Cece2014

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Being unemployed sucked. COBRA coverage was good, did all the pre-op stuff, lost weight, felt optimistic about a new life.  FINALLY employed, and started calling on coverage, hospital, drs, etc to ensure I could stay with all the great physicians and health professionals I've been working with. The only other option was taking Kaiser insurance. While I don't object to Kaiser, didn't want to start all over again with new Drs, etc.

Finally found the answer - Doctors on plan, the Hospital NO!  Insurance does not have a contract with the hospital. Felt like a blow to the progress of the last year.  I had mixed emotions - did I make the right choice? Should I have switched to Kaiser? Can I find a loop-hole? Does my surgeon use another Hospital that is covered?  

So many questions..  So I made a list and decided that no matter what, I will tackle them one at a time. If it means I just stay on the medical weight loss thru counseling and nutrition - that's better than nothing.  If I can find a way for surgery, then at least it remains an option.

The surgery decision was still pending in my mind anyway.  I have lost 80 lbs = 1/2 of what I wanted to drop.  But I also know that bad habits can slip in and for a live-change surgery is probably still the best option.  At least I haven't given up and turned to Food!  THAT ALONE IS A MAJOR MILESTONE!

June - it was a big decision that indeed changed my life. I asked for help, began classes, became a "pre-op", attended therapy and more.  Then came the realization that I could take care of myself - be selfish!  Sometimes it's still a challenge, but a worthwhile one.  People notice how happy I am, I notice how happy I am.  I laugh, just enjoying the day.

Some people are asking if I still need surgery.  I don't know - I still have a long way to go. Insurance is changing in February - Yes I have a new job!  But that may mean a whole new process for approval.  That's OK - maybe it will give me time to learn even more, take off a few more lbs, learn to manage my low-carb life.  

What comes next?  I don't really know - but it 2015 will certainly be better then 2014.

It has been a tough year - unemployed, sis-in-law passed, brother devastated. Son "finding himself" while working for his Dad and fighting along the way.  

And my health has improved - my friends and I laugh - my dogs keep me company and give me cuddles at night - 87 year-old Mom is full of life and adventure. There are so many people who struggle every day for the basics of life - and I know I am lucky.

Does everything go right?  no, but more goes right than wrong. As the lbs have exited what was left behind was the old me - the one who had more fun, a positive outlook on life.  

It's nice to see her again.

Yes, I finally cracked the illusive 300 lbs.  That's a full 70 lbs down from my heaviest and I feel great.  I have been flirting with that number for two weeks now - the ups/downs but never really staying under 300. Now I can celebrate!

Even funnier?  My driver's license is up for renewal in January and I can honestly say I really weight the stated amount.  Even better, I will choose a new number - I'm thinking 250 - partly as aspiration partly because it just sounds so much better. I even WANT a new photo!  Imagine that.

Life continues to "be better and better" as each pound says goodbye. 

Month 4 just finishing of the 6-month pre-op program. I'm down 60+ lbs and honestly everything is just better. My house is cleaner, the dishes are washed everyday, the doggies are walked farther. I'm even flossing regularly!  WTF?  There is a spring in my step, I even fuss over my makeup and hair every morning. Why did I wait so long to take care of myself?

People are asking me: Are you sure you need surgery? Look how good you're doing without it!  And it is a tempting thought, and something I will evaluate as the 6-months ends. I have learned so much about me during this time and how the low-carb life could actually work for me. It is the first time I truly think I can do this.  Surgery is a tool - perhaps I may not need it anymore - but I'm not making that decision just yet.  I'll stay on track, knock off the pre-op details and just keep going. I think it all comes down to the rest of my life - can I maintain this w/o additional tools?

I'll see.

There they were - sitting on the desk of my co-worker - Hershey Nuggets!  They stared at me, I had trouble looking away.  It's been 3 months and really haven't been tempted - but they were just right there!  And I swear I could smell the chocolate.

What a major disappointment.  Yes I ate one and didn't even enjoy it.  So much for "missing" my beloved friend. While I justified having one by looking over my menu for the day and making the choice to splurge, I was so sad when I didn't enjoy it.  My mind wanted to love it, the taste buds had a mind of their own.

So, lesson learned. Even though some of old habits and likes of the past are still ingrained, they really have changed.  It was a surprise, a realization.  I guess the lesson learned is that I can, and probably should, still try some things to see how they affect me and how I feel about them.  Living the low-carb life has certainly changed my taste buds and what my body needs.

