cgatens
blog
Jan 10, 2007
The Back Story
10 years old and I remember being put on a Diet. 13 years old and I was being taken to Weight Watchers, 18 years old and I was part of Overeaters Anonymous. My Greatest weight loss came when I was in my mid 20's and was buying speed and living on Tab and sugar Free Bubble Gum. I lost 90 lbs in 6 months and was a junkie. It was not until I blacked out in my Car as I was driving and ‘tapped’ a very old gentleman in a very old Cadillac that I realized what trouble the speed had caused me. Within a year I had gained 130 lbs. Over time and years I slimmed down to about 250 lbs. and I thought that was gooooooood. In 1992 after 15 years with the same company I was laid off.. (In full disclosure to those who read this, It was only prior to me being laid off that I also came out of the closet. Today it is a non issue, it is who I am, period; then it was a big big BIG step in my evolvement as a person)I went home with my Severance Check and Salary for the next Year and joined Costco. And I ate, and I ate some More. For 6 Months I ate Cheesecakes and French Toast. I ate Cream Puffs and Pizza. and then I at some more. In 6 months I gained 100 lbs. And I continued eating.
I was very unhappy, but I had money, I had friends and No job so I had plenty of free time.. I took WAY too many risks sexually, and buried way too many friends that perished from AIDS. Why was I still here? I did the same things that Thom and Randy and Paul and Steve had done, yet they are dead and I am alive. Can someone answer that for me please!
I was 350 lbs and smoking and eating anything in Sight. So in 1998 I quit smoking and then gained another 30 lbs for good measure, for those keeping track put me at about 370 lbs now.
I worked on Wall Street in Downtown Manhattan from the Mid 90;s until 9/11/01. All I can say about that day Is I am still filled with such a deep sadness I will never recover from. I lost, a lot that day. That will be something I can talk about or write about in great detail.
If I had been in one of the buildings I would be dead today. I know I no more could have walked down all those stairs as fly to the moon. The one thing that day did for me was put me into a deep depression and I went back to smoking. And I started to Drink, Vodka. And I got depressed and so I drank more. I never was a drinker, I never liked drinking, but drinking did infact ease the pain.
I am the most unreligious person there is. But something happened, something changed. I know that 911 redefined me as a person. I was more loving, more caring, more needy of others. At the same time I became more impatient for ‘crap’ going on around me. I came to the realization that I was in trouble. I knew I was in trouble with my health but did not know how to overcome. I have not had a drink since 2002, I have not smoked (a 30 year, 2 pack a day habit) since 2003- BUT by the time we were celebrating 2004 I was 415 lbs.
I started a project of scanning into the Computer Hundreds of Pictures from my family for my Folks- As I look at the few pictures of myself- I just wish I could be that thin now---But I knew, no matter haw thin I was in those pictures – I knew I always felt fat. I started reading and reading and reading- Everything I could about WLS.
For the first month I must have been up everyday til 3AM- first looking at the pictures and stories and then Tossing and Turning because I was so afraid to have this done- I would research and then put it away for weeks on end- I would joke about it ---as I ate my Krisy Kreme….I won’t be able to eat these when I have my surgery!
Then Easter Sunday- My sister in Law- Told me that she was scheduled for her Surgery on May 19th- “She said I am having Bariatric Surgery.” I didn’t quiet get was she was saying….”huh”….”oh My god donna”
In early 2003 I had attempted to get Gastric ByPass. Had done everything in my power but it was just not to be. I was dealing with (in my humble opinion) A surgeon who could have cared less as long as I was writing him Checks, My PCP was more concerned that he got time to go sailing and if I was a more Aggressive person I would have sued AETNA for what they told my surgeons office about me. AETNA believed that I had forged Documents that were faxed from my PCP office to
January 7th 2006 I am sitting at home watching TV at about 10AM. I feel strange. A tingling sensation going up my left arm. HOLY CRAP (not what I really #$#$ said) This is it I break out into a profuse sweat. I put the coffee down and walk next door to my neighbor. “Something is the matter”.
As I sat in their living room for the next 2 hrs everything subsided but I was scarred to death. Scared to move. Was I having a stroke? I went to the ER the next day (of course I waited a day I had plans to go to the Chinese buffet and I was not going to miss that meal.) I had all the tests they could do and was told basically it was stress……hmm. Stress you say? Work was horrible, the crisis’s never end.
Within a few weeks I was on Zoloft for Anxiety, and Cozaar for Hypertension. My Dr was great, she never told me that I was going to die it I did not get my weight under control. She knew I already knew that. The Blood work had told me the whole Story.
I had to roll myself to get out of bed. I wore clogs and loafers so I did not have any laces to tie. I slept with the Gigantic Size bottle of Tum’s. It was pretty bad. But I could put on the best face and be the best actor, I was dying inside but no one knew it.
August or September of 06 I was working at my PC and behind me I heard a commercial for the Lap-Band from the TV. I did not want to open the preverbal WLS can of worms again. I did not want to go through that heartache, again.
I had not been on obesityhelp.com in over 2 years. The site was still there and my account was still active. Hmmm, I said. When I had last lurked on the webpages for OH lap-band was on the fringe and not widely accepted. The more I read, the more I looked into it the more I though this could be a viable alternative to gastric bypass. ALTERNATIVE, that was my thinking at the onset.
There were 2 Drs within 50 miles having seminars that I knew from past experience would be required. When I called the Dr in
Much, Much to my Surprise, Much. I was approved after all the testing had been done in 2 days by United Health Care.. I was shocked beyond belief. I felt that I had won the lottery. I can talk about all the tests I had to go through but they were a requirement and a necessity. Yes, I had to have a Stress test, and a million blood tests and xrays and a psych exam. ALL BS and all pains in the butt, but all justified the ends.
My very LARGE, (not in size but in numbers) have been beyond my amazement supportive. I found out on October 30, that my Surgery would be taking place on Friday November 10th. WOW! I am so excited I am so psyched I am so “……..damn I will miss Thanksgiving. The Best meal of the year. The best.” (and my Dr did not require any diet before the surgery. Stop eating at 10PM the night before)
Some of you know the whole damn story and some do not. BUT, either way today I received a phonecall from my Surgeon who told me I was approved for the Surgery I had been waiting for for years.Actually this go around with a new Dr, was so fast it makes my head spin. I will be having the Surgery on Friday November 10-
Now, thinking to myself WWJD (what would Jesus do?) He would be damned if he was to miss the bigges teating fest of all year. By Thanksgiving I will be slurping on Jell-O.
Speaking to Mom and Cathy, this Saturday Mom will be hosting A PRE/REHEARSAL/LAST hurrah! Thanksgiving Dinner, with mostof the trimmings. NO one has to come (Mom wanted me to stress this) and she also wanted you to know coming this Saturday does not get you out of Coming on the real Thanksgiving.
So to cut to the bottom line, This Saturday late afternoon Mom will be hosting a pre Thanksgiving for any and all who can attend; No stress if you can not. Just drop Mom a line and let her know the headcount.
My Folks, my brothers and sisters and their kids and friends came from far and wide to celebrate this early thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, for me. I was truly thankful, and touched.
That is my background story, how I went from there to here. I am nervous, I just feel Like I am seeing the world with my eyes wide open.
