery time up, so they want me there at 11:00am. Oh Sh$t!!! What the hell???? Its 9:30am now!! No one is here to take me. I called my friend who had the surgery in 2004 and she said the same thing I was thinking. DRIVE MYSELF!!!! WTF??? Okay people, that's what I did. Hey, we're talking about the rest my life I am dealing with here. Did I want to stay in this saaaad state of health? Not another minute. HELL TO THE NAW!!! I got in my truck and drove the hell out of Oakland. I even passed my mom on her way back to her house to pick me up to go to the hospital(lol). I am surprised I didn't get a ticket for driving the way I was. As I am driving I realize that I locked my mom outside of her house. Was I going to turn around OH people? HELL TO THE NAW!!! I called the hospital told them I was on my way and they said, we've been trying to call you. SH*T! I called my friend back again because I felt bad about locking my mom out of the house. She calmed me down and told me that my mom would be fine and I needed to do this for me. Plus, my grandma lives house next door(lol). I can't remember if she had a spare key or not though(lol).

Okay, so I made it there about 20 min late. Whew! I found a park, put
the alarm system on and prayed that I wouldnt get a ticket for being
parked there too long. Truthfully, I didn't give a damn because God let
me get that far. Anyway, I checked myself in and they led me back to
the pre op area, I got undressed, they took my weight and vitals and
then I waited for Dr. Coirin.

I have to admit I felt a little sad lying there alone. No family, no
friends, no phone. It was like no other feeling I have ever had. It
was surreal. It was just me...and God. I began thinking I came into
this world by myself and thats just the way I will leave it, if it comes
to that. The funny thing is, I wasn't scared. I mean, one might think
I would be under those circumstances, but I guess I had made peace with what I had to do. This was my life and my responsibility alone to make the best of the temple that God has given me.

A few minutes later I was wheeled into the operating room. Damn it was cold in there! I hate those brite ass lights. Okay, there was a cute
guy in there. I hate that! I know he saw my stuff and the rest of my
stuff. How could I have been thinking like that at that time???
Anyway, they started strapping me down. What the hell?? I started feeling clostrophobic (I think thats how you spell it-lol). Then, they put the mask over my face. I almost went nuts. They had it all on my eye. I couldn't breathe with it on. I was sooo uncomfortable. One of the
nurses was sooo nice. She seemed to be the only one listening to me. She tried to make the mask a little more comfortable. NOT! But it didn't matter because I was knocked the hell out 2 seconds later. I woke up in the recovery room to what seemed like minutes later in no pain whatsoever. Thank God for that, but I was ready to get the hell out of recovery and into my room.

Tootles!

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February 5, 2006

Todays gas pain wasn't that bad. I get to go home today. I hope my
sister (Evilene-lol) can get here before dark. My mom is dropping her
off here so that she can drive me and my truck back to Oakland. I
really need to brush my teeth again. I brushed right after surgery. My
mouth just feels so icky. My roomate had WLS too with the same doctor as me. The lady across the hall had it too. I'm not sure if it was my doctor who performed it though.

No complications so far. Damn gas!! I HATE FOOD COMMERCIALS!!!!
Somebody throw this damn idiot box out the window. This is the hardest part.

I passed gas the second night. I was beginning to get worried. I
started thinking if I don't pass gas then are going to keep me here until I do. Could that be a week or more? I got to get walking. Damn gas!!
For those of you who don't know, the nurses all want you to pass gas
before they release you from the hospital. Gotta make sure your new
plumbing is workin it(lol). Oh, I almost forgot. As I was walking the
halls on the phone with one of my bestfriends. There was this older guy who was walking the halls like me. I don't know if he had the surgery or not. He was very tall, all white hair, older guy(60's +), he didn't look to be too overweight. Anyway, I was walking past him and my god!!! He let out the biggest fart in history. I know we are in a
hospital, but for heavens sake!! That noise could not have come from a human people!! I don't know if it stunk up the whole floor because I didn't wait for the down wind. I almost sprinted back to my room(lol).

