cella

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Wow...I just cannot believe that it has been 8 months since surgery.  So much has happened in my life.   I have had some really rough roads.  I went through a "why me?" stage and now I am in the "why not me?" stage.  Because what if God put me through all these surgeries since my Bypass to help someone?   I know He didn't do it for kicks and giggles.   I feel like I have a great bond with my Bypass Surgeon.   "Dr. P" as I call him.  If it were not for him, I am not sure where I would be.   He has had to do surgery on me several times since Bypass.  

See, my Gastric Bypass surgery was flawless.   My surgery went beautifully.   It was my body that totally and utterly rejected what had happened.  If I went on and on about what has happened, I could be here forever.   But, I have just returned from a month long hospital tour if you will at a couple of different hospitals.  They found out that I had Sphincter of Oddi.  I still don't know what it is, but, it is not fun and horrible on a Gastric Bypass patient.  I have just come out what seems to me the worst surgery and pain of my life.  I am almost 2 weeks out.     I am making small strides every day.   The toll that these months has taken on me is great for me and for my husband and especially our children.

HOWEVER, it has made me a stronger and in some ways better person.  My husband has stuck to me like glue and has done over and beyond what any human should have to do.  He never complained and has carried me on his back and says he will do so until I can spread my own wings.   I hope that is soon.  I know it is.     This is what I consider the end to anymore hospital stays.  Unless it is voluntary to bring the twins (the boobies as if you didn't guess) up North.  They have gone South for the Winder and forgot to come back up! ;)     I have lost 90 lbs and am looking forward to enjoying that weight loss and getting my body back to a normal state.  I can't wait to exercise again without pain.  

I would still do it again.   I couldn't go on like I was.  But, do I recommend it to everyone I meet?  No.   Not because it hasn't worked on me.  But, not everyone is ready for the road that Gastric Bypass might take you.  And you are not going to know the road that is until you get on the bus.   I let others make their own choices.  

I will post some more pictures soon.  It is hard for me to see that I have lost 90 lbs.  I can't see it in me.  I am told to take pictures.   I struggle with what clothes size I am and I am not sure I recognize the girl in the mirror.  I am having a little trouble with this whole body thing.   I am sure I will get used to it.  

I hope to keep in touch more!!

Caroline

I know it has been forever since I have written.  There are MANY reasons for that.    Since surgery, I have been in the hospital 4 times, the ER three times and at least 2 visits a week to a doctor.   

So, for me, this has NOT been a smooth transition.   I will write more as it is late now and I am utterly exhausted.   But, I had pancreatitis, then lots of dehydration.   I have had some pretty severe pain.    It has some to do with my intestines and my kidneys.   I have been in really bad pain and unfortunately, no one wants to give me any kind of pain meds to help.  The reason being is that all are afraid that they pain meds will hurt the liver.   I know grown men who have suffered kidney stones and fall to their feet.  But, I have been dealing with it on my own.  My kidney doctor told me that I had an obstruction which they had not picked up on the CT scan. 

It has been a very hard, dark road for me.  I can't lie.   But, I pray now that they know what they problems are, that they will be able to help me.  

I am down 60 pounds now.   I know I should be jumping from the roof top.  But, having been so sick for so long....not so sure that I would take my old body back in a heart beat.   I realize that this is going to be a long process.  

My dear friend came in this weekend to help me get out of a rut and she did a total makeover on me.   New hair, new clothes...got me out of the house.   It was the best time.  So, I have uploaded some resent pics.  

I hope you are all are well.  I will write more later as I know what is going on with my body. 

Please take care and i will write more again soon!!

Caroline

Today is exactly 3 weeks post op.   I have to say this has been a hard recovery.  it is strange, not so much the food.    But, the frustration of exhaustion, limitations and how long it takes to get back to normal.    I knew all of this going into it.  But, it is different when you are actually in it.    I have 3 children under the age of 7 and they have done great with Mommy out of surgery.   My husband has been doing triple over time.   My family has all pitched in, and friends.   I am very blessed.  

What I am most frustrated with is that I want to get my energy back so that I can take things off of my husbands plate.   I am starting to feel that this is too much for him all the work he has done.   He has not complained once about anything.    But, I feel so guilty.   I feel bad that I am not able to be there for my children like I want to.  

I went to my post op check up this week and my dr. said that I needed to set my expectations.   He felt that maybe they are too high.   I think that I am supposed to be leaping from tall buildings and losing lots of weight.   But, it wasn't happening.   I had lost 12 at my post op.    I lost 9 pre-op.    Others in my group were 30 lbs, 38 lbs, 20 lbs.   So, it was discouraging to me.   He said that I was completely within the normal range.   

I also was very sick with the Boost while on liquid diet.   I had to go back into the hospital two days out due to pancreatitis.   Boy, was I frustrated and upset.    I just got back to driving because I had been so weak and faint.   We were afraid that i would pass out at the wheel.  The doctor thought that when I was actually able to eat then I would do a lot better as well as taking me off of blood pressure medicine.   

3 days later, I do feel better and now my weight is dropping.   I over did it yesterday (halloween) and now I am paying for it today.    The two steps forward, two steps back thing is difficult on me.  

I know that I need to cut myself some slack.   I am just having a rough go of it.   But, I hear it is normal.   whatever that is :)

Oh my!  The lists of "To-do" are about a mile long right about now!!  I am trying to stay calm and not to panic.   My surgery is this Thursday 10/11. 