Now to get my head to catch up!  I'm counting this as an NSV; chocolate is no longer my achilles heel.   

Yesterday I was fitted for, educated and expected to start using a CPAP machine. The training was over an hour and I really appreciated the thorough explanation of how it works, how to use, what I might or might not expect, and answers to my questions. What I appreciated most was the explanation of how better breathing can have a positive impact on weight loss, depth of sleep, release of stress hormones, etc. and how that affects overall health.  That was the ah-ha moment for me.  None of the reading I had done nor info from the Dr. covered that part - and for me that was the most motivating part!

I made it 4 hours on the first try - wasn't sure I had would last that long. Like teeth flossing, I know it's good for me and I know extra effort will be needed to make this a habit.  Of course, it will get easier if sleeping becomes better and I feel rested and ready to go in the morning.

Here's to another milestone!

9/21 UPDATE:  It really is making a difference.  I am not snoring (as far as I can tell) and not waking up much during the night.  I've adjusted pretty well but it is still not completely automatic - but I'm learning!  I suppose it's a good thing I was referred as part of the 6-month pre-op preparation: who knew something like this would help so much?

9/29 Update: Who would have thought that I would MISS using this thing?  I've had a bad cold and could not breath via the nose for several days. I was so tired each morning - but was that the cold or loss of sleep? After two nights back using the CPAP I can say I'm a believer.  I simply feel better upon waking and the minimal hassle has been totally worth it.

Found this article in the OH archives.    http://www.obesityhelp.com/articles/four-on-the-floor-self-care-after-weight-loss-surgery

It spoke to me about how to use this tool of WLS and what post-surgery life is like. At 3 months into the 6-month qualification program I've no complaints - I have learned invaluable skills. Not only have I lost weight I find my relationship with food is changing.  Will it ever be easy and second nature? probably not.  It took a lot of effort to get this big and it will take effort to get back to a thinner and healthier me. 

And I'm not fooling myself into thinking surgery is the answer - it's a new beginning that will require a lot of work and one tool in the toolbox to help ME!

I admit I don't understand many of the postings on OH - why are you complaining about a pre-op liquid diet? Didn't you study anything ahead of time?  Why are you wanting to know how soon to stretch your pouch? And you're complaining about a few classes to get prepared?  I suspect many of those folks are the ones who "fail" and blame others for their own baggage, and most likely will gain weight again.   Sorry, I don't have time for your whining.

And for those people who are brave, follow their plan and share their struggles, successes, happiness and fears: those posts are motivating.  It helps me know there are people out there succeeding, maintaining and believe they will succeed in the long run. Not to mention there is probably more happiness and health along the way.  To those people I tip my hat and say a very heartfelt Thank You.

I get in the car to run errands - it's hot outside and I'm feeling sort of crummy.  Back out of the garage, seat belt, etc as usual.  

Something feels "off".  Then I realize my foot seems a little too far from the gas pedal, and my arms are almost straight out.   Then I realize I need to move the seat forward a notch because my BUTT ISN'T AS BIG AS IT USED TO BE thereby causing me to be a little farther from the steering wheel and pedals.  Holy Cow!!  

As a taller person I automatically put any car seat all the way back; it's the default setting due to the long legs and the tummy often in way of the steering wheel.  In fact I hate valet parking my car because they always move the seat.  Well, now it was my turn to play w/the controls.

I will count this as a celebratory moment!  

In my dream I think I'm doing some laundry in a strange place with an unfamiliar machine. I'm nervous because I cannot read the instructions. So, I'm intelligent, I'll just figure this out....load the machine, add soap, and press the button.

That's when I realize it's a toilet like device that has wooshed away my clothes!  I was stunned - what do I do now - then I laughed.  

OMG!  I hated those clothes, they were baggy, worn out or "something that sort of fit" vs. things I actually wanted to wear.  While stunned, I realized there would be shopping in my future.  That was the second shock since I've never enjoyed shopping; it wasn't a recreational sport for my family but a thing you did when you needed something to wear. And as my size grew, shopping became more of a chore and a settling-for what fit vs. anything stylish or pretty. From a catalog of course.

And as it turned out, I needed to do laundry today because the jeans that do actually fit were both ready for the wash. I laughed as I loaded the machine and really did the laundry. Obviously my brain is telling me to update the wardrobe and toss out the old - the stuff that reminds me of what I looked like 3 months ago and don't reflect my healthier attitude either.

I guess it's time to clean out the closet!