Anyway, I just had a wanderful shower. I'mma gonna get me a shower
chair(lol). What a relaxing thing to have. My roomate got on the scale
this morning outside of our room (i don't know what for). She complained that she gained 6 pounds. I told her that she has gas in her abdomen and she's been constantly pumped with fluids and medications since she's been here. I'm not getting on the scale until my 1st week check-up.

I can't tell when I'm full yet! Maybe its because the gas is so painfull! Well, I feel good in general, but like everyone else, I get tired
fast(walking around).

Tootles & Happy, Healthy Losing!!




March 10 2006

Hey all, I don't know what happened. I'm missing a few weeks of my
journal. My surgery experience is missing. Luckily, I took notes and can transcribe later. Anyway, I am about 5 weeks out. As of 3/9/06, I am down 34 pounds from my pre op weight of 309 right before surgery. I went to go buy my gym membership the other day and ran into one of the guys from the "Road Rules" (MTV) show. He's is so fine! I'll will be getting off my fat ass to begin exercising tomorrow. I have been staying at my moms house until I get an apartment. Being there is stressing me the hell out. Being there is sooo not motivating. I can't even think there. I have got to get out. I have to literally sneak out of the house in the morning so I can go walking. I don't even get to walk everyday like I know I can because she is always in my way. God! It is so frustrating but, I decided to come back to my apartment on the weekends until my lease is up on March 9. At least that way I know that I will get to the gym on the weekends. And, if I get to go to the gym at least 3 days on the weekdays that will make my weight loss a lot faster. Anyway, Evilene saw me this morning and was like "you look skinny." I just took the compliment and smiled.


Other than that life is great! Will try and update more later. Oh,
by the way, I still have issues sometimes with food. I had a couple of
bites of tuna last night and I felt nauseated afterwards. I think I
went to bed with just eating those couple of bites all day. Liquids have
gotten better but, I would love to quench my thirst with big gulps. I
know if I do I will pay later because I accidentally swallowed a big
gulp of liquid before and my chest was hurting for a moment. More
later:-)

Tootles!



March 17, 2006



Hey all I'm doing okay. I am now at 267! I am exercising at least 3-4 times per week. Its been raining a lot lately so, I have been trying to move as much as possible. Going to the gym is still a challenge mentally though. I'm still the only fat girl there at 10pm. I go lateon purpose. Anyway, work is getting easier and more fun. I go to my 1 month appt. on Monday. I had to keep rescheduling because of my other commitments. So, Monday will be my official weigh-in day but, it will be over a month. So what!!! Hopefully, I will have lost another 2 pounds. I haven't been in the 260's in 5 years. I can't wait to get under 250 pounds!!!

Talk to ya lata, I'm at work and I have to prepare to fire someone. Blah!!


Tootles!!!


March 2006

Well, my husband and I decided that we couldn't live without each other. We have officially reconciled. I have not told him about the surgery yet. I need to see how I feel in a few weeks. I will tell him of course. One can't very well spend the rest of their lives with someone and they not know your medical history. That's just stupid. What if I have some kind of adverse reaction to something I eat or, just some kind of belated complication from the surgery. He won't know what to to do! I guess you guys can tell that I have at least contemplated not telling him (lol). I need to see how I feel in a few weeks. I will tell him of course, in a few weeks. Right now, I just want to enjoy the time that we're spending. We haven't been actually doing a lot of going out and dining, if you know what I mean(he, he, he-lol).


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April 17, 2006

Hey all! Wow! It has been a while since I posted to my profile. I guess its because life has become a lot more enjoyable/pleasurable and fun. I have been so busy! Anyway, my weight loss has slowed but only because I have not exercised like I would like to with the new job, family, school and all the crazy ass weather. However, I did jump start my exercise routine starting today. I did Tae Bo! And, anyone who has experienced it knows "it ain't easy!" This sh*t is crazy! But, I got thru it and I'm feelin good right now. Okay, so lets get to the stats. My weight at the beginning of this journey was 309, but right before I went in for my surgery the scale said 307. Let's go with the largest weight. So, that 42 pounds since surgery in 10weeks. I'm beginning my 11th week out today. Eating is still a challenge, drinking fluids has gotten a lot better. All in all, life is really good. I'm tryin to take my vitamins everyday(that can be a challenge). I'm tryin to get in enough protein everyday(that's hard). But, I'm giving it 110%. I don't regret a thing!!!