I will be on a liquid diet for the next few days as I have been on Atkins for a while. 

I went to pre-op at Duke 2 weeks ago, and you go with a group.  I was with 8 other people.  All of them had their surgery last week.  Most did really well.  A woman that I met that I became friends with is in ICU though and it has really been eating me alive.   I have not been able to talk to this other woman who is having a lot of nausea and vomiting and she has not left the hospital since last Thursday.  

The friend that I met has Muscular Dystrophy and her system is just not handling this well at all.   They went back in and saw that the actual surgery was done perfectly.   It was the Dystrophy causing the pneumonia and a lot of other complications.  She is coughing up blood and they have now put her in a medically induced coma.   It breaks my heart so bad.  She wanted this surgery so much and had such an amazing spirit!!!   I pray for her all the time, as well as all of the other people in the group.   I am so glad to have met some wonderful people

Of course, this all makes me scared to death to go into surgery.  But, I have to put it in the hands of God or else I will go nuts. 

I am off to check off this long list that I have. 

Take Care!

Caroline

We all have a story as to why we we are overweight  and how we have gone about losing it, gaining it back, losing it again.      So, I will tell you a little about mine.  

I was never considered an obese kid....In fact, as a kid...I was on the thin side.   I was tall though.  So, I was ridiculed all the time about being the "Jolly Green Giant".   Then, 5th grade hit and I looked as if I was a 21 year old woman. Hips, breasts, butt...the works.   One would think that would be great!     It was the WORST thing for me, because I was teased relentlessly.  I did not like that sort of attention.   I would wear baggy clothes to hide who I was.   I hated it.   

 I started having an unhealthy relationship with food right about that time. I used food as something that I could control.   I was an athlete, so, if I had to play in a game, then I would "carb load" so that I would have more energy.  In college, I played softball and was a cheerleader.  So, I would hold back on food if I had to fit into that skirt.   I was always the biggest girl whether it was sports, or my group of friends.  It didn't matter.   

 I started going to Weight Watchers at around 16 and then the love affair (she says sarcastically)  with dieting began ever since.    I am now 38 with a great husband and 3 beautiful children (I am a little biased! :)  I am 254 lbs, with a BMI of 39. 

  I put on 90 lbs. with my first child, and could never get the weight off.   I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and Insulin Resistance.   When, I was pregnant with our second child (4 years ago)...I had pre-eclampsia and the two of us were very lucky to have made it out alive.    I am grateful every day that we made it through.    After our second daughters birth....weight came on at an alarming rate.   It did not matter what I ate.   I was on every single diet known to man. 

 We decided to have a third child.   We feared how the pregnancy would go considering everything that had happened to me.    An emergency hysterectomy (because of all the cysts and then I had a tumor) took care of that...so, we knew that adoption was in our plans.  We adopted our son last year from Russia.     I have gained 60 lbs. since last year. 

I now have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, insulin resistance, fibromyalgia, bone spurs, arthritis, GERD.....the list goes on.    I thought that would never happen to me.   I always ask myself...."How did I get here?"

I researched WLS for a long time and finally decided that I was strong enough in March '07 to begin the journey.    I am told that I am considered a "lightweight".   That is the craziest thing that I have ever heard.   I guess it is because I am not at 40 bmi.  I am not sure.  I have always been called a big girl, so, to hear lightweight seems funny to me. 

 My husband is supportive of my surgery and a couple of friends.  But, mostly everyone is shocked that I am having surgery.    They think that I am not big enough to have it, and that I am crazy.   It is disheartening hearing things like this.  

But, I have to realize...they don't have the health problems that I do, they don't live in this body like I do either.   

I want to live for a long time...and given my families history with diabetes, heart disease and cancer....I KNOW that this surgery is the best thing for me.    There is so much more that I want out of life that this obesity is keeping me from doing. 

I am glad to be on this board and can't wait to talk to you all!!

Caroline

I have my surgery date for 10/11/07.   WOW!  I cannot believe that it is going to really happen.   I am so excited! !    I have a lot of emotions about it.   I am scared, excited, nervous.  But, most of all...I am so ready to begin the next phase of my life.      

I cannot wait until I can have normal blood pressure, or not have to take Lipitor or Glucophage.  There are so many health benefits that I can't wait for!.      I can't wait to become more active with my kids...and hubby!! 

I am hopefully weeks away from surgery.  Gastric Bypass through Duke University WLS.    They have a good group there that we can meet others who are going through similar issues.   It is a little bit of a drive for me.   I still plan on attending meetings.   I really would love to talk to others who are going through WLS.   

I have a lot of anxiety now about being denied through insurance and just really need some good ole support.   Would love to have a support group!!

Please email me or drop by my blog anytime.  

Thank you!

Caroline

I have been going through the Duke University WLS program since March of 2007.    They are an amazing group.    I have gone through all the million tests, the psychological exams and ongoing therapy.   I am still dieting and boy, I am losing that battle.    But, finally, I have been approved by the Medical Board at Duke and now am waiting to hear back from MedCost.     I am supposed to hear any day now whether or not I am approved for Gastric Bypass. 

I am so nervous.   It is so hard to know that "big corporate" has your fate in your hands.    However, everyone has been so nice there.    I will let you know as soon as  I hear when my surgery date is.  

I currently have my own blog about my journey and emotions at :

www.diaryofashrinkingmama.blogspot.com


I can' t wait to meet new friends and have a support group!!!