Tootles!




April 20, 2006



I THINK I'M PREGNANT!!!! I cannot believe this sh*t! I absolutely
cannot be. I also can't believe I just put this info on my profile but,
hopefully it will help someone else who may be in this situation.
Anyway, I have been waiting for my period to come and its late. I have been really upset lately. I went to the doctor to get the morning after
pill but, they screwd up my appt. and I had to wait 2 hours. They wanted me to wait longer but, I couldn't because I had to get to work.
Needless to say, I ended up not getting the pill and therefore missed the deadline to take it for it to be effective. I do not want to be pregnant. I have a 15 month old already and my husband and I recently reconciled (he did this to me, damn him ;-) after being apart for 9 months. The truth is I'm just not ready. It's been good being back together with my husband. However, I forgot all the trouble men can cause ;-) I remember before I had my surgery, the P.A.'s discussed not getting pregnant at least a year after surgery. I was thinking not gonna happen to me because I wasn't having any sex. I thought I was safe. Well, well, well, NOT! On the positive side my husband has been very supportive and whatever the outcome of this, I'll be fine.

I went in for my 3 month appt. today and I weighed in at 259 and I'm 2
1/2 months out. Dianne said that at 3 months a 60pd loss is the
average. I only have 10pds. to lose by the end of this month. Wish me luck!

Tootles
P.S. My goal is to get down to 190 by the end of July '06.


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May 1, 2006

Hey all,

I don't know what I weigh now but, I sure do feel lighter. Anyway, I
had a WoW moment last Sunday. My husband and I were getting ready for church and I didn't know what shoes to wear, so as I was getting ready I suggested to my daughter that maybe I should try on the high heel shoes that I just bought (to wear later in the year). She said go for it! I put them on and they slid on with no problems. They looked gorgeous on ME! I was so elated. My husband didn't really comment on how I looked. I could tell from that response or lack there of, that I must have looked damn good! Anyway, he later told me that my legs looked good and he wanted to cover me up so no one could see. How cute! By the way, I had on a knee length skirt.

I feel great! I do still have moments when I am tired. For instance,
when I go to bed for the night and I exercised that day, the next
morning I tend to oversleep. I hate that! Especially, if I have something important planned. Almost forgot! I had another WoW moment! I took my husband to the pier where I usually go walking/jogging. He was trying to keep up. My husband is a big guy(very muscular). However, he needs to step up his cardio :-) because I am about to be able to out run him :-)

Tootles

P.S. Hell naw, I ain't pregnant! Thank the Lord! I am so happy that I
could have screamed when my Aunt Flo came to visit last week. The
B*tch was late! But, I was still sooo glad to see her. I went straight to
Walgreens to get 2 forms of B.C. because there are 4 children between
my husband and I. And, I am not ready have another baby yet. I'm ready to shake my booty. Not rock a baby :-)

Take care everyone in OH Land!


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May 9, 2006

Hey everyone, I weighed myself last week and I was at 256 -2 because it was late in the evening and I was fully dressed and just ate din din.
So, I figure I am probably at least 254. I haven't exercised in a
week. I am still really happy about my new life. I wouldn't change a
thing.

Tootles!


May 16, 2006

Hey everybody! I weighed myself at GNC yesterday and I'm finally out
of the 250's! YaY!!! I am at 247 woohoo! Anyway, things are looking
up for me and my family. I am sooo happy with my weight loss. I am not losing really fast because I don't want to. I don't have a lot of lose
skin. I'd like to keep it that way. I'm averaging about a 15 pd. per
month weight loss. I'm fine with that. My goal for this month is to
get to 235 pds by my birthday (May 28).

I'm not exercising that much other than walking at work or in malls.
I'd like to start working with light weights because I don't want
hanging skin from my arms. I see a little of that but, its not too bad. I
can still wear short sleeve shirts. Thank God!

Tootles everyone


May 20, 2006-(don't know what I weigh today and I don't care anyway)

8 days until my birthday! I hope I get to 235. If not, that's okay, I
will get there soon enough. Anyway, I haven't been exercising lately.
I have been trying to walk as much as possible though. I haven't been
very good at taking my vitamins lately. I ran out of my chewables and
began sampling some liquid vitamins thinking that it would be easier.
NOT! All the liquids I have tried thus far, have been disgusting. I'm
going back to chewables. I've got to find a good calcium pill to take.
I don't like taking 15 pills a day. I just want simplicity. Well,
I'll just shop online and see what I find.

Also, I am wearing a very loose size 22 pants. It's weird, why don't
I just go buy a size 20 pants? All I have in my closet are 22's and
18's. I guess I am trying to skip a size in my mind :-) I can get into
the 18's, I just can't button them. I'm happy about that. I also
bought a size 18 skirt and it fit with some room to spare. I guess it just depends on who made the garment. A lot of people don't make clothing based on African American figures in mind. I wish "Oprah" would get together with "Baby Phat" and make some stylish clothes especially for a sista. Actually, Kamora Lee Simmons has a + size line. I tried some of her clothes on when I was in Macy a week ago. She got the fit down to a science. I looked good in everything I tried on. Too bad about her and Russell.

Well, my husband has jumped on the diet or "new way of eating"
bandwagon. He was always very body/health conscience. Now, he just has more of a reason to take it step further. He was so excited yesterday to tell me he found Crystal Light on sale for $2 (reg. $5.49) a box. He acts like he had the surgery(lol). It is so obvious that he does not want to be left behind. I think its cute! I would never leave my husband. He has been so supportive. I couldn't ask for a better "life partner." Anyway, my whole family has been benefitting from me having the surgery. The kids barely get fast food anymore. And, if they do its very minimal or they get baked potatoes, chilli, yogurt, or salads. I am so very happy all the way around.

I know this is a long post but, I really needed to vent a little. Its
been a long time. I don't want to abandon my profile or any of you.
It's so weird, but people really don't mean to. After surgery your life
just changes so fast and its hard to keep up with everything. Its
really easy to not post. I try not to take it personally when I get used
to reading someone's profile and I begin to feel connected to them and
then one day they stop posting(after surgery). Like Justin M.! Hey
Justin are you out there! LOL! Its all good (((Justin)))! He's probably
out partying somewhere :-) Anyway, I know that he is just living life.
And, that's what this surgery does. It gives those who have never
known what its like to be at a normal weight a "new life." And, it gives
those who gained weight over the years their lives back. And, the only
way I know this information is because I am now sitting on what we post ops call the "losers bench." I have my life back.

Tootles



May 25, 2006

Hey everyone! I guess I better tell ya. I think I have been
experiencing the "dumping syndrome." The first time it happened was 1 month out. I remember I ate too many s/f popsicles and I felt really full and had to lay down(luckily it was bedtime). I remember falling asleep and waking up hours later. Then, it happened again when I overate something. I don't remember what it was but, the same thing happened, stomach full and tight and I had to lay down, then fell asleep for hours. I always thought of "dumping" as throwing up, but I guess there are different versions or levels of "dumping." Well, in recent months, I have thrown up because I overate. For example, I would eat soup, then I would have a s/f popsicles. Then a couple hours later I would have a s/f fudge cycle. That did it! I was nauseated, shaking, my mouth was watering, and I couldn't lay down because my stomach was so tight that I couldn't lay down. Well, I went to the bathroom and began brushing my teeth knowing that I would gag (I always do that when I brush). I eventually just went with it and let everything (the fudge cycle) come back up. Justin M. was right :-) It doesn't taste so bad coming back up since WLS. Anyway, it happened again a couple of days ago. I have been sampling different types of fruit to see which one I could eat on a daily basis. I found watermelon to be soooo good. It did everything for me. First, it quenched my thirst (I'm always thirsty). Secondly, it is low cal, fat free, tasty, and filling. Well, filling is just what it did. I ate too much watermelon and I was so full that I could not lay down. So, I decided that I did not want to make myself throw it up because I haven't touched a s/f fudge cycle since I threw it up. So, I decided to walk it off, just enough so that I could lay down and go to sleep. It worked! I was free to continue enjoying watermelon. Well folks, I did it again! I ate watermelon like I had never had the WLS. I ate until, well, you know how the story ends. I can't eat watermelon anymore. At least no time soon. I just can't eat something that I threw up soon after. Maybe, next year I'll be able to enjoy a fudgesicle and some watermelon in moderation :-)

Tootles
P.S. one day I'll tell ya about the famous "cookie" incident :-)


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May 26, 2006

I am soo stressed out right now. My birthday is this Sunday and my
husband and I don't have any plans as of yet. Well, we have a couple of ideas, but nothing concrete because we been so busy working and raising children. To top everything off the people at my job are really
getting on my nerves. Anyway, I just ate a couple bites of my baby's PoP Tart. I don't even like PoP Tarts. As a matter of fact, I have never
eaten a PoP Tart in my life until today. DAMN STRESS! I am now waiting to dump! Let you all know what happens later.

Tootles

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June 1, 2006

Today is my daughters birthday. My, my, how the time has flown by.
Well, let me get right to it. I didn't dump from the Poptart I ate. Not
a good thing as far as I am concerned. My weight has been holding
steady at 247-248pds. Man, this is so frustrating. I decided to get more exercise in and really monitor my carb intake. I think I may have
broken my plateau but, i haven't weigh in yet. I am trying not to buy a
scale. I've been weighing myself at GNC once per week. Anyway, my job has really been stressful. I can't wait until summer vacation. I am
only taking 1 summer school course and the rest I am going to hang out with my family. My goal is to really get under 200 by the end of August this year but, before that, I would like to reach 210 by the end of July. I am still wearing a size 20 pants/18 skirt. I was wearing a size 26/28. I would like to be in a size 14 by the end of July. I think
its obtainable as long as I continue to workout and watch my calories and carb intake.

Oh, guess what? I had a "wow" moment! I went to GOLD's gym with my husband(he's very muscular). He's been trying to get me to go to his gym for a while now but, I was like I am not going to a gym where every guy looks like Arnold Schwartzenager, in his body building days and where the women look like Halle Berry & Eva Longoria with a little extra muscle:-) GOLD's gym! I think NOT! Well people, he got me to go. It wasn't so bad. There weren't that many people there at the time we went:-) But, I was right about the way people look in there. DAMN! Anyway, I went and did my usual routine and low and behold. I didn't break a sweat! I did the same intensity and time frame. I also hadn't really worked out in a month. So, it was like my body was still holding steady at the previous intense workouts that I was doing a month ago. Usually, when I start a workout program and then I dont workout for a while, I have to start all over where I am panting, and pouring with sweat. I didn't this time(Yay me!). But, what that does indicate to me is that I will have to kick my workout routine up a notch. DAMN! There's always a catch, but a good one nonetheless. I think I will buy a scale today (he,he,he).

Tootles


June 4, 2005

Hey everyone, I am down 2 more pounds. I only exercised 1 day this
week. Just imagine if I could continue to exercise everyday. NOT! Well, I try to get in at least 3 days per week. I am really happy with my results so far. I just wish I wasn't so tired all the time. I could do
so much more. I am going to devote 2 more months just to exercising
and getting in the appropriate amount of protein everyday. I will be 6
months out at the end of july.

The other night I ate too much and was really sick. I also went to
S.F. with my husband for a martini and a little fun. Later that night
before I went to bed I took my B12 & Iron pills. I think that pushed me
over the edge. Maybe I shouldn't have taken those so late and on top of having a drink and having too much food. Well, I learned my lesson on that one.

Tootles



June 15, 2006

Well, it is officially the last day of school. The kids r gone.
However its not over for me yet. My last day of work is June 30th.
Yeppeee!!! Anyway, I havn't weighed in lately. I weigh myself usually on Sundays. I have decided not to buy a scale because I know that it will start to play on my self esteem. And, I don't want that! I feel good. I'm still in a size 20 pants with plenty of room. I can get into a
size 18 but the waist is still a little snug. Anyway, I walked 2.7 miles
yesterday (in flipflops) and 3.5 this morning(this time I was prepared
w/running shoes). I will be doing another 7 miles over the next 2 days
and then I am done for this week. I'm trying to build up to a solid
routine. I am also in the middle of moving back to school. I am soo
excited about that because I will be next to my favorite pier and I can go walking/jogging everyday with my family. Just so you know, my waist, hips, thighs, and ass hurt right now. I am so exhausted from all this exercise that I can't even have sex(SERIOUSLY). Yes, my husband is proud of my weight loss accomplishments but, he says he has needs too. I say he's being a little insensitive right now. He says he is going to start working the night shift (he's a nurse) because nothings going on at home (at night) and he might as well be making more money (lol). Isn't this typical of the male species? If he can't have sex he'll become a workaholic. I guess I should at least be glad that his mistress will be work(lol). So far, he has not gone thru with his threat (lol). I say I need another week to settle into this routine and make sure that I am getting in all my vitamins, water, and protein. Then, I'll giv'em some(lol).

Tootles everyone in OH Land

P.S. I will post a recent pic of me soon!



June 17, 2006

What the hell????? I went to fix my hair this afternoon in the
bathroom mirror and wouldn't you know it, my hair came out!!! I knew I would shed but, damn!!!! a 1 inch section just came out. I was so scared and upset. I gotta go get some biotin quick and make sure I get enough protein and water. Oh my gosh!!! Now I got a big ole bald spot right on my hair line. Its noticeable too!! I guess I can camouflage it with my other hair. Lord, whats next? Wait a minute! This is what I signed up for right??? The weight is still coming off and I feel and look good. I should remember that this is only temporary. Well I will be weighing in tomorrow and will report soon. I'm going to take my iron everyday and not every other day because I am usually anemic. Today I had a couple bites of Pizza. I know I shouldn't have but, I couldn't resist. Anyway, I visited a LoCarb store and it was waaay cool. Expensive but, it had everything I needed. God I want to buy a scale so bad. Not gonna do it. Good girl!

Tootles everyone!

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July 10, 2006

Its been a minute since i have posted but, a lot has been going on. I
am now weighing 227. I weigh less than my husband. YES!!!! That's 82 pounds down in 5 1/2 months. I'm wearing a size 18 pants/skirt and an XL shirt. I am able to shop in regular stores with no problems. My weight loss is still a little on the slow side because I am not
exercising that much and I sample different foods quite a bit. And, I have been drinking socially too much! Girls gotta have a littel fun (he, he, he). I guess my exercising routine could stand to be a little more
consistent. I just have so much to do.

Anyway, I have moved back to school and the family is getting
adjusted(we live in family housing for students). I went to visit my family (mom, grandma, sisters, etc...) around the 4th of July and my grandma asked me did I have that LIPOSUCTION? I laughed because it was just so darn funny. People who don't know the lingo for WLS go with the term "liposuction." Its hilarious!!! I still have not told them and I don't think I ever will. They all think I look well. They also know that I was pre-diabetic. They know that that is what probably prompted my rapid weight loss. I don't see any reason to tell them so I can be brow beaten everytime they see me. And, Lord knows I don't want to stop visiting them. I love my family but, they can be brutal.

Well, I have to say that life has been pretty good since WLS. I am
able to do more than I have in years. I am waaay more social and I don't wait for things to happen to me anymore. I make them happen. I am soo pleased with my results. I go for my 6 month check up next month! I am soo excit

About Me
CA
Location
28.2
BMI
RNY
Surgery
02/03/2006
Surgery Date
Sep 12, 2005
Member Since

Friends 278

Latest Blog 87
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